joshlyman

Last night I was at a get together and there were three people there who witnessed my last blackout in early December. They proceeded to tell me all the gory details-how I tried to fight every signals person who looked in my direction, how I broke a glass and how I walked out on my tab.

I am sitting here and I cannot stop crying. This is the reality of the person I was as an active alcoholic. And there are plenty more people who were there to witness many of my other blackouts. How and why did I live like that?

I am so embarrassed. How can I move on when I am going to constantly see people who saw me act like an animal while drunk? I want to move cross country where no one knows me.

The craziest part was the people who told me about it were bummed when I turned down a drink they offered me. They said that I was so much fun when I was drunk.

ReadyAtLast

These people really don't sound like friends at all.They are disappointed you are not drinking because they want you to make a fool of yourself and can laugh at you. They have no concern for your welfare. Seriously I'd stay well away from them.

I know it's embarrassing I've been there .The best thing you cando for yourself is stay sober.

ErikT

Are you sober now? I found that once I gained sober ground...I became proud to walk among those people. Proud to show them that I am now a sober asset to society rather than a drunk liability. Let them talk....let them say whatever they are going to say....you just BE sober.....that's all you need....

GracieLou

No matter where I go, there I am.

Moving does not solve anything because you take yourself with you.

It sucks hearing about our past drunken episodes but now is not the time to fret about such things. There will be a time when you are among other recovered alcoholics, like right now, and we understand. I have my own, some on video tape, nice huh. You will be able to laugh at how sick you were then.

It is one of the many things that bring us together.

I no longer regret the past because it is the past and there is nothing I can do to change it. Don't look back, you are not going that way!

ErikT

you will see how fast you surpass them....

joshlyman

Yes I am sober and luckily I rarely see these people. Now that don't go to bars I probably won't ever see them. My past embarrassments have been something I've struggled with in my sobriety and they have been the reason for my two relapses. I just can't get over the shame.

Luckily I am in therapy now which I think is really going to help.

Wastinglife

I know exactly how you feel. I did something similar at the local pub I used to hang out at. Apparently I tried to fight someone and I paid only half my tab before walking out. I haven't been back since it happened last summer due to the shame and embarrassment. I am lucky that I haven't been beaten-up due to my reckless drunken behaviour.

Normal drinkers don't have these issues with black-outs and aggressive behaviour. It's a certain sign that alcohol is a problem for us.

Carlotta

If they witnessed how bad you are in a blackout and still offered you a drink, they are NOT friends.
Real friends would be relieved that you quit after seeing you in action and they would not try to tempt you.
You cannot change the past but you can shape your future Stay sober, try to make realfriends and dump those losers. They don't have your best interest at heart.

Bruce292

I had, and sometimes still have, the same issue. I have some old "friends" who love to retell embarrassing drunken incidents. I generally try to defuse the conversation and/or walk away. I think over time, when they realize you're serious about your sobriety, will become self conscious enough about their own drinking not to bring it up anymore.

MaxxPower

Don't put yourself down over it. Your still the man josh Not to be over dramatic or anything but.. be happy your alive.

Think of all the countless people that have died because of alcoholic blackouts.

As the saying goes ''time heals all wounds'' with the embarrassing drunken blackout memories anyway...

Stay away from those people btw, their a bunch of d1cks. Who cares what they think..clowns.

brazilian

One thing you can be sure, these people are not your friends.

Keep strong.

Ncognito13

The shame of being told what you did. Been there too often. Walking into work just to have everyone tell you how badly I behaved or if I even remember getting kicked out the bar. The sad thing is none of these people ever suggested I should stop drinking or that I might have a problem. To them it was 'just how I got when drunk'.

I went to a Superbowl party and was the only sober person there. No one questioned it, they probably have been thinking for years that I should quit drinking. I think that when your 'real friends' see how you are sober it becomes less of a deal to them.

least

These people are NOT your friends. Stay away from them. You can make new friends.

Finnie

I'm all for truthfulness. I would think a true friend would pull you up when you do something wrong and tell you to your face. Well done to them here.

A true friend would not try to put you in a bad situation, knowing how bad things can get for you. Either terrible knowledge of the dangers of alcohol or terrible friends. Stay away from them and drink.

Meet them for coffee? Lunch? You will soon find out how good they are for you

KateL

I was told I was so much fun in my teens and twenties, but as I became older it was more like I was a sad old lush xxxxx

gleefan

I was always the life of the party and folks can't believe I'm declining drinks. They aren't the people who had to accompany me to the ER when I fell down a flight of stairs, or pick me up from the pd when I was arrested for DUI, or step over me when I passed out on my kitchen floor.

I don't dwell on my mistakes. Our mistakes make us interesting people, and hopefully compassionate towards others who are suffering. Stay strong.

Silvy69

You call someone that saw all that a friend? Well everything will be revealed as you keep on the path of sobriety. I have plenty of people tell me that I wasn't that bad drinking that I didnt' have a problem, they were not in my body and in my head with the suffering.. You don't need to move away to stay away from people places and things that hurt your sobriety Good Luck .. One day at the time.

Dee74

Josh there's nothing you can do about your last blackout, Not a thing.
But that's who you were...this is who you are now - thats the important thing

and yeah - you need to cultivate new friendships, if not sober people, people who respect and support your decision to stay sober

D

Anna

Like you, I allowed the shame and guilt to lead me back to drinking multiple times. I felt like I couldn't face myself and what I had done. But, I did and you can too. It might take some time before you begin to feel more positive about yourself, but it will come. Step out of the cycle and stay sober!

Pipping

I am really sorry that you went through that. I can appreciate how painful it is to hear about what you did during a black out. My so called friends used to ring me the next day with gory details of my antics and it was obvious that they were getting a rise out of my embarrassment. I have nothing to do with people like this anymore and my stress levels as a result have gone down. If you don't drink anymore then there will be no more stories. This too shall pass. Big Hugs to you.