OrganisedChaos

I've realised recently that even though I'm not dependent on alcohol, I do have a problem. I turn into a completely different person and I've sat back and looked through the past with a fine toothed comb and I've come to realise I've been really quite verbally abusive towards my boyfriend whenever I've been really drunk, it's no wonder he doesn't want to talk to me. This weekend I lost control completely at someone's wedding, I screamed at him, called him horrible names and said I hated him. I woke up in the morning and felt so disgusted with myself, not only because I didn't mean any of it, but also because it was someone else's special day. I was just angry with him for something minor and blew it completely out of proportion. I want to stop doing this and learn where the limit is. I'm a binge drinker, and once I start on a night out I can't stop until I'm in a right state, I've done this on and off since my 2nd year of university, so coming up for 2 years. I don't want to treat him this way anymore, I want to treat him the way he deserves to be treated and I want to help myself be a better person so that I can feel good about the person that I am rather than beating myself up for everything and feeling like I'm a terrible person all the time, because when I'm sober, I know I'm a nice person.

I don't know if I should be here, and I don't know where to start fixing this and making up for the horrible things I have said and done when I've been drunk. Any advice would be appreciated.

allihk

Welcome to SR. You have come to the right place for help & support. Sorry to hear about your situation. You will receive good advice here from people here (that have much more experience than me). But I just thought I would stop and say hello and welcome. Keep reading here and keep posting :-)

ChrissieB

Hi there Organised glad you are here, yes things will definitely get better, I attend AA and post on here. I too hate the person I became when I drank and thankfully one day at a time I stay away from alcohol. Good Luck

Dee74

Hi OrganisedChaos

If you want to leave the drama, pain wreckage that drinking leaves behind, and rediscover the real, genuine you, you're in the right place

SR helped me turn things around, I hope we can help you too

D

OrganisedChaos

Thank you everyone for your posts, I really appreciate the support.


K
Xx

b086

i'm not sure if you've looked into AA....before my first meeting i imagined a bunch of weaklings and lunatics. but i knew i needed help and it seemed easy enough to slink in and out of a meeting, unnoticed. i imagined it would make me feel like i had "done something," and that i could then give up and go back to drinking and using.

needless to say, it transformed my life.

i could relate very strongly to some of the things that you've said, especially about beating yourself up, feeling terrible about things that you've done wrong, and wanting to make things right. In AA they say that many of us have had strong moral and philosophical convictions, but we haven't been able to live up to them even when we wanted to. AA talks at great length about this, and has given me a great deal of peace of mind. i would definitely recommend going to a meeting. you don't have to agree with anything anyone says, and you don't need to label yourself. just consider checking it out.

if that doesn't appeal to you, i know for certain that there are others on this site who will have other methods and suggestions that have helped them. welcome, and i hope you hear something that brings you some comfort and ease....

happyhour

hi organisedchaos, welcome to SR.

drinking, made my life more chaotic too - i think i used to like it the attention, drama, extremes, being on the edge, etc. but, it became exhausting, i lost a lot of relationships, and my life really started to suffer. i honestly hope you stick around and consider the other option.

least

to SR! You're in the right place for support to stop drinking.

flutter

Welcome!! I found that as long as I never drank again, I slowly showed the people in my life that I had hurt that I would never be 'like that' again.

Anna

I also became a person that I really disliked, even hated, when I drank.

You can stop drinking and be the person you want to be.

FeenixxRising

Welcome OC. It sounds to me like you should be here. IMO you're a classic binge drinking alcoholic. The best way to fix the problem is to stop drinking completely. That may be a bitter pill to swallow, but If you're currently an angry and abusive drunk when you binge drink, you almost certainly won't be able to force yourself to become a happy, friendly drinker.

Razorback

There's of course AA, which has many meetings for women only, and some even for moms. Other groups with online and in-person meetings include:

SMART Recovery
SOS (Secular Organizations for Sobriety)
Lifering
Women for Sobriety
mywayout.org
cryingoutnow.com

A increasing number of people like the privacy and convenience of online support, but it's also very helpful to have face-to-face support -- and not to isolate yourself. Good luck and come back here anytime!