Dying2stop

For more than 5 years I have been taking methadone, 1st for 3 years a pill more than 100 a day. Then it went to something else then low and behold they put me on @ the clinic taking 175 mg a day for over two years now. Finding the right words to say or write is a very hard thing to do. I know I am so tired of taking this crap that it is to the point why live I have no life any ways due to having to take this daily just to not be sick and be able to move around. So there is no life why keep living? Then there is the pain that I was placed on this junk for in the 1st place God I could kill my self when it starts, I pull my hair scream double over cry oh God the pain. I then have to go to the hospital for pain control. Yes another drug being pumped through my body. Why do I have to live this way this is worse then having a baby and I have had 9. This pain is so intense dying would be better than feeling this. If I was dead I think there would be no more pain. Yes how great that would be.
What do I do? I have no money, no job, no insurance, no support, no help NO nothing. My husband blames me and when I start hurting he yells at me screaming that I am a dope head and just want med's. nothing could or is further from the truth. I need help before I die. I want a life again even if it is alone. NO more drugs I guess the pain would be better than the med. The way I SEE IT THIS JUNK IS NOT A MED, MEDICINES ARE TO HELP YOU NOT KILL YOU. WHAT DO I DO? LOST SCARED ALONE WITH NOTHING?
I also have no friends thanks to this stuff, it seemed to be more important than anything else in life. NO friends, no family, no support from my husband, no money, no job, no insurance NO nothing. Can any one give me advice on what to do, and how to do it alone and with nothing? Before I am dead. I do not want to go on like this, the pain, the drug, hospital(s) etc. This is not life so why keep taking up peoples time? Please Help!!

doggonecarl

I know things must seem hopeless, but they don't have to be. Coming here is a step in the direction of recovery.

What is the pain issue that started your drug use?

As for what to do, you probably have to look locally for some form of detox/rehab. You have a computer...Try the Salvation Army. At least get started with seeking out solutions. Nar-anon might have a list of substance abuse places. We have a forum for substance abuse:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I know it's not a lot of help. I just wanted to welcome you. Don't let your current despair make you think things can't get better.

Skye2

to SR. I'm not much help with this I'm afraid, but just wanted to say hi