Mikie9

last night was my first night in a long time not drinking myself to sleep.

This night has been hard because of the general habit of what I do in the evenings, and I am not doing it. Way to many thoughts to process at one time to make any sense out of things. My mind is just running around in circles. giggling->crying->thinking->giggling->crying.

I am tired. I am sad. I am not sure what to do with myself nor am I confident I know how to live this way.

And then. A spark. I am not drunk???? People I have known and thought about for years are new. Food is new. TV is new. EVERYTHING IS NEW!!!!!

Water!!!!!

It's really weird and I don't feel stable. I won't drink tonight, but tomorrow scares me.

heh. sorry to babble, just not sure what to do with myself right now. It's been a long time since I haven't focused on catching a buzz and just lived my night.

Dee74

Babbling is both good and normal
Keep it going Mikie

D

soberclover

Ah, yes...I remember the monkey mind well Still happens on occasion but the reality is that you will develop over time a new pattern for your night time routine. I check out SR, then I read, then I finally drift off to sleep. It takes awhile for the new patterns to take ahold...but they will. Glad you are here!

Mikie9

I sure hope so. I am thinking about getting a book to read tomorrow on my way home from work. When I suffered panic attacks yrs ago, reading was the only thing that kept me distracted from it. I for sure need a distraction right now.

Anna

Mike, I remember feeling that way too, but it will get better.

And (book-lover extraordinaire here) reading is an awesome way to calm your mind.

Hevyn

Hi Mikie. Two sober nights - that's wonderful progress. It's understandable that you're all over the place emotionally - most of us were. Things will settle down. You're on your way to a new life.

Mikie9

you made me cry...

TexasMichael

I was going to suggest developing a new pattern for your night time routine, but soberclover beat me to it.

Insomnia was a big thing for me during the first few weeks. I did not want to take any other drugs, OTC or prescribed.

Found some good caffeine-free herbal tea that is very relaxing. I developed a new habit of drinking hot tea in the evening, and reading SR to check in on all my sober friends.

I've made it almost 8 months and have not spilled any tea on my keyboard. Some how beer managed to get spilled on it at least once a week. It's amazing some of the small things you are thankful for when you stay sober for a while.

Congratulations on 2 sober nights, Mikie! I hope it is the first 2 of many more.

Croissant

Hey you! 2nd night is a big step.

A active mind, keeping thoughts at bay....those first days you are laying down some hard work, mate. We totally get it.

Maybe now is the time to think about how you keep yourself busy tomorrow night when you get home? What's for dinner, what will you look forward to watching on tv sober? Will you have a shower before or after dinner?

Sometimes, just knowing I had meals ready for me, to fill my tummy killed the physical desire to drink. I also had a glass of lemon water before bed to help detox my body. Rituals helped. Just my plan.....doesn't mean it will work for you, but sharing if something helps.

Stick with it! You are doing great.

Mikie9

Tomorrow night I plan on going by my local used book store, picking up any book( i have books, I just want the social aspect of it) and then going out to eat a big steak and potato, and either then coming home and passing out from food overload, or drinking water while reading. Either way I am not drinking... having a boring night(s) is no where near as bad as pretending to live.

I really wish this addiction was something I could physically confront, and fight to the death. But no.... it's all mental. And that just sucks when you are on the losing side

Croissant

Yes...I think unfortunately drinking gets us attached to the "quick fix" and getting and staying sober takes attention and perseverance in the beginning. Each day though, as you see benefits....you see it is a fight worth battling. The big picture becomes easier to see over time.

And no, you aren't losing. The constant mind battles in the beginning are tough....you are flexing your "I'm not going to drink, damn you!", muscles. They do get stronger.

Mikie9

Thank you everyone. I am gaining strength from your posts. I am going to bed now, to twitch and have my mind wander. But the thing that will make me get thru it is that I know I am not alone tonight in my struggles even tho physically I am.

Sorry to be so mushy, emotions are all over the place.