leaving an addict
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 3
leaving an addict
I'm new to this forum and decided to make a profile because I am at my wit's end and would like to talk to people who don't know my situation & have a more objective viewpoint, experience dealing with these kinds of things, & so forth. Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I love my boyfriend very much and care deeply for him, but drugs are damaging and ruining our relationship and I'm at a loss as to what to do and where to go from here. He's struggled with drugs a good portion of his life. In his teens he struggled with opiates, did stupid things while on them, went to jail, and eventually went to treatment for a year as a consequence. Then, about half a year ago I caught on to the fact that he had developed a xanax addiction and I told his family about it. It was a really tough time in our relationship but we managed to get through it and it seemed as though he had hit rock bottom and was ready to get clean. He started seeing an addiction counselor, picking up hobbies, telling me how happy he was living life sober, things were great. However, just 2 months or so ago he landed himself in the hospital and was induced into a medical coma because he had tore his esophagus and was internally bleeding after smoking a large amount of heroin and consuming a large amount of MDMA. It was traumatic, I was there and called 911 because he lost consciousness and was throwing up almost half his body weight in blood, and it was mortifying and scary. Nobody knew whether he was going to make it, he was extremely close to death, and I thought when he got out that that would be a wake up call for him and it was until now. The other day I came home after work and when I saw him I could tell he was coming down from something, it was beyond obvious. He lied about it at first, but finally admitted to me he had used valium the previous night. I was upset and hurt more than I was angry, it felt like a slap in the face after everything me and his family went through while he was hospitalized. We had a long talk and he started telling me he hasn't been happy sober, he can use in moderation where it's not an issue or a problem, it scares him to think that he has to go the rest of his life without feeling the feelings drugs give him, etc. I personally don't believe he can use in moderation, I think it might start out in moderation, but then his life will go right back downhill to where he was months ago when he was at his lowest on xanax. I tried explaining that perspective and point of view to him and letting him know that 2 months isn't a long time, it takes longer than 2 months for your brain and body to heal from chemical dependence and his exact words were, "What if I told you you couldn't go dancing with your friends anymore? How would that make you feel?" I thought that was ridiculous and at that point I told him it was me or drugs, there's a lot of things we can disagree and reach a middle ground on, but this isn't one of them. At that point he started crying and telling me how much he's scared to lose me and he's gonna get into treatment ASAP and his mind is playing tricks on him,etc. but I don't know if I buy it. I've loved him through all of this, tried to help him and be there for him, but I feel like maybe his love for drugs is stronger than his love for me. I feel guilty walking away after he opened up to me and spent hours just crying on my shoulder and I want to give him a chance to get into treatment and get clean, but I also don't want to be in a relationship where I'm worried he's gonna overdose or something's going to happen every time we're not together so I don't really know what to do.
I love my boyfriend very much and care deeply for him, but drugs are damaging and ruining our relationship and I'm at a loss as to what to do and where to go from here. He's struggled with drugs a good portion of his life. In his teens he struggled with opiates, did stupid things while on them, went to jail, and eventually went to treatment for a year as a consequence. Then, about half a year ago I caught on to the fact that he had developed a xanax addiction and I told his family about it. It was a really tough time in our relationship but we managed to get through it and it seemed as though he had hit rock bottom and was ready to get clean. He started seeing an addiction counselor, picking up hobbies, telling me how happy he was living life sober, things were great. However, just 2 months or so ago he landed himself in the hospital and was induced into a medical coma because he had tore his esophagus and was internally bleeding after smoking a large amount of heroin and consuming a large amount of MDMA. It was traumatic, I was there and called 911 because he lost consciousness and was throwing up almost half his body weight in blood, and it was mortifying and scary. Nobody knew whether he was going to make it, he was extremely close to death, and I thought when he got out that that would be a wake up call for him and it was until now. The other day I came home after work and when I saw him I could tell he was coming down from something, it was beyond obvious. He lied about it at first, but finally admitted to me he had used valium the previous night. I was upset and hurt more than I was angry, it felt like a slap in the face after everything me and his family went through while he was hospitalized. We had a long talk and he started telling me he hasn't been happy sober, he can use in moderation where it's not an issue or a problem, it scares him to think that he has to go the rest of his life without feeling the feelings drugs give him, etc. I personally don't believe he can use in moderation, I think it might start out in moderation, but then his life will go right back downhill to where he was months ago when he was at his lowest on xanax. I tried explaining that perspective and point of view to him and letting him know that 2 months isn't a long time, it takes longer than 2 months for your brain and body to heal from chemical dependence and his exact words were, "What if I told you you couldn't go dancing with your friends anymore? How would that make you feel?" I thought that was ridiculous and at that point I told him it was me or drugs, there's a lot of things we can disagree and reach a middle ground on, but this isn't one of them. At that point he started crying and telling me how much he's scared to lose me and he's gonna get into treatment ASAP and his mind is playing tricks on him,etc. but I don't know if I buy it. I've loved him through all of this, tried to help him and be there for him, but I feel like maybe his love for drugs is stronger than his love for me. I feel guilty walking away after he opened up to me and spent hours just crying on my shoulder and I want to give him a chance to get into treatment and get clean, but I also don't want to be in a relationship where I'm worried he's gonna overdose or something's going to happen every time we're not together so I don't really know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Well he doesn't love drugs more than you. He is addict and he is sick. We are addicts, we lie, cheat and steal to anyone or anything that stands between ourselves and our drug of choice. He has already lied to you. You have to make this decision. Only you know what you can handle.
Remember we will lie, cheat and steal. I'm sorry.
Remember we will lie, cheat and steal. I'm sorry.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi russianprincess, welcome to SR. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through with your boyfriend. If you haven't already, take a look at the Friends and Family section of this site. You'll find lots of folks who are struggling in relationships with addicts. This is the link:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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