lorelei

Ach sounds like you're overwhelmed maybe when schools out you can take an objective step back and think about things without the added pressure x hugs x

littlefish

I can't emphasize enough the extreme importance of having someone to talk to. I found that my addiction therapist was a life saver. Did I stop drinking right away? No, but she was there in the really rough, early time when I hadn't started with AA.
By the time I walked into her office, I literally had no one in my life that I could talk to about my problems.
Is there some kind of health center at your school? Do you have any student benefits for mental health care or counseling? If there is nothing like that try to make it to at least one meeting and get some phone numbers.

soberclover

Are there resources you can access at the school you are at? Student health and wellness services they often call it. Here in Vermont if a person goes to the local hospital in to the Emergency Room a person from First Call our crisis services team in our county respond to do an evaluation to determine if the person needs immediate psychiatric attention or if they need to be connected with support services.

Your dad isn't going to understand...he isn't one of us. YOU are what is most important. I do know that it is not uncommon for college/graduate students to need to step away from school for a variety of reasons. You will not be the first or last person to do this. Maybe there is some type of crisis hotline that you could call. I hope you take care of yourself. We are thinking of you!

whiskeyman

if you want to find the time you will.
i remember thinking there is no help out there fo me, i have no time, no one cares, how am i gonna go on, i am all alone, but i have to do this one more thing, i cant get help because of this....

I hit bottom, you will, just takes time.

soberhawk

Do not give up Acheleus and you will win.

I hope it gets easier for you soon.

tangningsheng

I thought you were at home? Anyway you have to talk with someone about this as it is much more than an alcohol problem, you have other issues that need work as well. Good luck I am rooting for you. You Can DO this

Anna

Acheleus, try to keep things in perspective.

If you don't take care of your alcoholism, school isn't going to matter. Look after yourself.

bemyself

Ach, you may not remember me from months ago...but I feel compelled to post my empathy and support. As several other posters have said, quite a few of us have gone through the very stressful life of graduate thesis, teaching, marking, all the rest of it. I do so understand from my own experiences just how difficult all that is. It's compounded of course by the stresses of ordinary life - where we're living, alone or not, finances, etc etc.

I just want to reaffirm what others have warmly suggested to you: your situation is something extremely common for those of us addicted to alcohol and drugs. It's called 'dual diagnosis', i.e. many many of us have chronic mental health illnesses as well as the addiction. I truly feel for you, as I too suffer from longterm depression, episodes through life of feeling like you're having a breakdown, anxiety and feeling utterly overwhelmed, and so on.

As a grizzled and frayed old veteran, if you like, of both the grad school / teaching life, plus feeling very alone, plus trying and trying to stay off the booze - I really support the overall theme of most responses to you in this thread. That is, from my reading: you do need some immediate and in -depth help for your mental health.

Without that, your great gifts and abilities - obvious to all of us here at SR - will be lost. It truly is OK, really OK, to seek that help - and to temporarily put your thesis and teaching work on hold. If you keep on trying to cope with all of it, you will fall apart as I know you fear.

Get well, or better, first.

Many warm wishes to you from Australia, Ach. xx

Acheleus

Thank you all. I just returned from an AA meeting and I have a temporary sponsor so I have someone to call. I also got a chip and talked to a lot of people. It made me feel good to know I am not alone. I have medication I am taking for depression and anxiety. I told the guy, my temporary sponsor, that I have to get off my ass and do some action to get better. Thank you everyone for the support. Same meeting tomorrow night.

bemyself

Really relieved and pleased to hear that, Ach.
xx

Hawkeye13

me too Ach. You can beat this. I send you good wishes.

anyistoomuch

Ache - so glad you took some time for yourself. I was worried about you. Smiles.

bemyself

Ach, I want to add: you are a major example to me on SR. Why? Because you pretty regularly check in to say how things truly are for you - the good, the bad and the ugly:-)

This is an example to this grumpy old bat (probably old enough - yes, I AM old enough - to be your mother). I relapse time and time again, mostly this year compared with last year where I was sober for 95% of the year. Relapsing and its lead up, not to mention its visceral experience, and then the aftermath - getting sober again, trying to stay sober and trying to live life sort-of-sanely....it truly is such a pig of a life.

I, too often, keep away from real or virtual supports, for multiple mad reasons of my own. And then wonder why I 'suddenly' just pick up a drink again.....relapse awaits, the whole kit n caboodle, for 4, 5, 6 weeks. I'm in one right now, at about the 4 week mark. It's hideous. I'm not far off 60 y.o. and I can tell you, the more years we drag our poor bodies and minds and souls through such needless suffering, the more despairing we can feel.

Of course it sounds asinine to say 'you're still young, save yourself while you still can'. But it really is true, as many of the older posters here will attest. And people at meetings.

So please puff yourself up for a change :-) and realise, deep down, that YOU, Ach, actually helps other people around the world through SR. Puff yourself up, and pat yourself on the back, sir :-)

xxx
Vic

JaylaaKent

Have you tried setting yourself a "schedule"? Get up go to a early day meeting, classes, or maybe afternoon meeting, then study/write papers? I find when I GET OUT OF MY HOUSE/HEAD I am more productive. You're stuck in that whirlpool of hopelessness that happens when you first stop drinking - know it's just the disease talking it wants you to feel overwhelmed and a failure - so you go out and drink. I always used to think I needed a hospital, dr, drink when I was drinking. A non-alcoholic gets a flat tire they dial AAA - an alcoholic in active alcoholism dials 911. You're not far enough out yet and your psyche is seriously pissed you're not drinking. You can overcome it - just commit to it. Your way wasn't working - why not try a new way? Try ONE meeting - just ONE see if it helps.

Kaneda8888

Ach

It's great that you have a sponsor. Pls do call him any time you feel down and not just for drinking. It will feel awkward at first but just push yourself to call ! You will get much more benefit than a drink !

NoJimmy

Good job, you've made the right choice to make this your highest priority.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Acheleus. It gets better.

aasharon90

I know I don't the right to take anothers
inventory and so I won't speak of your
father. All that I know and have learned
since August 1990 when family did an
intervention on me and was picked up
by authorities and taken to rehab because
of my state of mind, is I couldn't have
stayed sober on my own.

I tried so many times starting and stopping
that I learned that my will never worked. I
was completely powerless over my addiction
to alcohol. Powerless.

My family then and im pretty sure today
still don't think I have an addiction problem.
I learned that it takes an alcoholic to
know an alcoholic. If they are not one
or either in denial then they don't know
me.

I had to distance myself from loved ones
because of the lack of understanding
about addiction and it affects on my
body, mind and soul.

Rehab for me worked because I took
the knowledge I was taught about my
addiction after 28 days and began to
apply the steps and principles to my
everyday life. I did what ever I needed
to do to the best of my ability to stay
sober one day at a time. I listened, learned,
and applied all that I heard each day slowly
becoming healthy, happy and honest in
my life.

I can't blame family and folks for not
understanding me because they didn't
and don't have the knowledge of addiction
and its affects on people. They needed to
be educated on it.

It takes time to clear the poison out
of our systems in order for the knowledge
of addiction to sink in. Once the fog clears
and we begin to heal then we can clearly
see the path of recovery down the road.

It seems like your not to far down the
road to completing your grad school. All
I can say is....

WHAT AN AWESOME ACCOMPLISHMENT...!!!!

That in itself can NEVER be taken away
from you. However, if your school can
be placed on hold just for now, you can
seek help for your addiction like I have.

The end of school is right there in ur reach
so you can focus on urself for today to getting
a head start in getting sober and begin a
new journey in recovery and life.

23 yrs ago I began my journey and began
building a strong foundation in recovery
to live my life upon. All the knowledge, all
the steps built one day at a time has given
me security to know that my foundation
is strong to live upon, yet as long as I
keep up my sobriety maintenance and
fix problems that arise emmediately then
it can remain strong to live upon another
day.

Whatever it takes if you want it bad
enough. Keep an openmind, willingness
and honesty to begin your new life for
many yrs. to come one day at a time.