TheDreamer

Hi everyone. I never thought I would actually be posting something like this on a website such as this one. I guess that's speaking for a lot of us, huh? We never thought we'd be here...

I'm in a relationship with an alcoholic. I love him. I love him with everything I have to offer - mind, body, soul.

We've been together a little over a year. He's had a problem with drinking from the very start of our relationship. I stuck through the worst of it. I know that sounds silly. How could I possibly know what the worst is when we have this large future ahead of us? But the thing is, he IS getting better. Slowly but surely.

I have a problem though. I know that any day now he's going to be completely sober. I think it'll be about another month. Maybe even two. But it's going to happen very soon. I know I know. "How do you know this?" Because I see the change in him. Yeah, he has his moments. But those moments are becoming rarer and rarer. He's willing to open up to me. He's always very thoughtful, etc.

My problem: I don't know if I can take it anymore. I KNOW he'll stop. I know it because I see the progress he's making. But this weekend broke my heart. We were meant to spend it together, but he chose the alcohol over seeing me. And for some reason, it's broken my back. It was the last straw I could take. I love him and I believe in him. I've cleaned him up. I've been by his side through the worst. I walked into this relationship and knew I wanted to support him in any way possible. But this one weekend...it has seemed to have broken my spirit. It has me doubting him. It has me doubting my patience and my own strength to stand beside him.

I just need to know I'm not alone in these doubts. I need to know that it's okay that I question and doubt it.

I need to hear experiences.

He's never hurt me purposefully whole drunk. He's said pretty terrible things to me, but nothing that has traumatized me. He's hurt himself only once while intoxicated (well, majorly injured himself). And when he's sober he's the most loving man I know. Even when he's drunk he is constantly thinking about me and how he feels ashamed for putting me through this.

He recently (about 5 months) has obtained a new job. This is his moment now to shine and be proud of himself. In the course of obtaining the job he has only drank 3 times. He's a binge drinker. It worries me. I worry more about his future and him ruining it than ruining our relationship.

Until recently. Until this weekend was - in my opinion - wasted.

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't think I can actually handle it anymore. And I'm scared of that. Because I love him so much, and he loves me. And if he loses me, I'm terrified he'll just get worse. I don't want to see that happen or hear of that happening.

I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I can wait anymore.

Ruby2

You are at the right place but I suggest going to the family and friends of alcoholics thread here on SR. If you are tired of all of this, if you cannot take the pain anymore, you have the power to change things...for yourself. You cannot bank on the illusive hope that you "feel" he is getting better. That day may never come. And then what will you do?

I am sure you love him. I am sure he probably loves you too and doesn't mean the things he does while drunk but that doesn't mean that you need to accept that. You shouldn't accept that.

My husband and I will have our ninth wedding anniversary this week. Nine years he has been getting sober, relapsing, getting sober, relapsing. Over and over again. Each time he gets sober I think, hope and pray that this time it will stick. He is sober now. After I kicked him out of the house because I couldn't take it anymore. He went out in Christmas Eve to get drunk and high. Didn't come home AT ALL on Christmas Day. Didn't see our kids open their gifts. Didn't share a family Christmas dinner. I had enough. It sounds as if you have too.

I have been through the wringer for nine years. I am sure you don't want to go there. You can leave. You fear that you leaving will cause him to get worse. He will drink regardless of whether you leave or not. You will not cause him to drink. It would be his excuse to do what he would do anyway whether you are there or not. You cannot control what he does. You cannot cure what he does. You can only take care of yourself. And you sound like you need to take care of yourself. Pamper yourself because you are worth it. The never ending stress will make you ill. He is an adult. He can take care of himself.

diffingo911

Welcome, TheDreamer !!! Perhaps this Link will help:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Reboswon

@TheDreamer,

First of all - it's great that you have posted to seek some support for your current situation.

I am 8 months sober....previous to this I made my wife many promises to slowdown or to moderate my drinking only to fall into the same denial routines as before. I attempted to cry for help by cutting my wrists just enough to seek the attention I thought I needed. Then after 7 weeks of sobriety I convinced myself that I could try drinking again.....this time in moderation - only to be back where I started.
Then after 2 more weeks of promises to my wife, I reached for the bottle in the cupboard only to find a note on there that said " My beautiful husband, I love you so much and so do your 2 sons. If you keep drinking you won't have anyone to love you anymore. I beg of you to HELP YOURSELF to help all of us"
Wow, that really got to me! That evening I self harmed as a selfish punishment to myself and came within millimetres of dying.
What really hit the nail on the head for me was when I was laying in my hospital bed feeling so very guilty about taking up a bed that should have been for someone that was actually really ill and not for someone who chose alcohol above everything else. One of the nurses said to me - I need to ask you why? Why did you try to kill yourself? I answered " because I wanted to punish myself" the nurse said "where I come from children die of starvation and families die because they have no shelter"
This was the moment for me that turned my whole life around. Every time I see alcohol now, I think of this.

Healthy mind - healthy body!

I realised that only I can do something about this.

So, TheDreamer, ask your partner " are they ready to help themselves?

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Dreamer

I am sorry for what you are going through but I am sure you'll find some support here x

Dee74

Hi Dreamer

I think loving an active alcoholic must be the loneliest job on earth sometimes, but there are people here who've been what you're going through and want to help.

When I was drinking I broke not one but two relationships. It wasn't that I was a bad man, it was just there were three in the relationship, me, her and booze.

you're within your rights to feel broken and to doubt. It's very tough situation to deal with and only you know were your limit is.

We get it - welcome to SR

D

least

Welcome to SR! I can only echo what Dee said. Only you know your limits.

Whatever happens you can always come here and talk to us. I hope you can have peace in your life.