ClearMind

I think I have a bit of a strange case of alcoholism going on here. I've spent the last few months sober, more or less. I have "slipped up" three times during this time, and all three times were under the exact same circumstances - visiting my parent's house and having drinks with them.

What's strange is that I have not really had a major issue with staying sober when I am not in their house. I have even gone to a pub, to a live concert, made it through the holidays, and so forth, all without too much heartache. The issue is with my parents, and visiting their house on a Friday or a Saturday night.

My father is a pretty serious alcoholic, and my mother usually sits and drinks with him mostly every night. I feel that if I were to be there and not drink, it would certainly make them uncomfortable. I realize this is probably a result of them being uneasy because it may show that they drink too much and being around someone who is not drinking in that situation would possibly illuminate their issues, but regardless, it has been the thing that has caused me to cave in a few different times. I am not blaming my slip-ups on them, I have gotten up from those nights and dusted myself off and I am not re-focused. I guess what I'm saying is is that I might not strong enough to deal with all situations right now. I figured by going to a pub and things like that and staying sober without any real desire to drink would mean that I was strong enough to put myself in any situation, but in fact that doesn't appear to be the case.

I think my plan will be to stay away from that particular environment for the next few months. As I was drinking, I really didn't enjoy it. I knew it was wrong, but I still did it. The next morning, I regretted it. I'm not dwelling on the slip-ups, as I don't think that will do any good, but I am taking the facts from them. And the fact is, maybe I can't be around my parents in the evening, at least temporarily. Sad, possibly, but what are ya gonna do? I have to make sure sobriety is first and foremost, over everything and everyone else.

Thanks for listening!

FreeOwl

good to be aware of influences that you feel contribute to your own relapses....

But have you ever tried to hang with your parents without drinking? If it makes them uncomfortable, that's theirs to own, not yours.

Maybe it's a 'specific trigger' or maybe it's an opportunity to overcome a hurdle in your own sobriety....

Just a thought.

ScottFromWI

Have you actually talked to them about the fact that you are attempting to be sober?

It probably would make them uncomfortable, but the question you have to ask yourself is whether you value your sobriety or pleasing them as more important.

ClearMind

Well I do hang out with them often, during the day and when the kids are with me isn't an issue. We go over there for supper sometimes and everything is fine. It's just that when the evening rolls around, and everything is all settled, and they start putting the music on, this is when they're in their "drinking mode" and this is what I believe is causing me to drink. Again, I'm not using any excuses here, I am taking ownership of my slip-ups, but at the same time I have to logically analyse my limitations at this time and do what I can to prevent any further relapses.

To be honest, I have "pretended" to drink in the past (I drank non-alcoholic wine) in this exact setting, and it worked out fine. I was the only one who knew I wasn't drinking. Somehow in my head this made it easier. I know this isn't a long-term solution, I guess. I don't know.

ClearMind

I haven't really told them, I hinted at it I guess. I tell people I am training for a marathon and alcohol sets me back. But yet I cave in.

ScottFromWI

To be honest, I think that's your problem with this situation - you aren't being honest with yourself or with your parents. If sobriety is your goal, you need to either simply not drink around them and face the consequences, or just tell them that you aren't drinking so they don't expect you to. Drinking to placate them obviously doesn't help you at all, and "faking" it really doesn't do anyone any good either.

ClearLight

You could try telling them you just don't feel like drinking that night.

Even if there is an initial uncomfortableness that could fade away in about 1/2 hour. You could give it a try.

I mean - what if you just told them you didn't want to drink ever again because you're against alcohol? Would they think you're less of a son?

All kinds of people don't drink. For a lot of different reasons. Not everybody that doesn't drink is an alchy in recovery.

Anyway - good luck.

ClearMind

I know what your'e saying is the truth, I really do. It's the only thing that makes sense. I guess I don't think things through logically when I'm in that environment, it feels like the atmosphere is crushing and I get a bit panicky or something. Anyways, though, I am going to re-affirm with everyone that I am no longer a drinker, and I am going to stick with it this time. For the time being, though, I am going to avoid putting myself in those specific situations until I feel like I'm more confident that I won't drink.

doggonecarl

When I was drinking, I can't recall a single situation where someone's NOT drinking bothered me. What about you? Probably not. And it won't bother your parents.

The only person your non-drinking is causing discomfort to, is you.

ClearMind

You're absolutely right. I pretty well didn't care about anything that was going on around me when I was drinking. I think you single-handedly changed my whole opinion on this specific trigger for me. Gotta love SR.

Thanks!

FreeOwl

I agree with what Scott said.... as long as we're unable to be comfortable saying to others "I'm not drinking today" or "I've decided to try life without drinking for a while" or "I'm an alcoholic and I'm in recovery" or even just "No, thanks... I don't feel like drinking right now"..... we're not being honest with them or ourselves and are letting our alcoholic mind do the deciding.

Dee74

my Dad and I had this ritual of whenever we were together at his place we;d drink together of a night (my dad's not an alcoholic - it was like one maybe two drinks)

He missed that when I quit. I don;t think he fully got my complete lack of control, but he accepted thats the way it was going to be from here on in.

These days he drinks his port of low alc beer and I drink a Coke.

I think there's something to be said for speaking up and doing whats right for you, no matter what others do, ClearMind.

D