New to Forum
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5
New to Forum
I am frightened ... I can stop drinking but I can't seem to stay stopped ... sometimes I really want to ... and sometimes I just can't even believe that I really can.
My world has become so small ... I am isolating ... I know it doesn't need to be like this ... but I don't know what to do ...
I live in a small town ... don't enjoy slogan r us meetings ... if you catch my drift ...
I am so weary of the debate ... the on and off of this roller coaster ride ... I see people get sober and get happy ... seems I get sober ... and do really well for about 3-4 weeks and then that dopamine things starts screaming for it's fix and inevitably I give in .
Eager for support ...
My world has become so small ... I am isolating ... I know it doesn't need to be like this ... but I don't know what to do ...
I live in a small town ... don't enjoy slogan r us meetings ... if you catch my drift ...
I am so weary of the debate ... the on and off of this roller coaster ride ... I see people get sober and get happy ... seems I get sober ... and do really well for about 3-4 weeks and then that dopamine things starts screaming for it's fix and inevitably I give in .
Eager for support ...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 149
Hi 4sobriety & welcome! If you're not into the idea of AA, a lot of people on this site have gotten sober just by coming back to SR and posting and reading. I've found this site to be extremely helpful, and that was especially true in the early days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5
I do know that knowing I'm not alone in this problem really helps ... I'm struggling terribly with self-loathing ... and depression ... can't seem to do anything ...
I don't drink at all during the day - but drinking wine at night has been my reward for years for getting through one more day.
I don't drink at all during the day - but drinking wine at night has been my reward for years for getting through one more day.
to SR! I'm glad you joined us. You'll find lots of support here. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Hi 4Sobriety,
I was exactly were you are at one point. Not only that, I am a master of relapsing 3, 6, 9, and even the 1y sobriety marker(I am 31). This is a great forum, you seem to be open and willing to discuss your issues with alcohol. I understand your feeling in regards to slogans r us meetings however the people in these meetings practice principals that help keep us sober. I hated the meetings at first, and I mean hate, but I opened up to these people just like I open up to people on this forum. I enjoy every meeting I go to now. I actually need them.
Even though AA was the reason why I am sober today I am not a big book pusher. I have made it over a year with No AA. My suggestion to you is you need to find something that interests you besides drinking.
Many people need to hit rock bottom before they are committed to sobriety. I myself have not hit rock bottom however my life was a complete mess and unmanageable. Everything that ever made me happy was slowly being taken away from me. Not only that, every time I relapsed it got worse.
That being said, without AA I managed to whiteknuckle sobriety for a year by creating a very full schedule. My daily routine was chaotic, however I was sober. Try that as a suggestion. There is no cure for our problem with alcohol. It is a substance we will have an issue with for the rest of our lives. You can take the mentality of just living with problem, or working through the underlying issues in your life that has caused you to become an alcoholic. What makes you happy?
I was exactly were you are at one point. Not only that, I am a master of relapsing 3, 6, 9, and even the 1y sobriety marker(I am 31). This is a great forum, you seem to be open and willing to discuss your issues with alcohol. I understand your feeling in regards to slogans r us meetings however the people in these meetings practice principals that help keep us sober. I hated the meetings at first, and I mean hate, but I opened up to these people just like I open up to people on this forum. I enjoy every meeting I go to now. I actually need them.
Even though AA was the reason why I am sober today I am not a big book pusher. I have made it over a year with No AA. My suggestion to you is you need to find something that interests you besides drinking.
Many people need to hit rock bottom before they are committed to sobriety. I myself have not hit rock bottom however my life was a complete mess and unmanageable. Everything that ever made me happy was slowly being taken away from me. Not only that, every time I relapsed it got worse.
That being said, without AA I managed to whiteknuckle sobriety for a year by creating a very full schedule. My daily routine was chaotic, however I was sober. Try that as a suggestion. There is no cure for our problem with alcohol. It is a substance we will have an issue with for the rest of our lives. You can take the mentality of just living with problem, or working through the underlying issues in your life that has caused you to become an alcoholic. What makes you happy?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Welcome 4sobriety. I too just got on to this site yesterday and haven't put my phone down. I'm 3 weeks strong and it's minute to minute for me. I try to stay so busy and I find it helps. So far today I've hung Christmas lights, cut grass, cleaned house, played with kids etc etc. you get the point. Trust me friend. You are not alone. This is my fourth attempt. 5 months was the max. Everytime I try I make my families life a miserable hell. I see those with lots of time and how happy they are. I want to be there also as I know you do too. Stay strong and stay busy. I know it is a cliche but try to really get thru today. Worry about tomoro tomoro. Never again is devastating to me. Almost as much as a drink itself. You can do it. Atleast just today. MB8
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 668
4sobriety glad you're here. Sobriety is not easy, but to be honest my hardest days of sobriety are still better than my best days of drinking. I once heard a recovered alcoholic say that sobriety was the best gift he ever gave himself. I feel the same way. Hang in there....we're all here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5
Wow! This feels fantastic ... you really are out there ... supporting me and your own sobriety ... this is so cool.
I browsed a bit and I have to let go of this idea that I am depriving myself of this horrific habit ... when in fact ... I know that this habit is numbing ... and dummying down my life ... has for a looong time ...
I need to focus on the benefits - not the deprivation ... my home is a mess ... it really looks like a very depressed alcoholic woman lives here ... it's awful ... I am going to set the timer for 15 minutes ... tidy ... and then come back here for 15 ...
Thanks everyone for responding ... it has really helped shift my mood for desperate to hopeful ...
I browsed a bit and I have to let go of this idea that I am depriving myself of this horrific habit ... when in fact ... I know that this habit is numbing ... and dummying down my life ... has for a looong time ...
I need to focus on the benefits - not the deprivation ... my home is a mess ... it really looks like a very depressed alcoholic woman lives here ... it's awful ... I am going to set the timer for 15 minutes ... tidy ... and then come back here for 15 ...
Thanks everyone for responding ... it has really helped shift my mood for desperate to hopeful ...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
I am 15 days sober today and I have only gone to one AA meeting. It really wasn't too slogan filled here, but it might have to do with living in a liberal New England town. The first speaker even said at the beginning of his talk that "I am not a God man."
So far, SR is the best thing I have found. Whenever I get a craving, I try going here first and reading for a bit. I have been tempted but haven't had a single drink since finding this site.
What about individual therapy? It's out of a lot of people's price ranges (mine included) but I am sure it would be very helpful.
Welcome. Try to keep imagining a future in which alcohol will never been a problem again because it just isn't there. That has kept me going also.
So far, SR is the best thing I have found. Whenever I get a craving, I try going here first and reading for a bit. I have been tempted but haven't had a single drink since finding this site.
What about individual therapy? It's out of a lot of people's price ranges (mine included) but I am sure it would be very helpful.
Welcome. Try to keep imagining a future in which alcohol will never been a problem again because it just isn't there. That has kept me going also.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5
I love that ... try to imagine a future in which alcohol will never be a problem ... umm!
Wow ... I'll really have to reflect on that one ... had my first drink at 18 ... I'm now in my early 60's ... over 4 decades of pretty much daily drinking of wine ...
Who will I be without alcohol? Imagine a future in which alcohol is not an issue!
I would so love that ... not debating ... should I ... shouldn't I ... am I an alcoholic ... maybe I'm not ... yada yada ... on and on ...
Wow ... I'll really have to reflect on that one ... had my first drink at 18 ... I'm now in my early 60's ... over 4 decades of pretty much daily drinking of wine ...
Who will I be without alcohol? Imagine a future in which alcohol is not an issue!
I would so love that ... not debating ... should I ... shouldn't I ... am I an alcoholic ... maybe I'm not ... yada yada ... on and on ...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Welcome 4sobriety.....I suggest finding something different to do when you are creeping towards your relapse cycle. Counseling, support group, volunteering, checking in here daily.... I adopted the mantra of "I will not drink....no matter what."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 400
4Sober, don't know you but know your story. You are already on the recovery program. Admitting to a problem, asking for help, plan your strategy, and then live it.
Good for you. You are in amazing good company. Some veterans, some rookies, but we are all rooting for the same thing. A happy, fruitful sober life. Takes hard work. Getting drunk is easy as we all know. Life in general is very difficult but full of rewards. Being drunk while trying to navigate the 82.8 years we have here is a mugs game. I have been binge drinking for 45 years. I am now day 18 dry and sober. Sitting here in the family room watching my 11 month old grandson playing with the controls on the stereo. The 3 year old is having his nap upstairs. Ya think my daughter would have asked me to watch the kids today if this was 4 weeks ago. I would have had 8 beer in my by now. Its 2:40 PM friday.
Those boys are my accountability. Will not drink today thats for freakin sure.
I am at the point where I don't want to have a drink(today) Not sure what the next 9000 days will bring, but today I am good.
You will be too. Just give it time and stick to the plan
Peace
Rick
Good for you. You are in amazing good company. Some veterans, some rookies, but we are all rooting for the same thing. A happy, fruitful sober life. Takes hard work. Getting drunk is easy as we all know. Life in general is very difficult but full of rewards. Being drunk while trying to navigate the 82.8 years we have here is a mugs game. I have been binge drinking for 45 years. I am now day 18 dry and sober. Sitting here in the family room watching my 11 month old grandson playing with the controls on the stereo. The 3 year old is having his nap upstairs. Ya think my daughter would have asked me to watch the kids today if this was 4 weeks ago. I would have had 8 beer in my by now. Its 2:40 PM friday.
Those boys are my accountability. Will not drink today thats for freakin sure.
I am at the point where I don't want to have a drink(today) Not sure what the next 9000 days will bring, but today I am good.
You will be too. Just give it time and stick to the plan
Peace
Rick
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
