Dee74

No, I get it. I used to be there 2much - a decades worth.

There were scads of people wanting to help me. I just had to stop pushing them away first.

I was so comfortable in my drunken despair and self hate that I panicked when life got better. i got scared when people wanted to help me change my life - who the hell were they to tell me what to do anyway?

All the help I gave people, all the times I put others first - and no gratitude no respect, no nothin.
****** takers.

I hate to admit it but it's true.
I liked feeling that way. Made me feel good. Made me feel better than everyone.

Made it easy to drink too.

but the flip side to that pride & arrogance was the self hate and the despair.

I felt I didn't deserve sobriety.
I felt a fraud.
I felt that if I opened myself up people would see the real me and I was terrified I'd be exposed as a phony, or no good.

Drink fed all that fear and paranoia.
None of it was true.

First thing to do is put the bottle down - it's not helping 2much...it's just feeding this perverse fantasy world where everyone hates you, you're worthless and the world is waiting to take you down.

so yeah, I get it, but I don't agree.
I can't 2much - not when I look at whats happened to me since I stopped drinking and reached out for help.

D

abcowboy

2much, I think you are mistaking pity from support, we do not or never will pity you.... a few words from "How It Works"

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

justinJustQuit

First of all, thanks for taking the time to create this thread. (Even if I'm late in responding to it.)

I'll admit, being alone sucks. I think we all agree on that. (hence the great suggestions)

Right before I got sober my first time, I was single and I was in a bad rut. I had no family, no friends, no one there to love me or even talk to me. Sadly, I didn't know about AA or SR.COM at the time. But I can tell you community service (Don't close your browser window. Hear me out. :-) ) helped me out a lot. I know it might seem dumb on the surface, but the networking and filling up your schedule some is if nothing else, an aid to stay sober. And there's the added benefit of helping people that do truly need it.

Also, I met my fantastic wife (whom I now have a child with), and I now have a son. All of it was because I went and did community service for an hour or two on a few Sundays. (she was also a volunteer)

I don't say that to toot my own horn, I'm merely sharing my experience that community service is another great way to find other people who might have some spare time.

It really does get better, but drinking yourself to an early death is a rough way to go. Just like Dee said. Dee has the wisdom. Also, it's much easier to network and stuff being sober. It always leads back to the bottle my friend. Quit that and things will almost definitely start looking up.


Sorry for the novel, I just relate to this post a lot having been somewhere similar.

Silvy69

In AA you get a book with phone numbers at least I hope you did. Pick up the phone and reach out. If you want to connect you must reach out. You are taking the easy way out, you are not alone only think you are. That is your addiction talking. I have been there. Ask for help.

2muchpain

I'm a 63 year man, so I know how to deal with my problems. I was a Special Education Teacher for 30 years.

Dee74

How are you doing 2much?

D

Hevyn

I was just about to ask that....

Tiptree

Hey 2much, how are you?

ErikT

Hey...if you'd like to talk....PM me and Ill give u my phone #...... I know how you feel.

2muchpain

I am doing fine.

least

Raider

Ok I don't usually show this side of me but I just have to say......what the hell does that mean "so what". So what is you are here. So what is people trying to help you. So what is we are here for you. So what is that people are taking their time to talk to you. So what??? Stop it. I know you helped people, you are self sufficient, you have no money problems, you are retired, you can travel. That's SO What! That's huge but instead of being proud and happy of your accomplishments, you say so what! What the heck, half the people on this site would happily trade places with you. You want cards, letters and phone calls then you have to do what it takes. Make an effort. Go volunteer for the homeless, the seniors, the hungry, meals on wheels, the humane society, any dog pound, a no kill shelter, run errands for shut ins, give yourself!! And go to Church, that's right I said it. Go to Church, join the men's groups, donate your time, join the Bible study , drive the Church bus. It's not over because you are retired. There is lots of work to do. Stop living in a vacuum, help out. Give back. Blessings. Pam.

2muchpain

Raider, YOU ARE RIGHT.

Notimetoloose

It,s great to see you back and sounding in a better place. We are here for you.

Raider

2muchpain, thank you. But please forgive my harsh words. I did not mean to be rude. I retired at 50, with no money issues. Problem was, none of my friends were retired. I found myself alone. I volunteered at a dog pound, didn't work out so well, I was so emotional seeing them being given up after 10-15years as pets because the owners could no longer afford them, all I did was cry. (Besides ending up with a cat that has three broken chambers because no one would adopt him). Now I volunteer at a senior activity center, the people come for activities, they don't live there. I love the seniors. Monday went to the funeral of my favorite senior, he was 91. Sometime in there I found a Church that I love and now regularly attend. Now I reach out to people and they to me. You are young and have time to give back now. People need you. I think that's why we are here on this earth, to love like Jesus. Just take the first step. Blessings. Pam.

Rar

I am retired also from a professional career. I have plenty of time to "play", but have done nothing really worthwhile to benefit others. Thank you for your post Raider.

2muchpain

Raider

I truly respect you!

Gakx

I unfortunately get your message loud and clear. Which is why I sit here sober and alone. No one will call me tonight or tomorrow or the next day. And I will sit here, alone, day after day. My apologies 2muchpain; I wish I had an answer. You are a blessed man for your 30 year service to those in need...thank you.

Dee74

I'm in danger of repeating myself here, but...

Have patience Gakx - it takes time to build a sober life....and if your old life was like mine everything revolved around booze - I had to start again from scratch...

I had faith it would all turn out tho, and it did.

None of us would be here if we thought we'd lose out on this sobriety deal

D

Raider

2muchpain and Gakx, does anyone of you live in the Salt Lake area. If you do, PM me. Let's get together!!!!! I would love to meet you for coffee, meetings, church, anything you want to do. I'm here if you need me.