ClearMind

So I'm about 16 or so days sober, which coincided with the birth of my son. I vowed to quit drinking because I don't want him to have a drunk father, like I did.

I have tried to quit many times in the past, but I don't feel like I've done it in the proper ways. One time I tried to quit while still using non-alcoholic beer, which was a big mistake and led to a relapse. Another time I tried to use Antabuse, which of course works great but I don't feel it allows me to properly address the reasons I drink and fix them, it just removes the physical ability to drink chemically.

This time, though, I have hinted to some close family and friends that I am giving up drinking. I have always been very concerned with how people view me, I know if I tell people I quit drinking then they would perceive me as being an "alcoholic" and that I am weak. I know many of them probably view me as this anyway, but admitting it to people seems like an impossible task for me, and something I cringe at the thought of.

I have decided to use the excuse that I am training for a marathon (I am, really), so I can't drink. It is kind of a half-ass excuse, because those who know me know full well that if I want to drink, nothing will stop me. I guess it kind of deflects the real reason I want to quit drinking, and leaves things unsaid. I can't control what people think of me, and I just really don't want to talk to other people about my addiction, except to those people on SR.

The close family members I have told, including my fiancé, have been great though. Nobody is pressuring me to drink, or pressuring me to explain why. My fiancé actually told me she was "proud" of me for quitting (I told her I was quitting until after the marathon in May, but I really never plan to drink again). God knows I have put her through enough, I'm sure she will be thrilled if I stick to my abstinence.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think it's as big of a deal to other people as we make it out to be in our heads. Being an addict, I wrongly associate alcohol with being vital, with being central to living. Other people don't view it that way, and if you tell them you're quitting drinking for a while for a purpose, then they won't think twice about it. I firmly believe this is one of the major obstacles which prevented me from staying sober in the past, and now that it's not an issue anymore, I can continue to focus on my sobriety.

Sorry for the ramblings! Have a great day everyone!

hokey

Congrats BP!!! Your new son deserves a sober dad!
I think you're absolutely right, the monster in our heads is a lot bigger to us than to anyone else. You absolutely have the right to tell WHO you what, WHEN you want, and HOW you want ... this is YOUR sobriety. And you seem to have a pretty darn good handle on things ... 16 days ... keep it going

Nonsensical

Very true. An often repeated question from new members here is "what do I tell people about not drinking?" Alcoholics tend to notice everyone else's drinking habits but the normies don't. Like you observed - it's not a big deal.

jaybee1

Congrats on being a new dad, and on your 16 days sober. Good job. I have two little ones myself, and they're a great motivator.

breath

Welcome to SR my freind! You are certainly headed in the right direction. Two things, OK three come to mind. #1-Put yourself first, if you don't you can't be sober for anyone, including your family #2-Yes, you are mentally & socially stigmatized that alcohol is a necassary component, it's not, stop making such a big deal of it, normies don't. #3- Get support, such aswhat you get here on SR, please consider AA; 99% of us absolutely can not do it alone.
I've been sober 2.5yrs, and it took me until 52 to finally admit I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.

Hang in there, it works, One Day At A Time.

duane1

I used to be concerned about this also. However, when you quit and you know you're done with alcohol for good, the issue isn't nearly as big a deal. I am now just someone who chooses not to drink if anyone asks. I could care less what others think.

resolute50

Honestly,if people think quitting alcohol is a sign of weakness,they should try it sometime.

DoubleDragons

The only people who I have received any flack from (and this was even less than I expected) were from people who I suspect have bigger drinking problems than I do!

Indenial618

That's always in mind as well. What will I tell people? I feel like I have to make up some big story as to why I'm not drinking at a party or event, yet my husband who never ever drinks doesn't even think about it and happily sips his soda or water with no explanation to anyone. We think everyone is wondering why but in reality they could probably care less.

whiskeyman

Good job. Being sober is such a treasure for your child.
I have two kids and missed alot of their life.

Give AA a try.
It is the only thing that worked for me and I, like you have tried everything and every excuse until none worked

phoebe64

Yes, normal drinkers do not care whether or not you ro anyone else has a drink. They don't care that much if they have a drink.

Good for you getting sober and training for a marathon!

Toffee1

Congratulations on the new baby. I hope you can be the father you want to be. As regards telling people I think the marathon is a great excuse/reason. Once you get to May time you can just say you enjoy the sober life better. Best of luck