How do you tell people?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Seymour, CT
Posts: 132
How do you tell people?
How do you tell your friends and family that you're seeking sobriety?
I'm a binge drinker. I can go days, weeks or months without touching a sip of alcohol but when I do, I drink until I blackout. My relationship with the substance is extremely unhealthy.
I want to tell them right off the bat so when in a situation that puts me around alcohol they don't ask me if I want a drink. When I say no, I fear they may push back. My group of friends are not enablers and they do not have drinking problems themselves. However, they certainly enjoy going out and having a few. They are responsible with it. I've always been the girl down for a drink... or twelve.
I guess the purpose of this thread is to figure out the most effective way and explaining my situation in as few words as possible. I don't want to make it a big deal.
Any advise would be so greatly appreciated!
- Nikka
I'm a binge drinker. I can go days, weeks or months without touching a sip of alcohol but when I do, I drink until I blackout. My relationship with the substance is extremely unhealthy.
I want to tell them right off the bat so when in a situation that puts me around alcohol they don't ask me if I want a drink. When I say no, I fear they may push back. My group of friends are not enablers and they do not have drinking problems themselves. However, they certainly enjoy going out and having a few. They are responsible with it. I've always been the girl down for a drink... or twelve.
I guess the purpose of this thread is to figure out the most effective way and explaining my situation in as few words as possible. I don't want to make it a big deal.
Any advise would be so greatly appreciated!
- Nikka
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Just say, I'm not drinking anymore, it doesn't seem to agree with me, the hangovers are awful. If they don't accept that then they are not worth bothering with but, by the sound of it, they will be fine. Try not to worry. I've never had a problem telling people I don't want to drink. Good luck xxxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
My way forward, was not have any grand announcement before hand, take each social event as it comes, then within the event reply "I'll have a (non alcoholic drink)" or "I'm not drinking tonight"!!
I would steer clear of making excuses, they can come back to bite, you can't be driving, on medication, or on a diet for the rest of your life, so you need to nip it in the bud straight away, but best taking each social occasion at a time!!
I would steer clear of making excuses, they can come back to bite, you can't be driving, on medication, or on a diet for the rest of your life, so you need to nip it in the bud straight away, but best taking each social occasion at a time!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Lying had been part of my addiction so I did not do that. No excuses.
But, I never felt a need to tell people. I am very private, in general, and I found that embarking on my recovery journey, I felt very vulnerable. So, I told no one. A simple 'No, thanks' is my response and I feel no need to elaborate. I also think it's rude if someone asks why I'm not drinking.
But, I never felt a need to tell people. I am very private, in general, and I found that embarking on my recovery journey, I felt very vulnerable. So, I told no one. A simple 'No, thanks' is my response and I feel no need to elaborate. I also think it's rude if someone asks why I'm not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Finger Lakes, NY
Posts: 521
I had the same problem. I could go for a very long time without drinking, but all it takes is just 1 and I'd finish the bottle or pass out, whichever came first. No more of that!
If I'm offered a drink, I just say "No thanks". If pressed, I tell them that alcohol bothers my stomach so I don't drink anymore (which is true...a hung-over, sick stomach is no fun)!
If I'm offered a drink, I just say "No thanks". If pressed, I tell them that alcohol bothers my stomach so I don't drink anymore (which is true...a hung-over, sick stomach is no fun)!
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Yes, it's not being dishonest to say things like it disagrees with me or makes me ill because it's the truth really without going into details. I wouldn't go into great raptures about being a taxi driver or it disagrees with my pills, because I see local people all the time and they would think it was a bit weird 
x
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Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
When I first stopped I had an awful feeling that I had to say to everyone "My name is Marcher and I'm an alcoholic" but the only person I had to say that to was me. I see two situations here:
1) You are with friends or acquaintances or strangers you don't see often. In those cases I simply say "I'll have sparkling mineral water" and leave it at that. If offered wine I say "No thanks".
2) The other situation is where you are with friends/family you see regularly who have seen you drink more than your fair share in the past. I felt I had to say something so I did. "No thanks, I'm not drinking." When I got the inevitable "Why not?" I tell the truth, "I feel so much better without it" then I change the conversation.
It's now reached the stage where people say "Oh that's right, you don't drink" when they are pouring wine. Sweet music to my ears.
1) You are with friends or acquaintances or strangers you don't see often. In those cases I simply say "I'll have sparkling mineral water" and leave it at that. If offered wine I say "No thanks".
2) The other situation is where you are with friends/family you see regularly who have seen you drink more than your fair share in the past. I felt I had to say something so I did. "No thanks, I'm not drinking." When I got the inevitable "Why not?" I tell the truth, "I feel so much better without it" then I change the conversation.
It's now reached the stage where people say "Oh that's right, you don't drink" when they are pouring wine. Sweet music to my ears.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I do not feel the need to tell people about my struggle. This journey is personal for me and the ones that do know are family members and really close friends. I think whatever you decide to do needs to be right for you. There really is not a black and white answer for this seeing how it is a personal journey. Welcome to SR! You will find much support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 500
Hi Nikkobean!
I just started telling people. I was surprised that it just came out of my mouth actually. However I know that I cannot start drinking again or I will die from alcoholism. So rather than mess around I just tell people and for the most part people aren't surprised because I know most people already know that I am an alcoholic anyway. As I know I was always drunk. However for the people who I've seen over the holidays who I don't know very well. I would tell them that I quit and I quit because I was drinking 2 bottles of wine and then Bourbon after I ran out. Or I tell them that I when I drink I cannot stop and I wake up fully clothed and unable to remember how I managed even to make it into my bed the night before. I know it sounds dramatic but they know now and that is it. Most people are like, "right do you want some tea?" I think if people know then it's done. You are taking the cards off the table and helping yourself by being honest about it. Really I think nowadays I find most people get it and will leave you alone. When I quit before I didn't tell anyone because I think I knew I was going to start again. So if I told everyone and then started drinking again it would make people talk etc...
I was close to death when I stopped in every sense of the word so there is no turning back for me.
Congratulations on your sobriety! You can do it. I am a loud outgoing type of person that says what I think most of the time. However if you are a naturally private person maybe just say no thank you. And if someone presses you, you can say you're not in the mood if you don't want to get into the details of it all. Or sit and write about it. Sometimes writing about problems has a way of helping you towards the answer.
I just started telling people. I was surprised that it just came out of my mouth actually. However I know that I cannot start drinking again or I will die from alcoholism. So rather than mess around I just tell people and for the most part people aren't surprised because I know most people already know that I am an alcoholic anyway. As I know I was always drunk. However for the people who I've seen over the holidays who I don't know very well. I would tell them that I quit and I quit because I was drinking 2 bottles of wine and then Bourbon after I ran out. Or I tell them that I when I drink I cannot stop and I wake up fully clothed and unable to remember how I managed even to make it into my bed the night before. I know it sounds dramatic but they know now and that is it. Most people are like, "right do you want some tea?" I think if people know then it's done. You are taking the cards off the table and helping yourself by being honest about it. Really I think nowadays I find most people get it and will leave you alone. When I quit before I didn't tell anyone because I think I knew I was going to start again. So if I told everyone and then started drinking again it would make people talk etc...
I was close to death when I stopped in every sense of the word so there is no turning back for me.
Congratulations on your sobriety! You can do it. I am a loud outgoing type of person that says what I think most of the time. However if you are a naturally private person maybe just say no thank you. And if someone presses you, you can say you're not in the mood if you don't want to get into the details of it all. Or sit and write about it. Sometimes writing about problems has a way of helping you towards the answer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Lynnwood WA
Posts: 424
What Marcher said. If these are close friends, then deep down they already know that you have a problem. When I told family and close friends, they didn't need a reason; they accepted it and told me how proud they were of me. And for others, I added that I feel better without it; that might make them think twice about it. For those who pushed, they turned out to not be friends that I wanted to hang out with anymore, as sad as that may be. I didn't want to say anything for awhile but now, since sobriety is such a huge part of my life, I usually just blurt it out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
I told those who I thought needed to know and for the rest of the world, I say no thanks.
What is nice about telling people is that you won't be tempted and can't leave the door open so to speak to have a drink in a moment of weakness. I did this for years and it probably wasn't the best idea looking back. I've also told people I'm on a diet, not feeling well, or on new meds, all of which were true at the time.
What is nice about telling people is that you won't be tempted and can't leave the door open so to speak to have a drink in a moment of weakness. I did this for years and it probably wasn't the best idea looking back. I've also told people I'm on a diet, not feeling well, or on new meds, all of which were true at the time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 51
I told and tell only people that need to know. Those on the need to know list all have known I was an alcoholic any way. The list was (a) my fiancé he was thrilled because my drinking and use of medication had been increasing and he did not know how to approach it with me, (b) my parents primarily because my father is a high functioning alcoholic that does not want help and I have needed to pull away a bit, (c) my best friend because after a recent girls trip she told me point blank "You have a drinking problem. You've had one for years and it will catch up to you. I want you to get help." I felt I owed it to her to let her know I was, and (d) my fellow partners at work because I needed to use accrued sabbatical time much earlier than planned. Without exception these people expressed that they knew I had a problem were happy I was getting help and wanted to support me.
Others I say nothing to and go about my business. The only people who will really care you are not drinking are people that themselves have a problem.
Others I say nothing to and go about my business. The only people who will really care you are not drinking are people that themselves have a problem.
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