PurpleKnight

It was announced today, our xmas work night out will be the 14th Dec, I always look forward to it, even though I'm not a big xmas fan, it sorta always gets me in the mood for spending xmas with my family.

The only difference this year will be I'M NOT DRINKING!!

First off, this is one night of the year I have to attend, reasons include office politics etc etc, it can't be missed, the regular schedule is we arrive and rounds of drinks are bought until the end of the night.

My plan (so far) is to not detour from the rounds, this would be an obvious talking point that I don't want to stir all night, instead when asked what I would like to drink I will respond with a non alcoholic drink, and even better when it is my turn to buy the round I will be in complete control of what drink I choose.

Many will say, why not be upfront about my sobriety, but my work colleagues will never understand, I live in Ireland, a night out always revolves around Alcohol.

Any tips would be much appreciated, it's going to be a tough weekend!!

Dee74

always have a soft drink of your choice in your hand, be ready for the inevitable 'why aren't you' questions, and have an escape plan - office politics or not, if you need to get out of there, git

D

KateL

If people insist I have a drink, I've got a throat infection and on antibiotics is a good one. Yep, hard to avoid the drink in Ireland. And as for the rounds. I am so mean, I go on my own. I don;t see why I should pay for everyone's drinks, when I'm a cheap round

Aiko

Dear purpleknight,

I get you totally!!!!
My work mates are use to see me drinking they have not got round it yet!

If you feel really threatened get ill that day...
Good ones like KateL say Antibiotics...
Migraines are my favourite and is a good excuse to get out!!!
I spent last Christmas with migraines and pouring down the drain drinks...
I got to drive thanks!
I got stomach upset!!!
you name it...

Just have to overcome it when you go out...
It is hard but can go out and have a NA beer. and they think you are drinking too.
You will get use to it PROMISE!!!!

the first time is difficult... but you can not run forever!
Haver to learn to live with it!!!
You can do it!!!

closetored

Purple Night:

I'm in Ireland too and the Xmas night out can be tricky and I'm dreading it really! Ours will be on Dec 13th in a bar with good finger food, good music and of course lots and lots of drinking. I understand when you say you must turn up for political reasons' , that's why I will be showing my face there !

I have a plan though. I will arrive a little late, try not to get into the round thing. stay for a while (until its not fun any more) and then just slip away and drive home. If anyone asks me why I' m not drinking , I'll just say ' Don't feel like to night thanks'. If someone gets persistent like 'Ah go on go on go on sure one wont kill you' (like in Fr Ted!). I will move to another part of room and find some else to talk to. If I cant, I will just get my ass out of there and go something nice and alcohol free for the rest of the evening
I think its so important to have an escape plan and not have to wait for some one to give you a lift or something. Hope you have a good evening .

Anna

Personally, I don't think you need to ever talk to your co-workers about your sobriety. No one I work with knows anything about my addiction and they never will. There are just too many pitfalls in the workplace for that to be a good idea.

And, try to remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking alcohol or not.

Marcher13

Purpleknight you say that you must go because of office politics -- here are a couple of questions to think about -- I'm not suggesting they have to be answered here.

What specific aspect of office politics means that you have to go to this night? If you didn't go would anyone say anything other than "Where were you Purpleknight?" What is the political gain of going?

This worries me because you say that when it's your turn you will be in complete control of what you drink but what about when others buy? Can you fully rely on getting your non-alcoholic order when others buy?

Could you blow in, buy the first round then be on your way out on a mysterious outing?

Cathryn2001

Love Marcher's idea--good compromise.

malcolmsloan

I just think it's great that you are getting a plan in place before hand, purpleknight. Good for you.

Tang

There are certain jobs that require going out with either coworkers/bosses or in my case customers. I have tried dozens of tricks to avoid people asking why I'm not drinking. Despite what people say, you can only avoid these situations for so long. My advise is develop a good story that works for you and stick with it. I have found "I don't drink" or some other terse abstention line to fail miserably. The result is judgement or interpreted weakness by the drinkers. In some cases this can have very real impact on your career despite what people tell you. People talk and I have personally heard VP's and managers say "what's wrong with Bob, he doesn't drink." This can then lead to low stack ranking. This is why a well rehearsed excuse story goes a very long way. Whether it is diet, training for something or medical condition, having a reason is important to other people, even if it isn't for you. Most normies just don't understand alcoholism. They think we are weak. The perception is we are weak human beings. Lesser. This doesn't go well when you are being judged by superiors in business. Personally the other tricks have never worked for me.

SnoozyQ

Thanks so much for this post .

I have been asked all day at work by numerous people if I'm attending the Xmas work function.

Saying i have to work early the following morning has no impact .

Offers of " pick you up in a taxi " gently declined.


By the end of the day i was frazzled . I just said ok .

I've decided to just go along with it and say Yes I'm going , than be interrogated every day til dec 6 th .

Amazingly it stopped ... Just saying no and I don't want to drink didn't work .


Unfortunately , i wont be going on Dec6th as I will be "sick " at the last minute ...perfect !

Works for me

PurpleKnight

Cheers for all the ideas!

Tang has hit the nail on the head, in my job the xmas night out is when all the senior managers mingle with everyone, and our yearly appraisals are done in January for the previous years work, not attending is like saying you don't care about being social with the senior managers, and that could affect your appraisal and as Tang mentioned, your career prospects in the company.

Very sad state of affairs, but that's how "company politics" sometimes works!

I think having an escape plan is a good idea, leaving early will be no problem as at least I've made an appearance!!

SnoozyQ

Isn't company politics a pain in the butt purpleknight when we all simply should have the right to say no thanks .

The escape plan sounds good ;-)

Good luck xx

Mags1

What a culture we live in, would there be as much fuss if we said we don't want, say, to have any cranberry sauce with our turkey, or even worse, I don't want any sprouts, I'm driving. Lol.
Sorry, it is a serious problem but I can't help see the funny side.

Mags1

Years ago I was told when you go to a works do, behave as if you are still at work and reading Tangs words reiterates that for me.
However you behave it will be noted and reported back perhaps with video or on Facebook, at our works do there's those that can take their drink and those that can't, and the ones that can't are usually exploited by those that can.
Happy Holidays.

SnoozyQ

Hit the nail on the head Mags ...totally agree with you xx

ScottFromWI

Just throwing this out there, but can you honestly say anyone has ever been held back by the company for not showing up at a party?

I don't know what field you work in, but in most places I have worked my performance on the job was the key in getting a good annual review.