Dealing with a "Quarter Life Crisis"?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Dealing with a "Quarter Life Crisis"?
I'm really needing some guidance as to how to pull through a tough time. I know there is a grief and loss section but i feel being new to SR is a key factor in my struggles. An interim job that i gave my all to ended 7 months ago. I had to move back home after years of being on my own. Since then a relationship has come and gone, i watched my grandfather slowly pass away for 11 days, holidays came, another passing in my family, weight gain, and recently found out i start a new job soon. Today my grandmother told me i'm one of her favorite grandkids and wants me to know she will not be here much longer. As someone who acknowledges going through an existential phase, it all feels like too much. I'm working on my spirituality and also have a therapy appointment soon
Do you all feel like there is a such thing as a quarter life/mid-life crisis? I understand there could be much worse but I dont think trying to compare our pain is beneficial to anyone. I guess it could also be that this is just life and I'm not dealing with it well. No urge to drink over this, I'm just wondering why it all has to come at once. I want to scream SLOW DOWN PLEASE. I don't want to fall apart during my grandmother's last days yet I keep crying instead of enjoying her last days.
Do you all feel like there is a such thing as a quarter life/mid-life crisis? I understand there could be much worse but I dont think trying to compare our pain is beneficial to anyone. I guess it could also be that this is just life and I'm not dealing with it well. No urge to drink over this, I'm just wondering why it all has to come at once. I want to scream SLOW DOWN PLEASE. I don't want to fall apart during my grandmother's last days yet I keep crying instead of enjoying her last days.
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How long have you been sober? If in early recovery then you can expect some emotional ups and downs. Try to ride them out, they won't last forever, and try to enjoy your time with your grandmother. 
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Originally Posted by StayStrong33 
I'm really needing some guidance as to how to pull through a tough time. I know there is a grief and loss section but i feel being new to SR is a key factor in my struggles. An interim job that i gave my all to ended 7 months ago. I had to move back home after years of being on my own. Since then a relationship has come and gone, i watched my grandfather slowly pass away for 11 days, holidays came, another passing in my family, weight gain, and recently found out i start a new job soon. Today my grandmother told me i'm one of her favorite grandkids and wants me to know she will not be here much longer. As someone who acknowledges going through an existential phase, it all feels like too much. I'm working on my spirituality and also have a therapy appointment soon
Do you all feel like there is a such thing as a quarter life/mid-life crisis? I understand there could be much worse but I dont think trying to compare our pain is beneficial to anyone. I guess it could also be that this is just life and I'm not dealing with it well. No urge to drink over this, I'm just wondering why it all has to come at once. I want to scream SLOW DOWN PLEASE. I don't want to fall apart during my grandmother's last days yet I keep crying instead of enjoying her last days.
Do you all feel like there is a such thing as a quarter life/mid-life crisis? I understand there could be much worse but I dont think trying to compare our pain is beneficial to anyone. I guess it could also be that this is just life and I'm not dealing with it well. No urge to drink over this, I'm just wondering why it all has to come at once. I want to scream SLOW DOWN PLEASE. I don't want to fall apart during my grandmother's last days yet I keep crying instead of enjoying her last days.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
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My first thought on reading you post is that it's just life, not a specific age related crisis. Just the ups and down of life. Sometimes things hit us all at once and it's very hard to deal with. Just breathe. Pray for the wisdom and ability to get through it, if you're inclined to prayer.
The quote in your siggy is very true for me, btw. I really relate to it.
The quote in your siggy is very true for me, btw. I really relate to it.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Originally Posted by TigerLili
My first thought on reading you post is that it's just life, not a specific age related crisis. Just the ups and down of life. Sometimes things hit us all at once and it's very hard to deal with. Just breathe. Pray for the wisdom and ability to get through it, if you're inclined to prayer.
The quote in your siggy is very true for me, btw. I really relate to it.
The quote in your siggy is very true for me, btw. I really relate to it.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
SS- that's a WHOLE lot of stuff happening all at once. I think anybody would be struggling. Hold on to your news and fragile sobriety. Guard it. You have an opportunity to do some real healthy emotional growing as long as you don't resort to numbing yourself with alcohol.
I do think this could be age related. Losing grandparents can be so very very hard and you are at the age when people lose them. And this is likely the first type of this kind of loss you are experiencing. It's hard. It gets easier. Years down the road you'll look back at people you've lost, relationships that past, jobs you've cycled through with more wisdom and understanding. And you 'll have a more secure understanding that life happens and that you have the ability to handle the chances and power to embrace the future.
Hang in there honey. You are doing great! !
I do think this could be age related. Losing grandparents can be so very very hard and you are at the age when people lose them. And this is likely the first type of this kind of loss you are experiencing. It's hard. It gets easier. Years down the road you'll look back at people you've lost, relationships that past, jobs you've cycled through with more wisdom and understanding. And you 'll have a more secure understanding that life happens and that you have the ability to handle the chances and power to embrace the future.
Hang in there honey. You are doing great! !
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Originally Posted by milly4me
SS- that's a WHOLE lot of stuff happening all at once. I think anybody would be struggling. Hold on to your news and fragile sobriety. Guard it. You have an opportunity to do some real healthy emotional growing as long as you don't resort to numbing yourself with alcohol.
I do think this could be age related. Losing grandparents can be so very very hard and you are at the age when people lose them. And this is likely the first type of this kind of loss you are experiencing. It's hard. It gets easier. Years down the road you'll look back at people you've lost, relationships that past, jobs you've cycled through with more wisdom and understanding. And you 'll have a more secure understanding that life happens and that you have the ability to handle the chances and power to embrace the future.
Hang in there honey. You are doing great! !
I do think this could be age related. Losing grandparents can be so very very hard and you are at the age when people lose them. And this is likely the first type of this kind of loss you are experiencing. It's hard. It gets easier. Years down the road you'll look back at people you've lost, relationships that past, jobs you've cycled through with more wisdom and understanding. And you 'll have a more secure understanding that life happens and that you have the ability to handle the chances and power to embrace the future.
Hang in there honey. You are doing great! !
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
That's a hell of a lot to deal with. I don't think there is anything there you have to fix. Grief is a process and takes time. Also dealing with this in early sobriety is going to make it slightly more turmoily. But please ride it out. I lost a relationship and my dad in the space of a few weeks when I was 21 and I drank my way through that for another decade. I made zero progress. Dealing with this sober is the healthiest thing you can do. Well done x
x
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Staystrong, wow, that is a LOT. You're doing fine.
You said something that many of us have said...that we don't know if we can deal with...the situations, the feelings, etc. What does that mean? What will happen if we don't drink? Will the feelings kill us? What do we mean by deal?
I realized that I was running away from not feeling a feeling I didn't want to feel...but that feeling it actually would not kill me...BUT...what I chose to do in response to those feelings might very well kill me...like drinking, or drugging, or going home with some stranger.
The feelings themselves may feel overwhelming, scary, etc...but they won't kill us. And every time we go through them sober and live to tell about it, they are less scary, and we realize that we actually can deal.
And we learn to prioritize. We figure out what we need to attend to no matter what, and what can slide while we put our attention towards something more important. And we deal!
So glad you come here, and share, and are so open and honest. That is a great way of dealing with things...you are not alone. Big hugs.
You said something that many of us have said...that we don't know if we can deal with...the situations, the feelings, etc. What does that mean? What will happen if we don't drink? Will the feelings kill us? What do we mean by deal?
I realized that I was running away from not feeling a feeling I didn't want to feel...but that feeling it actually would not kill me...BUT...what I chose to do in response to those feelings might very well kill me...like drinking, or drugging, or going home with some stranger.
The feelings themselves may feel overwhelming, scary, etc...but they won't kill us. And every time we go through them sober and live to tell about it, they are less scary, and we realize that we actually can deal.
And we learn to prioritize. We figure out what we need to attend to no matter what, and what can slide while we put our attention towards something more important. And we deal!
So glad you come here, and share, and are so open and honest. That is a great way of dealing with things...you are not alone. Big hugs.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
many are so right. i really love this forum because of that. we are so similar, everyone battles their own strange battles.
a very similar question has been bouncing around in my head?
why all this?
why all at once?
how do i manage?
i am too unstable.
in the past i proved to myself that i am able to deal with the most unpleasant of situations when i am sober, days will suck, nights will be uneasy... but there is nothing worse than dealing with all of the above + hangovers, etc.
so at least do yourself a favor and don't add another set of problems to your life by drinking ... i've tried too many times. and my failures were of epic proportions. the numbing effect that i got from alcohol quickly turned into a hangover, which turned into a binge a set of panic attacks and mounting problems from my real life.
a very similar question has been bouncing around in my head?
why all this?
why all at once?
how do i manage?
i am too unstable.
in the past i proved to myself that i am able to deal with the most unpleasant of situations when i am sober, days will suck, nights will be uneasy... but there is nothing worse than dealing with all of the above + hangovers, etc.
so at least do yourself a favor and don't add another set of problems to your life by drinking
... i've tried too many times. and my failures were of epic proportions. the numbing effect that i got from alcohol quickly turned into a hangover, which turned into a binge a set of panic attacks and mounting problems from my real life.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Posts: 214
@threshold @serious @KateL You guys have made me feel much better. This is going to make me stronger but only if I don't drink. I really appreciate this forum! I've kept quiet to my family as we have been all dealing with these changes so objective input has been great!
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