Where to begin?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
I'm very new to all this having spent years not thinking I have a problem. A lot of the reason is because I'm a gay male and most I know drink heavily and have casual sex.
I still feel like a fraud given I *only* binge drink every 6 wks but to the point of destruction. Last time involved me getting to such a vulnerable place that when someone did something sexual I just let it happen. I'm such a moral person sober this had been a giant crash.
This happened before in my last r/ship and I stopped drinking for a year despite having no encouragement from bf or friends. I'm now back in the same position.
The bf doesn't know what happened and that's a separate issue but is completely unsupportive of my quitting. Maybe if I told him everything he'd be more supportive? Maybe he'd leave? Who knows.
I've moved away from family, have the house, dog etc., and if I lose all that I'm scared I'd go back on the gay scene and just be worse. I love the bf but right now can't really look at him. He just thinks I'm depressed due to hangover.
A long old story there and I'm sorry. I'm just anxious, depressed and scared. The first step I have taken, however, is to never drink again. And I'm on Day 3.
I still feel like a fraud given I *only* binge drink every 6 wks but to the point of destruction. Last time involved me getting to such a vulnerable place that when someone did something sexual I just let it happen. I'm such a moral person sober this had been a giant crash.
This happened before in my last r/ship and I stopped drinking for a year despite having no encouragement from bf or friends. I'm now back in the same position.
The bf doesn't know what happened and that's a separate issue but is completely unsupportive of my quitting. Maybe if I told him everything he'd be more supportive? Maybe he'd leave? Who knows.
I've moved away from family, have the house, dog etc., and if I lose all that I'm scared I'd go back on the gay scene and just be worse. I love the bf but right now can't really look at him. He just thinks I'm depressed due to hangover.
A long old story there and I'm sorry. I'm just anxious, depressed and scared. The first step I have taken, however, is to never drink again. And I'm on Day 3.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Congrats on day three!
Maybe you need to slow down a bit. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Try taking the drinking issue first. One step/issue at a time.
I am glad you are here. For me, once I tackled the drinking then many other issues faded or became much easier to face with a clear head.
Maybe you need to slow down a bit. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Try taking the drinking issue first. One step/issue at a time.
I am glad you are here. For me, once I tackled the drinking then many other issues faded or became much easier to face with a clear head.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Welcome and well done on day three. I think you are right to prioritise your problems . One at a time. Quitting drinking is defo the first one to go because that will make it so much easier to deal with any other issues. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
The way forward is there somewhere, if your able to speak to your family Dr that might also be a great step . When you binge how long do the horrors last normally if by 3 days they've stopped then perhaps the consequences of your trauma are showing!
Having a non supportive partner for not drinking is not uncommon here so help is around and abuse is also a common thread though often historical.
For all three of your situations time will help , being sober is fantastic and life really pulls out all the colours , you can do it just remember the first drink is the one that does it!
Don't pretend nothing happened to you but likewise you don't need everyone to know and you do need support .
I'm sorry for your situation and what has happened to you.
Love John.
Having a non supportive partner for not drinking is not uncommon here so help is around and abuse is also a common thread though often historical.
For all three of your situations time will help , being sober is fantastic and life really pulls out all the colours , you can do it just remember the first drink is the one that does it!
Don't pretend nothing happened to you but likewise you don't need everyone to know and you do need support .
I'm sorry for your situation and what has happened to you.
Love John.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Dissimilar - welcome 
I'm not gay but I surrounded myself with big drinkers too - I think that's something that may be common for a lot of us?
If your drinking is causing you problems and leading you into situations you wouldn't ordinarily be in, then I think you're right to stop and take stock.
The journey to where you want to be starts today
D
I'm not gay but I surrounded myself with big drinkers too - I think that's something that may be common for a lot of us?
If your drinking is causing you problems and leading you into situations you wouldn't ordinarily be in, then I think you're right to stop and take stock.
The journey to where you want to be starts today
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Perth Australia
Posts: 5
Hey Dis. I definitely drink more than you but every now and then it causes me to lose reality. . I hate to have to be here but am so happy that it is. I think our issues are the same..... Alcohol
All the best. Xxx Benny
All the best. Xxx Benny
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
Thank you all for encouraging words. How do you deal with the guilt of actions taken when you were drunk? Do you have to tell people, apologise and hope for the best or is that just to help your own guilt?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think amends are best made later - focus on yourself and your recovery for now.
Some amends I couldn't make - I'd lost contact, it might hurt others, it might put me in danger....
I just try to my best everyday now according to the standards I set myself. I consider that a kind of living amends.
As far as guilt goes - yesterday is gone. We can't change a second.
We can do a lot with today tho - and living amends dovetails nicely into that side of it too
D
Some amends I couldn't make - I'd lost contact, it might hurt others, it might put me in danger....
I just try to my best everyday now according to the standards I set myself. I consider that a kind of living amends.
As far as guilt goes - yesterday is gone. We can't change a second.
We can do a lot with today tho - and living amends dovetails nicely into that side of it too
D
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