dax501

Today is day 3 of not drinking. My biggest trigger has always been stress, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, and lack of any 'quiet time' (I am a severe introvert). I stay at home with twin toddlers who are high maintenance, to put it kindly. It's constant need/whine/fight/cry. I struggle every day to get ONE sink of dishes washed. That's how needy they are. Forget about any quiet time for my brain to recharge. I just want to lock myself in the bathroom & guzzle vodka to numb the anxiety like before. And I probably would if I had any at this point, but it's not an option. I can't read/meditate/work out or do any of the other things people suggest to get through a craving because, well, zero privacy or quiet time. I'm in tears and don't know what to do. My partner suggested I get out this evening. But my going out to the store alone in the evening was always the time I hit the liquor stores. So I really don't want to have to risk succumbing to that pattern. Just don't know if I can do this.

ConfessionBear

I don't have children. So I can't join you in that part. But you commented on my posts yesterday and I feel a kinship, otherwise.
You remind me how lucky I am that my life is relatively simple. I'll think of you and what you're going through and how you're overcoming when I get tempted to stop somewhere on my way home from work today, okay? If I know there's someone out there with stressors that so outweigh mine, and that person can do it, I know I can, too.

Skye2

How about a long soak in a bubble bath (with earplugs if needed) and a book?

MsJax

I'm sorry Dax, that sounds horribly overwhelming. One thing you could try, maybe, is if you have other little kids in the neighborhood, could you and the other parent maybe make a child care trade? Like you take care of your kiddos plus the neighbors little kids for say 4-8 hours and then another day they'll take your babies? That mixes things up and a break can be seen in the monotony.

Congratulations on getting sober . Please keep it up! You know guzzling the V really won't help in the long run . Best wishes.

firstymer

Hi, dax501. Feeling stressed and overwhelmed are my two biggest triggers as well. And the alcohol does numb those feelings temporarily. But if you are like me, the stress comes roaring back as soon as I wake up/sober up from my latest binge. And then I have a healthy dose of guilt to add to the mix. So if you do the math, drinking will not give you the result you are looking for. Top that off with the risk to your twins of you being drunk while caring for them, and I don't thinking vodka is your answer.

Having a period of sobriety under my belt, I can promise you that the stress and anxiety DOES IMPROVE after you get past these first few difficult days.

Whether you can see it or not, 3 days of sobriety is a huge accomplishment. You should feel proud of what you are doing for your family.

Try to stay strong. And know that there are many, many of us who are supporting you and wishing you well.

Good luck. I hope you will post again and let us know how things go.

KateL

I got a nursery place for mine when they were small for a couple of hours in the afternoon to give me some me time, sometimes I didn't have the time for a bath. You can often get places for kids for free here. I'm not sure about where you are xxxxx

dax501

I'm struggling through. Got the kids to nap so I'm laying down for a bit. May take the partner up on the suggestion of getting out. Won't have to worry about the liquor store being a temptation since I have a negative bank balance (due to that vodka being more important Saturday than the bills that needed paid).

@KateL - I previously was looking into some type of daycare center. My problem is there are no free ones here & it's two of them so twice the cost. And I live in the middle of nowhere, no neighbors, etc. Plus now I'm scared if I had too much time home alone the temptations would be too strong. I'll have to weigh the pros & cons on that one.


@confessionbear - I'll be thinking of you at 5. Is there a different route you could go home to avoid your usual store? Even if it's out of your way?

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I knew it was going to be rough physically, but I underestimated the mental toll.

FreeOwl

I'm a single father of two little girls.... same story. Seven and four and CONSTANTLY attention-seeking, fighting, whining, bickering, needing....

It's really damned HARD and one thing to remember is to remember that. Give yourself credit for the job you do - no matter how you may feel sometimes like you're doing it poorly.

A few minutes and a few small changes can help. For me lately, eating more raw foods (I'm using fruit and vegetable smoothies) and getting up early and doing just a few minutes of yoga and meditation has helped. I do a few sun salutes and a few light stretches and then sit and so just 20 super deep, super long breaths trying to just let all thoughts go and not attach, then say a little intentional prayer for the day and that's it. It's a mini-recharge before the kids even get up.

If you can find a couple more of those in your day... even just an escape to your room while the kiddos watch a show or eat... ten deep breaths and a couple stretches - can be immensely helpful. I have a tendency to make it bigger and bigger until if I can't get two hours to go to the gym, sauna, relax and really take ME time or read a book or go for a run - then I just do nothing. Reminding myself that it doesn't have to be a huge thing for it to be hugely helpful is important.

I still feel like I may burst several times a day, but these things help keep me from pushing it all down inside the little box in me that can only take so much until I finally have it all so full in there that getting drunk seems like a really good idea.

anchorbird

I stayed home with my daughter utnil she was 2. I also didn't have much opportunity for time to myself. The thing that got me through was waking up in the morning before she did, even if it allotted me only 15 minutes alone.

Something else that helped me was taking 10 extra minutes after a shower. I would use nice lotion, file my nails, use a face mask, etc. Anything that would make me feel pampered. Buy yourself a really nice, soft bath towel and don't let anyone else use it, it is just for you!!!

Stretching helps me a lot in times of stress. When your little ones are napping, or first thing in the morning, sit on the floor and stretch. It will feel SO GOOD!

I hope some of this helps.