Mikie9

Hi all. Thanks for having what seem to be a wonderful forum. I have been on here reading for the last couple of nights, trying to convince myself to stop drinking(again).

I am a closet beer drinker, meaning I don't go out and get drunk. I stay at home alone and get drunk. Sometimes smoke weed too, but that has lost its appeal as I get older. I have gotten to where I drink 8-12 beers a night, almost always without eating before hand.

I have quit before, the longest being 4 days. Reading my journal last night from those 4 days, and I was feeling pretty good back then. I am sure I was feeling good on that fifth day and decided I could drink now that I have broken the habit.

I am alone in this as far as real life help, so I hope a place like this can help me stay on track. I am very tired of feeling bad, spending my evenings alone, and not being able to handle my emotions. Right now I am fine, because I never drink during the day, but come about 5 o clock my mind is going to start telling me it's time to start drinking.

Any tips? Anything I can get food wise that will help me over the next few nights to help me get to sleep? I am already planning on going to the gym and walking on the treadmill, and eating a decently heavy meal but needless to say I am a bit anxious right now about what to expect. The last time I quit it was on a four day weekend, and I just sat thru it bored to death. I think i need to be active to make myself start feeling better, and to start liking myself again. Right now I feel like a useless human being who has nothing to show for my 41 years other than the ability to drink beer and waste time.

I will probably be glued here tonight, please be patient with me. I have never tried sharing an attempt to stop drinking before.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR it's a great site for support. The recommndation is usually to consult your doctor before hand to be safe. Post as much aa you need, great people here with lot's of experience to share.

hayley86

Welcome Mikie9, i found that keeping myself really busy helped me initially. Exercise, healthy eating, speaking with other alcoholics who understood what i was going through and having my doctors support all really helped. If you normally drink around 5pm having an alternative healthy activity in place is a good idea. There is tons of support here.

least

I too kept myself busy at first until being sober felt more normal to me. The early weeks can be rough so prepare yourself for some ups and downs so as not to fall back into the bottle. Eat good food and exercise and try to get decent rest. It does get better!

Dee74

Welcome Mikie

best tip I can give you is to read around and post as much as you like.

Insomnia can be common in the early days but it's not a permanent deal - see your DR tho if you're concerned

D

Mikie9

Thanks for the welcome folks! I have been reading off and on all afternoon. I just finished eating some pizza and am about to head to the gym for a walk on the treadmill.

My mind already tried to trick me. It told me that tonight would be a good night to drink. I have actually eaten, and have some food left over for before bed so....

So I came and posted. I think not brain. I ate yesterday before I started drinking and when I checked this morning I drank 11 beers AND wasted an entire evening just sitting at home getting drunk last night.

Not tonight.

the trouble falling a sleep thing doesn't concern me, just annoys me and I didn't know if there were tricks to help with it. I have gone a couple of nights not drinking many times before and I get the "almost falling a sleep and BAM like electricity" I am awake again. It goes away in a couple of days for me, I just hate it and it is one of the things my brain tries to tell is a reason to drink. I am going to try and eat a bit right before bed, that may help.

My sister wanted to give me some melatonin, but ironicly I don't like taking drugs... lulz

EndGameNYC

In general, the closer to bedtime you work out, the more difficult it will be to sleep.

Melatonin is a hormone that regulates sleep and is naturally produced by our bodies.

erics

Hello. 41 here too, and half of those drinking. My motivation came when I was pushing 40 and still doing what I did at 21. Felt like a waste of life. Melatonin helped me sleep. Additionally, you can look into a magnesium/ calcium supplant taken at bedtime. As for recovery, it is not enough just to put down the drink. You have to fill the time you spent getting, using, and recovering from alcohol. There are a lot of ways to do this. Build this in because as you know, your AV will start getting louder the longer you abstain, and you need tools to use to quiet that.

Mikie9

I am in tears.... maybe tomorrow I can figure out how to fill the time. But for right now all I want to do is pass out and wake up to a new horrible day tomorrow.

Work sucks. Job is ok, but have an ex GF that works there who is seeing someone else at work and it hurts.

No friends really. I gave up on my fellow alcoholics a longtime ago because they annoy me by showing me how I live.

Family is sparse. I don't drink around them, but I am sure they know what I do with my time.

I have never felt so alone in my life...

Like2Hike

Exercise helped me a lot, Mikie. It gave me something to feel good about and to look forward to at the end of a work day. The first days are tough but stick with it because the payoffs from breaking the chains of alcohol are incredible.

Mikie9

Thanks man... Tonight I realize why it is so hard for me to quit drinking. It isn't just the habit I am trying to break, it's dealing with why it is a habit to begin with. What sucks is if there was an easy answer, I wouldn't be here. Everything else is just situations I have to deal with because of the drinking and hiding.

I think I need a therapist....

Croissant

Mikie, I am so sorry to read how you are feeling and can see the pain in your words.

All I can say is as painful as it is, cling on to staying sober, get the alcohol out of your system and slowly, but surely you WILL be able to rebuild your life.

Early days, my focus was singular, filling in time to simply stay sober. There are many here who have felt as helpless as you, me included.

Hell, I still cry about stuff.....because I'm actually starting to FEEL things for the first time, good and bad about how I've lived my life the past 10 years.

You have support here and things can get better. Be well.

Mikie9

hopeless is how I feel, and I can't determine now if it's because the situations are truly hopeless, or if the alcohol and time spent alone doing it are to blame. I know the answer but that again hurts...

I didn't drink tonight. I wanted to so bad just to feel normal. Right now I am so lost and emotional. Waking up tomorrow scares me. Not because as usual i would be hung over, but because reality is here.

Thanks forum folks. I hope to post tomorrow after work sober again. But this is worse than quitting cigarettes, and i still can't believe that is possible. But emotionally it is so much worse...

Received

Glad you found us Mikie and I am sorry you're so sad.

I was also someone who drank beer (a lot every day) and drank alone (my dirty little secret) One night, I googled and found this place so I joined and made my first post. I was midway through posting that night when I put down the beer for good. I was done. It was soooo over.

There are many different paths to not drinking. Look around, ask questions and know you have a choice and are certainly not alone...at least not here.

I chose permanent abstinence.

Best to you.