Misc72

I have been sober for 26 days and it feels GREAT!. However, Our business has recently taken a nose dive. I'm being so mean to my husband about it. I catch myself making comments, or sulking. I am even short fused with my son. When I was first informed about our business struggles I dove to the bottom of the bottle to numb myself. Maybe I am now faced with actually FEELING my real feelings. I know this is self-destructive behavior... I want to and I am willing to change it. Any advice?

foolsgold66

Yes. Smile. Even when you don't want to.

suki44883

Early sobriety is a VERY emotional time. I recall I would burst out in tears over the smallest thing. Maybe you could talk about it with your husband and perhaps your son, too? I don't know how old your son is, but at least think about discussing it with your husband. Just let him know that life is affecting you in a way you're not used to because you are no longer drinking your feelings away.

I remember it taking a few months before I felt stable again and didn't get so emotional about every little thing.

EndGameNYC

No one likes feeling frightened, so we practice a sleight of mind that turns our fear into anger.

For many of us, fear is our constant companion during our drinking days. When it hits us while we're sober, we'll pretty much do anything to avoid it, rationalize it or kill it. But none of that helps.

You can only do what you can do to improve your business, so taking action in that regard will also bring you to a better place emotionally. Discussing your fear honestly and openly with someone you trust can go a long way in helping you to feel less frightened by whatever it is that that you're struggling with.

LiaAc

Sunshine, DEFINITELY communicate about what you're feeling, what you're going through and why you are being temperamental with everyone. It's very common, I know I have done the same thing many times. When I catch myself I apologize and try to move on from it, but I still feel guilty.

You've taken a big step in your sobriety, and unfortunately there are going to be some negative side effects as you continue down that road. Just try to communicate about what you're feeling as much as possible. And don't give up!

PurpleKnight

Yeah the mood swings early on are intense, but they will mellow out with time, it's about riding them out until then, but realise that when things are said a bit sharper than normal that might not be accurately how you feel, but rather your adjusting from consuming alcohol!

cheebiechi

Well for me I must say my feelings have intensified, as with business, personal finances are starting to come back to me. I am just so grateful to be sober so I can deal with them now instead of pushing them under the counter.
My wife and I are taking them day by day just like my sobriety, it will all work out for us it will just take time to repair the mess that has been done. I love my wife and sobriety, so I just let go and let god, and like has been said SMILE, its the greatest gift I have now and the ability to take to my wife when I am feeling down, anxious or even mad about our situation!

sorry for the ramblings, lol

Matt

hypochondriac

I was angry for a long time when I first got sober... Maybe if you tell/warn your husband (it's a bit like extreme pms...) then he hopefully won't take it too personally. It does pass in time x

KateL

Yes, firstly, I agree with the smile comment It releases endorphin's and I am doing it now, on my own and must look a bit crazed Secondly, since being sober, I have managed my finances, getting out of holes and damage limitation with a clear head. I hope your business struggles ease. xxxxx

EverySngleNight

It sounds like a pretty stressful situation. Not sure if your business is your sole source of income but... Finances are the number 1 source of marital problems. That, then in second place we have the division of household responsibilities. I'm wondering if you're feeling extra pressure/stress in that department too?

I wouldn't be too quick to totally blame NOT drinking, or to put ALL of the accountability on yourself either. Alcoholics like to blame all of life's rotten circumstances on themselves, and our loved ones (right or wrong) are often more than happy to do the same. Sometimes yes, it really is "all our fault". But a lot of times it's not.

My husband and I are having to readjust a lot of things. I think that he thought once I quit drinking (he quit too), life would be all unicorns and buttercups. Not so. I'm sober, and I'm noticing things that make me feel really unsupported at times. I'm not always reacting the best, that's true. But, it doesn't change the fact that there're REAL issues going on that need to be dealt with. So, he's planning to start therapy and we're going to go together as well. We both need to make some changes if we're going to keep this boat on course!

Honestly, I felt so guilty all of the time- for being hungover or for "over doing it", that I let a lot of BS slide and put everything on myself. (can you relate?) I didn't feel I deserved more from him. That guilt enabled him to get lazy and allowed me to keep drinking. I wasn't asking for help with things I couldn't take on alone, and resentments definitely built up- on both sides. I know how it sounds (not good), but it is the truth.

Being in a relationship sober rather than as an alcoholic, is a real game-changer. I'm realizing it's a lot of work! At least you're not just sucking it up. You're discharging your frustration - maybe not in a way you feel great about - but that's better than turning a blind eye or drowning it in alcohol! IMO you should really evaluate the situation. You might be over-reacting in some moment to unrelated issues, but what's underneath all that I wonder? Is it truly just NOT drinking, or is there something more to it? What do you need right now from them? Do you feel like you can/deserve to ask for what you need? I didn't at first... and I think it could've destroyed my marriage.

I know it sucks... But, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. We ignore a LOT of stuff when we're drunk and it doesn't always just go away because we're sober...unfortunately. BUT, being sober does allow us to face it and figure it out. Growing pains.

I hope this was helpful in some way. Hang in there!!!

FeelingGreat

Sunshine, apologise to your husband and tell him why you're struggling. You would be amazed at how much better you feel and cope.

LDT

Ditto what hypochondriac said.... I just asked my H to give me a little time and space and promised I would try to be nicer. It was an extreme roller coaster ride for quite a while. Don't worry, sunshine...It will level out.

EndGameNYC

Yes. Relationships mean conflict, and conflict means work. Lots of it.

Many of us cling to childlike ideas that being in love solves all problems. But love is not enough, even when we accept the reality that love is not what we say, or think, or feel...It's what we do.

The same can be said of struggling to get sober.