Progress rather than perfection
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Progress rather than perfection
Ahh I feel pretty content right now 
I've been thinking today about my recovery, and though I don't have the "perfect program" (if there is even such a thing) I seem to be making some progress.
Like yesterday, regardless of my fear of socializing with people my age(part of my aspergers) , I forced myself to go to a young persons NA meeting with my sponsor and I absolutely LOVED it. I ignored my social awkwardness and immediately made it my homegroup.. yaay I finally have a homegroup that I like, AND it's close to my house.
And I've been getting better and better at picking up the phone when I'm feeling screwed up. I've been calling my sponsor every single day, even when I don't want to. And I'm reaching out to other people too, which I've NEVER done before, such as my sponsee brothers, my grand-sponsor, and other people in the program. I find it's getting easier and easier the more I do it and although it's still not completely comfortable, it really does help. For example; today I started getting into a funk, kind of felt like using, and without thinking and I peaked into my moms purse and found more than $80 and my disease/AV immediately started talking: "Awe man 80 bucks!? Take the money and ride the bus downtown, go to the west side and cop some dope, it'll be fun!".. I was tempted but I immediately got on the phone and talked to my sponsor, and then another recovering addict and I felt less insane and more serene. And I know I made a bad decision even snooping through my mom's purse, but I followed it up with a good decision by not acting on those thoughts and talking about it.
I wake up early every morning and read the Just For Today NA Daily Meditation and read a chapter from my basic text. I'm also working Step 1 of the Twelve Steps of NA.
I don't think I've ever worked so hard of my recovery to be honest. And I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I really see something different in myself this time, and others tell me the same.. I guess when the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of staying clean, which it did, is when recovery truly begins.
So I guess the point of this post it to just update you all at where I'm at since I've made a commitment to stay in touch with you guys more often, and to say, even though I don't have much clean time, that recovery IS possible, regardless of age(im 17),race, sex, religion, or what our drug of choice was.
Today is day 26.
I've been thinking today about my recovery, and though I don't have the "perfect program" (if there is even such a thing) I seem to be making some progress.Like yesterday, regardless of my fear of socializing with people my age(part of my aspergers) , I forced myself to go to a young persons NA meeting with my sponsor and I absolutely LOVED it. I ignored my social awkwardness and immediately made it my homegroup.. yaay I finally have a homegroup that I like, AND it's close to my house.
And I've been getting better and better at picking up the phone when I'm feeling screwed up. I've been calling my sponsor every single day, even when I don't want to. And I'm reaching out to other people too, which I've NEVER done before, such as my sponsee brothers, my grand-sponsor, and other people in the program. I find it's getting easier and easier the more I do it and although it's still not completely comfortable, it really does help. For example; today I started getting into a funk, kind of felt like using, and without thinking and I peaked into my moms purse and found more than $80 and my disease/AV immediately started talking: "Awe man 80 bucks!? Take the money and ride the bus downtown, go to the west side and cop some dope, it'll be fun!".. I was tempted but I immediately got on the phone and talked to my sponsor, and then another recovering addict and I felt less insane and more serene. And I know I made a bad decision even snooping through my mom's purse, but I followed it up with a good decision by not acting on those thoughts and talking about it.
I wake up early every morning and read the Just For Today NA Daily Meditation and read a chapter from my basic text. I'm also working Step 1 of the Twelve Steps of NA.
I don't think I've ever worked so hard of my recovery to be honest. And I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I really see something different in myself this time, and others tell me the same.. I guess when the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of staying clean, which it did, is when recovery truly begins.
So I guess the point of this post it to just update you all at where I'm at since I've made a commitment to stay in touch with you guys more often, and to say, even though I don't have much clean time, that recovery IS possible, regardless of age(im 17),race, sex, religion, or what our drug of choice was.
Today is day 26.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 18
Congratulations!
I've been clean for 7 days,I know it's just a week but it's my first time trying to quit and I', doing the best I can.Your post was an inspiration to me,you're so young and you're already fighting this hard battle with such strength,you're definitely an inspiration and you've made me want to stay clean for at least one more day,one day at a time,right?
I've been clean for 7 days,I know it's just a week but it's my first time trying to quit and I', doing the best I can.Your post was an inspiration to me,you're so young and you're already fighting this hard battle with such strength,you're definitely an inspiration and you've made me want to stay clean for at least one more day,one day at a time,right?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by jakec 
I ignored my social awkwardness and immediately made it my homegroup.. yaay I finally have a homegroup that I like, AND it's close to my house.
Once I let go and opened my heart to suggestion, the pieces started to fall into place.
My friend said something a couple weeks ago, "we can complicate a cotton ball" and boy is that the truth. When I let go and take life as it comes it is always filled with amazing things and people.
Keep working the program and keep reaching out. The moment we stop doing that is when the cotton ball comes into play. We try to take back control.
You can only learn as much as you allow it and I think that is something that we learn slowly, at least for me. When I allow myself to learn from others...GASP! the more I learn. The more I learn the easier my life is.
Congrats on 26 days. Keep on, keeping on, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Originally Posted by jakec
Ahh I feel pretty content right now I've been thinking today about my recovery, and though I don't have the "perfect program" (if there is even such a thing) I seem to be making some progress.
Like yesterday, regardless of my fear of socializing with people my age(part of my aspergers) , I forced myself to go to a young persons NA meeting with my sponsor and I absolutely LOVED it. I ignored my social awkwardness and immediately made it my homegroup.. yaay I finally have a homegroup that I like, AND it's close to my house.
And I've been getting better and better at picking up the phone when I'm feeling screwed up. I've been calling my sponsor every single day, even when I don't want to. And I'm reaching out to other people too, which I've NEVER done before, such as my sponsee brothers, my grand-sponsor, and other people in the program. I find it's getting easier and easier the more I do it and although it's still not completely comfortable, it really does help. For example; today I started getting into a funk, kind of felt like using, and without thinking and I peaked into my moms purse and found more than $80 and my disease/AV immediately started talking: "Awe man 80 bucks!? Take the money and ride the bus downtown, go to the west side and cop some dope, it'll be fun!".. I was tempted but I immediately got on the phone and talked to my sponsor, and then another recovering addict and I felt less insane and more serene. And I know I made a bad decision even snooping through my mom's purse, but I followed it up with a good decision by not acting on those thoughts and talking about it.
I wake up early every morning and read the Just For Today NA Daily Meditation and read a chapter from my basic text. I'm also working Step 1 of the Twelve Steps of NA.
I don't think I've ever worked so hard of my recovery to be honest. And I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I really see something different in myself this time, and others tell me the same.. I guess when the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of staying clean, which it did, is when recovery truly begins.
So I guess the point of this post it to just update you all at where I'm at since I've made a commitment to stay in touch with you guys more often, and to say, even though I don't have much clean time, that recovery IS possible, regardless of age(im 17),race, sex, religion, or what our drug of choice was.
Today is day 26.
I've been thinking today about my recovery, and though I don't have the "perfect program" (if there is even such a thing) I seem to be making some progress.Like yesterday, regardless of my fear of socializing with people my age(part of my aspergers) , I forced myself to go to a young persons NA meeting with my sponsor and I absolutely LOVED it. I ignored my social awkwardness and immediately made it my homegroup.. yaay I finally have a homegroup that I like, AND it's close to my house.
And I've been getting better and better at picking up the phone when I'm feeling screwed up. I've been calling my sponsor every single day, even when I don't want to. And I'm reaching out to other people too, which I've NEVER done before, such as my sponsee brothers, my grand-sponsor, and other people in the program. I find it's getting easier and easier the more I do it and although it's still not completely comfortable, it really does help. For example; today I started getting into a funk, kind of felt like using, and without thinking and I peaked into my moms purse and found more than $80 and my disease/AV immediately started talking: "Awe man 80 bucks!? Take the money and ride the bus downtown, go to the west side and cop some dope, it'll be fun!".. I was tempted but I immediately got on the phone and talked to my sponsor, and then another recovering addict and I felt less insane and more serene. And I know I made a bad decision even snooping through my mom's purse, but I followed it up with a good decision by not acting on those thoughts and talking about it.
I wake up early every morning and read the Just For Today NA Daily Meditation and read a chapter from my basic text. I'm also working Step 1 of the Twelve Steps of NA.
I don't think I've ever worked so hard of my recovery to be honest. And I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I really see something different in myself this time, and others tell me the same.. I guess when the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of staying clean, which it did, is when recovery truly begins.
So I guess the point of this post it to just update you all at where I'm at since I've made a commitment to stay in touch with you guys more often, and to say, even though I don't have much clean time, that recovery IS possible, regardless of age(im 17),race, sex, religion, or what our drug of choice was.
Today is day 26.
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