Tabbj

Can any one help me respond to a question that I have :?: Husband wants a normal life with a person in recovery ... How normal can we be !!! I always feel I am out of whack.

Anna

Well, I think I'm normal.

What exactly does your husband mean by normal?

Tabbj

just it I do not know what he means by normal either !! I am an alcoholic I know that .. greatest fear is being inadequate ... I am more fear of the darkness then our day at least I can see in the day light lol ...

Mikie9

How long have you been sober? I am still learning a bit about this myself. I mean, it used to be normal for me to drink a 12 pack a night. If you are still getting used to being sober maybe he is wondering when quitting will not be so strong in your mind and habits right now. I would like to know that as well :p

Tabbj

I relapse after 5yrs in 2011 was in hospital over the holidays I was drinking about a 5th myself a day been sober ever since trying to go strong ever since. Holidays are bad for me I just hate them any more but put on a smile and keep going. my opinion is he feels helpless and can not fix me ...

Anna

Do you mean he's not happy with your recovery? It sounds like you're doing well.

KristyCat

Damn he should be really proud of you, congrats on being sober since 2011!!

Does he expect you to be a "normal drinker" or something? Or just to not be stressed or anxious around the holidays? Because I think those are unreasonable expectations. Obviously you can't ever be a normal drinker if you're an alcoholic, but also it's pretty "normal" to have stress around the holidays, not just for people with addictions, but all people, lol.

He is right though if he thinks he can't fix you, I would encourage him to not have that attitude--you're problems are you're own, and only you can "fix" your issues to the best of your abilities. I think it's hard sometimes for significant others, they want to try and help and fix all your problems, but the reality is they can't, and it's best that they accept this.

Tabbj

He will never be able to fix me .. I have to do it on my own .. yes stress of Holidays is a lot on everyone ..
I am not to be stressed or depressed or anything but so be it .. I get through today with out picking up or thinking of it I will be happy person for it ..

BadCompany

Define normal.

Tabbj

He is happy for my recovery .. just dose not know how to handle it .. he dose not understand how something can grab ahold of a person and keep a hold ...

Tabbj

Thank you everyone for your in put I will be back later a little family time for me and paper work to do

Leana

We have a magnet on our fridge that says "I wish my family would stop pretending we're normal." It's the joke in our sober household.

What exactly is normal?

joyousone

I feel like a person who is not "alcoholic" will never fully understand because they have never been in our shoes and felt all the things we feel. You're completely right in that he will never be able to fix you. Only you can do that. Too bad they don't get it. I fully understand.

Kaneda8888

I am also not sure what is 'normal' ? If you mean, to have a life that is free of addiction, then we can be very 'normal' indeed ! We need to work at it very day but then, take a step back, and reflect on the fact that we need to work at all aspects of our lives to be 'normal', alcoholic or otherwise.

Lifeisforliving

I've decided that trying to define & "be" normal produces as much crazy-making as drinking does. I'm just me.