Why am I so terrified of AA??
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I'm wondering if subconsciously I'm terrified because if I go I am admitting to the world I have a problem.
Suekie,
that, above, was where my terror was. if i walked into a room that had, y'know, probably drunks in it, or alcoholics, or uh, like, people who were weak and weird and lacked, uh, something, and who couldn't control themselves then...well then, somehow i'd be making a statement to them and myself that i somehow was one of those myself
it's exactly why i decided i needed to walk in there.
was just going to go once.
i knew that making myself do that was crucial to me.
not the admitting anything to the world or to some weird strange horrible person in that room, but to MYSELF.
i had to go there just once to cement in my understanding of myself .
wasn't going to talk, though.
found a group of people who somehow made me feel welcome; talked a LOT, couldn't wait to go back! fantastic surprise!!
had to wait a week, though, as it was a Lifering meeting and it was only once weekly.
it was my fear that that propelled me to go, really. i didn't think i needed a group of others, but i knew i needed to face my fear of going. this was the only way i knew how.
Suekie,
that, above, was where my terror was. if i walked into a room that had, y'know, probably drunks in it, or alcoholics, or uh, like, people who were weak and weird and lacked, uh, something, and who couldn't control themselves then...well then, somehow i'd be making a statement to them and myself that i somehow was one of those myself
it's exactly why i decided i needed to walk in there.
was just going to go once.
i knew that making myself do that was crucial to me.
not the admitting anything to the world or to some weird strange horrible person in that room, but to MYSELF.
i had to go there just once to cement in my understanding of myself .
wasn't going to talk, though.
found a group of people who somehow made me feel welcome; talked a LOT, couldn't wait to go back! fantastic surprise!!
had to wait a week, though, as it was a Lifering meeting and it was only once weekly.
it was my fear that that propelled me to go, really. i didn't think i needed a group of others, but i knew i needed to face my fear of going. this was the only way i knew how.
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