redbrother

For me, Facebook has been one of the greatest hindrances of keeping my problem silent. When I reached next level status with drinking, I was tired of getting thrown out of bars for fighting and being verbally abusive. I was really worried that I'd end up in jail. I'm one of those ten feet tall sort of drunks who goes through the Jekyll and Hyde wormholes. Beer balls were the main attraction to drinking and they were my downfall.

So when I began my descent into the more pathetic antisocial realm of substance abuse, I began using Facebook to socialize. As long as I took my time typing, I could usually just pass myself off as more endearing and talkative version of myself. I reconnected with old friends, I met new friends, and even landed a few dates. Now the obvious route of trajectory would imply that the myth of normalcy would be destroyed after socializing in person. And yeah that happened. Going from witty, insightful internet friend to abusive falling down drunk in person IRL, definitely gave up the ghost pretty quickly. However, that's not my point.

What became really horrifying was my behavior online. I recreated the same barroom antics in virtual face. If I saw a girl online who I was attracted to, I chat her up in a really obnoxious and intrusive way. If a friend who I was annoying with posted something online, I'd try to publicly humiliate them --the divine irony being was that I was really making myself look psychotic. Social media allows you access to a very large audience of people. Combine that with my inherent smart assness and a couple pints of vodka could lead to a very public Charlie Sheen sort of meltdown conceived and executed without even leaving my living room.


This is something that new generations of drunks and addicts will have to deal with. It's not so easy to drink alone anymore. We are no longer audiences of media, we are the media. When a spotlight is put on a drunk it usually leads to some really, really destructive situations.

Of course, I'm not blaming modern tech. The blame is still on the drunks. I'm not asking anyone to forgive obnoxious behavior. I'm just pointing out that things are going to get a lot more interesting from here on out.

bigsombrero

Great point. I'm happy you brought it up, just because it's always been a topic that I'm interested in.

And while we're at it, let's not forget the dreaded text messaging. Throwing out one-liners to every single contact in your phone (the list of which has been supplied by linking your google/***** account) can result in some very humiliating exchanges. The phone becomes a ticking time bomb. Before I got sober I had one ex-girlfriend send me a text to say "I've tried to make it obvious, but now I have to say it: please don't ever contact me again. I'm sorry it's come to this." Yeeowch. My answer to that was to have another drink - alone on my couch of course - and sulk. That was 2 years ago and I'll always remember those very blunt words. I never in my life thought I'd be "that guy". But there I was. Funny thing is, she was just one of the women that I was actively texting while still dating my (now ex) girlfriend as well.

And how about those drunk e-mails that folks have sent to their bosses on a Saturday night, only to wake up Monday morning and wonder if you still have a job as you get on the bus to work? Egads.

Electronic communication of all kinds can be extremely harmful to active alcoholics and their relationships.

The good thing is, once you get sober you don't have to worry about it anymore

least

That's just one reason I don't 'do' Facebook. I don't text either.

hauntao

I was VERY bad with this as well. It was so awful. It was painful to go through all of my comments, messages, etc and delete all the ridiculousness.

kleigh

Ughhh, yes, I completely sympathize. I never texted/typed anything too awful....but the horror of going through the "Activity Log" of the night before, having no memory of all the little quips and comments I sent out to people I hadn't talked to in years....humiliating. Especially because they must KNOW we're drunk when we do stuff like that, right?

Dibbs

This is something I hadnt really noticed until reading this. I am currently in this state. I don't have many friends that I catch up with; however looking at my facebook page, I've a bunch of people on here who I've met previously, but would not be able to maintain a conversation with socially while sober.

I am also in that self destructive state where everyone is concerned when they post something that my smartass self will make an appearance and ruin their post. I've even been called into/linked into other peoples discussions with intention to annoy and divide the forums.

Thank you for this post.... it's something I look to improve on.

sobercatholic

Good observations. An online record does add a dimension to the problem. I am so glad I did all my stupid drunken stuff before Facebook, etc.

But every age adds to it, the dawn of the automobile introduced the problem of drunk driving and so the threat to life.

Brian316

Yeah definitely a good topic. When I was drinking I used to post on Facebook all the time. And I usually had an audience to my alcoholic stupidity. Now I don't get on there much. I never said anything that bad but I was overly boisterous and the booze made me fail to consider my entire audience. Lately I only share stuff on there I think can help someone of make them laugh. I try to not be cynical and keep my music to myself.

GreenEggsAndHam

I have alienated almost all of my friends via Facebook - and these are real life friends who also happen to be Facebook friends. I'm completely humiliated. I know they think I'm a crazy person. I have to avoid places they go to so because I'm too humiliated to see them in person ever again. Back to having no one again.

redbrother

This is what I'm talking about, but, I wouldn't get too down on yourself. Your guilt is probably greater than their annoyance with you. I mean, at least in some cases.

You can win some of them back, but they'll keep you at an arms length before they can trust you again. We just have to learn from our lessons. Stay sober and avoid things that set us up for failure.

redbrother

You could only hope that they realize we were under some strong spirited influences and that our behavior doesn't reflect how we typically present ourselves. But we can only hope. The problem is that, if you're a dick, others will not sympathize with what's causing you to be a dick -- and rightly so.

I'm not a Youtuber, but I'm sure there are some drunks who have put themselves in a world of pain and hangover guilt from a video they should have never created.

Maybe all of this a good thing? Maybe this makes it harder to hide our problem and acts additional motivation to not get sloshed?

ScottFromWI

I personally found that the minuses of Facebook far outweighed the plusses. I deleted my account completely about 3 years ago and I don't miss it for a second. Friendships and relationships that you establish in the real world are far more worthwhile in my opinion.