happyperson

I'm going to repeat what I posted in another thread just so I can get some help.

Had 5 days sober. Now I'm wasted with a bottle of wine ready for tomorrow. Or maybe I'll down it this evening.

This is terrible. I expected to be done with alcohol, but I keep getting wasted. Tomorrow I'll have a bottle of wine, if it's not empty and I'm suffering. Which didn't prevent me to get a couple of bottles in the past though.

Thank God to spelling correction...

Anyway, I will delete the sobriety date I filled in, which was for tomorrow. I will drink that bottle or find a bottle or 2. Maybe I'll go to a bar, perhaps get into a fight once again. Don't you love the loosening of inhibitions alcohol causes? (No!).

To be clear, I never, ever want fights to happen. But they come to me and when drunk, I can't walk away.

4 hospital visits and 2 missing teeth. I'm a big, tall guy, but if there's 3 of them, I can't win. In a way I'm happy to have not done any damage.

So now I'm drunk. Tomorrow I will be. How can this end?

Sorry for the dramatic post.

PurpleKnight

I posted on the other thread happyperson, but I'll post the same message here too.

Here's the thing, it's time to get serious, forget this "I'll get sober tomorrow", if you have the will to get sober, now is the time.

The beer, the wine, time to flush it, or pour it down the sink, it's now or never, it is time to get sober!!

You need to start with a DAY 1, it can't start without you WANTING to be sober, I believe you do, you wouldn't be posting on a sober recovery website otherwise, please make that first step!!

candysweetie

Happyperson,you will get there in the end,I did and believe me,I was a lost cause! Honest to god! My advice is try and keep yourself safe today..dont be too hard on yourself! You are on this site and that in itself is positive..keep in touch if you can! You did 5 days sober and thats something ok. I had a job to do that a few years back too..keep things simple for yourself ok if you can xxx

Thepatman

What support system are you using other than SR? Maybe you need more support? Have you considered AA? You really need to want this sobriety than the drink.

Try to see it as putting your hand in fire, it burns. So you make the decision to not burn yourself. Same thing for booze, you make a decision to not take the first drink.

Good luck! You can do this!

happyperson

@Thepatman, if you see my other thread, I really need help with my OCD.

Dee74

Hi HappyPerson

I think downing that other bottle and going out looking for a fight would be a HUGE mistake.
You feel bad, I get that - but you're already punishing yourself more than enough.

Punishment by knuckle is not required

There's another option. It's the best of the lot.

Dump all the booze you have - right now...lie down..

Get some rest, recommit to recovery, maybe think about what else you need to do to make this work, and start again

D

1newcreation

Hey happy?
The words from your mouth & thoughts in your head are what are causing your demise! All These "promises" people make that tomm or new yrs day is the day to quit drinking, smoking or using is a major ruse; why not TODAY?? Tomm is promised to no one plus it's just putting off a responsibility you know you obviously need to make
Heard my pastor preach 1 time say if smthg is worth doing, it's worth doing NOW!
I've got thgs I struggle w/ so I'm work in progress too but thank goodness sobriety makes life sooo much easier
Pour down all the alc in sink & maybe seeing that will wake you up of $ wasted
Best wishes to you sir

least

What Dee said.

Thepatman

I read the other thread. Looks like you were doing really well. You just need to repeat what you did but give it more time to stick. You will not feel like everything is peachy the first few weeks. But with patience and time, but mostly hanging around here on SR you will make it.

Listen man I'm only in 9 days so I'm no expert. But I can tell you that my struggle is really not that difficult. Maybe it's because I finally admitted to myself that I did not have to be slave to this until I die. That god gave me the freedom of choice and all the power to beat anything.

Dig deep inside my friend, find that strength dormant because of the booze. It's waiting for you to tap into.

KateL

I was a lost cause too. I know it's hard to flush the drink away when you are in the middle of a session. Perhaps sleep it off and start tomorrow, that's what I used to do. Realistically, I could never stop dead in the middle of a binge without the sleep thing. Do try tomorrow xxx

MB8

Congrats patman on your 9 nine days. That's awesome. MB8

Thepatman

Thanks MB8!!

KateL

Yes, congrats x

FluffUSPS

My older brother was dual-diagnosed. Dealing with the illness of alcoholism is enough without having to face the mental illness as well. I speak to and fellowship with many such alcoholics and addicts. The best experience I can give is through my brother. He drank as a medication for his BPD. That's what my alcoholic mentality does, too: I self-medicate. When I'm lonely, angry, depressed, or, strange as it sounds, even when I'm happy. What I found is similar to what my brother needed to see: that both illnesses are equally treatable, if I'm willing to be honest with myself, want it, and realize how important my sanity and sobriety--which go hand in hand--are. I had to be willing to admit that my desire to self-medicate was being passed up by my desire to live. And living meant for me to put the cork in the bottle, and for my brother, it meant to actively seek help for his mental illness as well. But it all had to start with a decision: Whether or not I had had enough.

Leana

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
~Abraham Lincoln~

At some point you have to stop dreaming about tomorrow and start living for today!
~unknown~

mistyks

sometimes instead of day by day you have to live minute by minute