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Hi. This is it. Something clicked.

Old 11-23-2013, 12:14 AM
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Hi. This is it. Something clicked.

Hello.

I'm glad to be here. This was definitely a long time coming. I've been an alcoholic for 2 decades now. I'm 36/f, married with 2 kids, work f/t. Live a pretty normal life on the outside, but it's not. In addition to alcohol, I"m also kicking Opiates and Benzos (Benzo withdrawal has been a killer). I was in denial for a long time. I knew that the substances I was putting in my body everyday weren't doing anything good for me. But I didn't think I was that BAD apparently. Until I really took a good hard look at my life whilst withdrawing hardcore from xanax. And something CLICKED. I was a full blooded addict. I was going to ruin my life if I didn't stop this soon. And here I am. I'm on day 12 off norco, day 10 off xanax and day 4 off alcohol. It's been a freaking nightmare. But today I felt somewhat "normal". The only time I was truly sober within the past 20 years was during my 2 pregnancies and countless, probably hundreds, of times where I've tried to "only drink on the weekends"... "won't drink for a week"... "won't drink but I'll take pills".. "won't take pills but I'll drink"... never in my life didn't I commit to full fledged sobriety. But I know that is my only option. I can't even understand how I let this control me so long and why all of a sudden... it clicked.

Insomnia is a killer right now.

Suekie.
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Old 11-23-2013, 12:29 AM
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Welcome! You will find much support here.

I went through benzo withdrawal two years ago and it was horrendous. I've never touched them since.
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Old 11-23-2013, 12:31 AM
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Welcome to SR Suekie

wow- well done...thats a lot to come off at once - but you'll find support here

D
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Old 11-23-2013, 12:33 AM
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Welcome SueKie! Thanks for giving me encouragement!
We sound a lot alike!
This yuck feeling can't last forever, right!!?? There was a time in our life when we didn't drink or take benzos! I can't remember how long it's been where I wasn't thinking about drinking. I know if I drank now, I would be bummed. Sadly a week is a long time for me. A few months ago I went a month without drinking, but with the thought in my head that I would only have a few on special occasions. I tried that and failed miserably!
I've been using natural stuff at night like night time tea, and that has helped me a bit, but I really think I'm just mentally and physically exhausted with this new lifestyle right now, that it's easy for me to sleep? It's been hard being cranky, irritated, and not sure where I stand mentally!
Today was a good day for me though. It will get easier from what I hear, so at least we have that and good health to look forward to, among handfuls of other positive things!!
Keep up your good work!
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Old 11-23-2013, 01:48 AM
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Good to have you here! SR has helped me a lot and I bet it will help you, too.
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Old 11-23-2013, 02:08 AM
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Hi SueKie,
Well done you :-)
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Old 11-23-2013, 05:14 AM
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Welcome. As was said that's a lot. It's strongly suggested to get medical attention ASAP as it's such a shock on the body to withdraw from.

HANG ON AND BE WELL
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Old 11-23-2013, 05:52 AM
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Good for you for committing to live a sober life.
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Old 11-24-2013, 12:58 PM
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Thank you everyone.

As for medical attention, I'm good. The opiates and benzos were not DAILY and they weren't ginormous doses. I'm through the thick of the storm (which was day 5-7 of benzo withdrawal).

This weekend has been the toughest so far. Typically, my main goal, especially on weekends is to work alcohol in the activities. Without that, I get "bored". (At least that is what my brain thinks). I made it through though. Even went to lunch and sat directly across from a bar (ordered 3 lemonades).

Today I'm feeling better than yesterday.

I love this community.
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Old 11-24-2013, 01:08 PM
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You've come to a very supportive place. I'm glad you joined us.
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Old 11-26-2013, 05:42 AM
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Congratulations!! Take Care of yourself Suekie, don't press youself into activities you used to do with alcohol, "just to see if you can do it" there's no rush, no one to impress... it is A PROCESS... and for me, protecting my sobriety early on was PARAMOUNT. I am 6.5 months in, and I am still iffy about going places and seeing people... I have to protect what is most important in my life.. my sobriety.

Good luck, and get to know God.. quick!
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Old 11-26-2013, 06:54 AM
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Minus the pills my story is exactly your story. No judgement as pills could've easily been thrown in the mix as well as I did have a passing flirtation w/xanex.

I'm with you as I feel something has clicked for me too. Thankfully part of it for me is that I realized my kids are getting to the age where they're starting to notice when mom is slurring, passing out before they go to bed and all-around acting weird when she has "just one more." Up to this point I used to tell myself I'd get cleaned up before they would be able to have memories of a drunken mom...that I wouldn't raise co-dependents who would some day be on therapy like I was b/c of my alcoholic father. My rock-bottom was using my daughter as an excuse to miss work. Actually told my boss she was sick when it was me who had a hangover. Not a DUI, jail time, job loss, etc., but just as bad for me. Whatever it takes/took I keep telling myself. I could've easily had the other things happen too. There but for the grace of God and all...

I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad you're here. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 11-26-2013, 07:34 AM
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Hi suekie, I totally relate to your insomnia comment. Tomorrow will be one week for me, and I'm struggling with sleep. I just keep repeating the advice I got from someone on this site: lack of sleep won't kill you, but alchohol and drugs will. That has been getting me throught the long nights. I hope you get some rest!
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Old 11-26-2013, 08:28 AM
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Welcome! SR is a huge piece in my sobriety puzzle. You'll find a lot of support here!
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Old 11-26-2013, 08:34 AM
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It's funny how something just clicks after many years. Good job though
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