zombiegirl

Last night I had some extremely bad news
I got it while I was at work about a family member who is very ill. I don't want to go into too much detail as it just upsets me more.
I was so upset I had a glass of wine. I wish I hadn't but at the time I felt I needed it.
I had it n went to bed.
I feel so bad that I've let myself down again.

I have called the hospital to check on my family member this morning and they are doing better but I just wish I hadn't felt like I needed that glass of wine.

Sorry
I don't feel like I deserve to be on here anymore.
I'm going to go for a while to clear my head.
Have a good Christmas guys. I shall try my hardest to make mine a sober one

Louise82

Zombiegirl, I'm sorry about your family member but I'm glad they're doing better.

Don't feel like you don't deserve to be here. SR is exactly the place we should be when we're struggling. There's so much support here and we don't shoot our wounded. We just want you to get better. Heck, I joined SR in January and I only have 5 months sober. The good folk here got me through some rough posts and rough times.

If we could all just give up drinking one day without any problems or issues, there wouldn't be a need for SR.

There's nothing you can do to change the fact you had that glass of wine. Don't beat yourself up anymore; learn from the experience and move forward with your recovery.

zombiegirl

I just feel like recently in can't even get to the week mark as everything is happening to me :-(

Skye2

Hey gal - you had bad news, you turned to what used to help you unwind. We've all done it, so please stop being down on yourself
It's good that after the one, you stopped and went to bed - well done on that!

As you know though, i'm sure, we can get away with it once, maybe twice and then it leaps up and bites us on the ass again

Hope you get some good news today and don't leave us! There is really no need to Xx

zombiegirl

I just wish god would listen to me one of these days and just for once not throw a big pile of sh1t at me

Louise82

Just keep trying. The most important thing is that you're trying. I really admire you for that during this difficult time for you. Take it a day, an hour, a minute at a time if you have to. Do you have any face-to-face support? Anyone you can talk to about everything that's happening? GP/therapist/counsellor/recovery group/friends or family who are supportive of your sobriety?

Dee74

ZG - SR is for people struggling - it makes no sense to leave SR when you need support the most.

You had bad news and you resorted to the only coping mechanism many of us knew.

Learn your lessons from this, start working on new coping strategies and new support systems, and get back on the horse.

I don't think Gods throwing anything at you personally. Sometimes life is hard - people we love get ill or whatever...If life is hard for you at the moment, its all the more important you stay sober so you can deal with things, and help others to deal with them too

Don't try - make this Christmas a sober one.

The best way to do that is to stay here - in fact I suggest you post more.

whaddya say?

D

Skye2

God helps those who help themselves babe - and there a lot of people that are into God on SR. Perhaps he's working through the forum? Just a thought POST!!

zombiegirl

I start councilling next month this is for my depression but I am also going to discuss my drinking as I cannot do this anymore.
Since a kid life has been hard and it just seems like too much some days.
I'll post when I'm not working I just wish life could be easier one day.
I really love you guys on here I was scared today in case I would be judged but all you've done is support me and I am truly grateful to u all

Skye2

Sweetheart - if I told you everything that had happened to me since childhood, you would think I was inventing it. My solution? Take each ****** thing that has happened and help others going through the same - it's SO therapeutic - honestly Xx

zombiegirl

Thank u x

Louise82

Yeah I also have depression and started counselling for it this month. Good idea for you to discuss your drinking with your counsellor. When I was drinking, the alcohol contributed to my depression. It's only now I'm sober that I'm able to finally deal with my depression properly.

Stay sober from now on and you'll get a lot more out of the counselling once it starts. Your mind will be clearer and you'll be able to work better with the counsellor. I've had counselling when I was drinking and now that I'm having it when I'm sober, it makes a lot more sense and I'm getting much more out of it because I'm able to put more into it.

zombiegirl

I'm scared in owning up to it with them as I'm always scared that they will take my kids.
I never ever drink infront of them n my husband is a great support when he doesn't buy alcohol in

Skye2

You might be better going to an alcohol counsellor - I know from experience in the UK there are only two reasons that they can legally break confidentiality - one is if they are worried you are going to harm yourself and the other is risk to kids.
I personally, don't think you would be able to relax babe - I would perhaps deal with issues other than booze with that counsellor and find an addiction one to back it up?

zombiegirl

If never harm my kids. I think their too focused on picking on the wrong ppl here in the uk.
I'm going to find a local AA meeting n go from there. I just don't want ppl to recognise me at work

KateL

I had social workers who ticked me off on many an occasion. But they did their utmost to keep us together and I never lost my kids x

Louise82

Glad that you're taking action by finding a local meeting. You can search for the meetings nearest to you on their site or call their helpline: Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd - Home

Anyone at the meeting is just there for the same reason that you are. Nothing for you or them to be ashamed of or judged for.

Skye2

listen to this lady - love ya kate (from the other one) Xxxxxxx

EndGameNYC

Hi zombiegirl.

From one perspective, none of us truly "deserve" to be here. We're certainly not here on merit. And no one "deserves" to be an alcoholic.

I think that many of us are here because we're struggling to stay alive. Achieving that, we then struggle to live a better life by alleviating our suffering, and the suffering of others who found this wonderful place, a place that has no doubt saved lives and changed other lives for the better. Tremendous support, useful information and stories of overcoming unimaginable adversity that often end in living an equally unimaginable life.

After a short time here, I learned that I was reading and commenting as the last part of my day before sleeping. I wouldn't have it any other way.

HeadLump

Stay with us, zombiegirl. We're all behind you, rooting for you Don't ever give up giving up - you can do this