medicatrix

I was here last year -- actually a little more than a year ago. I had gone I think 12 days without drinking until Christmas came. I knew even before I quit drinking I was going to start again at the holidays, and thought I would get *right back* to being sober as soon as life settled down again.

Fast forward to 35 days ago.

I've taken four or five day breaks from my bottle of wine a day habit, but between then, and now -- it was always on my mind that I had to stop.

I wanted my brain back. I wasn't making good decisions because I couldn't figure out how to make them anymore. I was being driven by strange things, like what my boyfriend wanted or what I wanted to prove to my boyfriend or show him, or...I don't know, just weirdness. Just nothing that really drives a normal person. But between being drunk every night and hungover every day I was just motoring through my life. And I knew it. I would wake up hungover thinking..look. No one knows about this but you. And no one is really being hurt by it but you.

But it's not right.

And then someone posed this question to me: What if you were actually *happier* if you did not drink? What if you could figure out a way to not do it, you'd have a capacity to feel good on your own without it?

So...that got me thinking. And so, 35 days ago I stopped.

Do you know how long it's been since I've gone 35 days without alcohol? Because I sure don't.

Anyway, so it's been *mostly* easy so far. I've had days of depression, crying, frustration, low energy, no sleep -- all that stuff but I can't say really that it's *any worse* overall than all the fun side effects of drinking alcohol every single night.

Now though...I'm bored.

People, I am so bored. It's wintertime, and I can't get outside and I don't like to drive at night anyway. I don't have any friends anymore who are not active alcoholics and I'm not a 12-stepper.

That leaves me with like, NOTHING to do after work and NOTHING to look forward to after work. I know it sounds pathetic that that bottle of wine was basically my entire repertoire of entertainment, but I'll go ahead and admit it.

I just fended off the worst craving I've had since day one. Not because I really want the alcohol. Not because I am sad or tired or sick or angry. I. AM. BORED.

I had two choices five minutes ago; one was to get up, get my keys and go to the store to buy a bottle of wine, and the other was to come here, and write this.

So that's what I did. But I am still so bored, crikey, what do people who aren't anesthetizing themselves for six hours a night DO with themselves?

Mountainmanbob

I would rather be bored than drunk (any day)

if and that's a big if -- we stay sober
in time boredom ceases to bother us
some fortunate ones may even see it as a form of serenity

Mountainman

jt1234

I hear you. Luckily I have a 6 year old to keep me busy. But I've struggled to find stuff to pass the time during this brutal weather as well. I go to the gym a lot. It keeps me focused on something and gives me a goal. Other than that....

advbike

Well, here on the west coat its 5pm and I'm headed to a yoga class. Then there's the gym. I hike trails sometimes. Bike when weather is better. Watch the news. Read any number of great books. Go to the bookstore, grocery store, etc.

I would also ask you if the boredom is one of the reasons you drank. If so maybe you need to cultivate some hobbies, or new friends, or just learn to practice mindfulness and be in the moment? I dunno - I always have a million things that need to get done, lol.

Nonsensical

Anything I want.

sscc

I totally hear you on that. I am brand spanking new here, 10 days sober to be exact. I got in my car to drive home tonight from work and automatically made the turn for the liquor store. Whoa. I didn't go and am glad I didn't but man. I thought it would go away but not yet.
These cravings drive me nuts. This site and my family have been my drive to keep motoring ahead. But it's hard sometimes esp like right here before the weekend.
I just keep coming here everyday. I don't post everyday but come here to read and for support.

GreenEggsAndHam

I hear you and thanks for your honesty. I try to stay busy with anything. Do you like to read? That is something I always wished I had more time for...

Mags1

Hi medicatrix, I found I had all this time I remembered once I was sober, where I'd normally be flaked out after drinking I'm sober looking around having to think for myself and fill in a lot of gaps of time. It was so easy to turn to the bottle for me and without it I was lost with, like you mentioned six hours to do what.

I am catching up with my life, though, there is a world of catching up to do. I'm sure you will find things to do once you can stop thinking about doing it with alcohol.
P.s. Well done for not picking the wine up and visiting sr, keep visiting it does help. X

medicatrix

yeah, I think boredom was a big part of why I drank. I was married to a man who was never home -- he was a truck driver and I've never had any close friends, so I got into a habit a long time ago of drinking at night. I couldn't leave because I had kids at home, no one to watch them and no one to talk to. So that was what I did. I drank and got into trouble on the internet. Of course when my kids were small I had to get up with them so that was a natural deterrent -- when they got older they went off to do their stuff and I was still parked in this behavior pattern. For years and years now.

It's not bad to not drink. Really it's fine most of the time. I'm glad to be waking up in the morning without a hangover and my short term memory is improving. I'm thinking *much* more clearly than I was when this first started. But...boredom, and depression, and there are long term life problems everyone has that you can kind of ignore if you're unconscious a good part of the time.

I can handle a lot of this. I can even handle the boredom usually when it comes, and it's been coming a lot lately. But when it hits, all I can think is well, life seemed to be more fun when I was drinking. Maybe I'll just go and buy a bottle of chardonnay and amuse myself in my own head. It's the only time I get a *real*, conscious craving. I have to think of something more to fill my days on earth.

Mags1

It's not easy but it is worth it.

I was so used to having one hand filled with a glass of wine there wasn't much else to do except chill and get blotto.

There is so much more. I, was a bit of a hoarder, so when the mood takes me, I'm sorting through and chucking out or sending to charity shops.

On a good note, we can drive if we want to, I too font like driving at night but the light nights are nearly upon us and the light mornings and I loved the freedom of , if I wish, I can just pop out to the shops, I mostly don't, but the freedom I have from staying sober is great. No crutch to hold me back.

Don't misunderstand me, like in life, there are problems to deal with, but it's not a drama, I feel better, I don't feel like ive got to rush to get a drink down me.

I've experienced getting to know me again in the last seven months and I'm jot sure who I am and if I ever really knew this person or gave her a chance. It's all new to me. X

Dee74

It took me about three months to realise I was still doing the same things I used to do when I was drunk...watching TV mostly. That is boring for a sober person.

There's a big wide world out there - the only limit is your imagination.
Think about what you'd like to do - dreams, hobbies, interests?

D

least

When I get bored I can sometimes walk my dogs or I can take a nap. Usually I play on the computer or watch movies. My favorite thing to do tho is to walk the dogs. It gets me out of the boredom and makes me feel better overall.


But if I had my 'druthers, I'd rather be bored than drunk or hungover.

GetSmart

Find a good book and actually get through it? I'm just a newbie and thinking out loud for myself, but I realized that I had never been to the public library since moving 4 years ago, and just browsed and quickly found a few titles of interest, and not just pulp fiction to distract me (not that there is anything wrong with that) but more like stuff that I thought I should know, like local history, the lives people led before us. Sobering in its own way to remind me of how tough times were for some folks and my own struggles seem less daunting.

Congrats on your 35 days

neferkamichael

Medicatrix, 35 days is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Bored, whatever just don't drink. I did a whole lot of suffering in the early days but now don't give using a second thought. Things will get better as the days go by. Rootin for ya.

doggonecarl

I could believe you drank to relieve boredom if I believed drinking was an activity. I think bored people drink to numb themselves to their boredom. If you were bored you'd find something to do. But you want to drink. I think that says more about your alcohol problem than is says about your boredom.

FeelingGreat

Hi Medi, I really really don't want this to sound harsh, but when I read your heading it reminded me of my childhood and when my own 2 were small, saying 'Mum I'm bored!' And I (or my Mum) used to suggest all sorts of things they (I) could do.
Now you're an adult you can think of lots of things yourself. Congratulations on posting rather than going for that bottle.

oct11

I get bored too. I am in day 17!!! I know I will need to figure out some new things to enjoy. I don't have any advice, but you are not alone! Be proud of how many days u have under your belt! That's awesome

360shoes

It's been my observation that in the beginning we are either bored or we just are so plain sick of the crazy we love the peace. I kind of fell in the second camp. I was just so happy the crazy for me stopped.

Your right though. At first you have a lot of time on your hands. Makes perfect sense to me. I filled a lot of time drinking. Sitting on my butt drinking. Talk about boring. It was boring at first because I was boring. How interesting could I possibly be when I repeated the same activity over and over and over?

It will pass. Give it some time. Soon you will be able to whatever the heck you want and you can make anything fun.

Axle

I went to a meeting yesterday morning and was brimming with cool ass positivity just sitting happily in step 3, by the end of the day(which is odd for me)I was in a foul mood.complacent, sitting on my laurels , bored. I thought of step 1, hot stove ...pickles/ cucumbers, advice from people from this forum. Screw it, I know I've got 24 days and I don't care screw it I'm getting a bottle of whiskey and beer and wine, I'm drinking it all in one sitting. Watch t.v. And I'm not doing squat tomorrow . I went to a meeting. I'm not alone . Today I retrained myself to do something I like sober ... I forgot about myAA my booze ,I lived in the moment and felt like a cucumber. I went to a meeting came home and made dinner ... Bored , then my sickness came back go to the store get a fifth. Instead ,I read your post, we are not alone. See you tomorrow , sober. I have faith it will get better ,learning to live sober... Yay!

KateL

Boredom is a luxury as my old day used to say Just try to keep your mind occupied. I used movies and a few nibbles xxxxx