deeker

I like this Chapter in Living Sober

Reprinted With Permission Of AA World Services, inc

Staying away from the first drink

Expressions commonly heard in A.A. are "If you don't take that first drink, you can't get drunk" and "One drink is too many, but twenty are not enough."

Many of us, when we first began to drink, never wanted or took more than one or two drinks. But as time went on, we increased the number. Then, in later years we found ourselves drinking more and more, some of us getting and staying very drunk. Maybe our condition didn't always show in our speech or our gait, but this time we were never actually sober.

If that bother us too much, we would cut down, or try to limit ourselves to just one or two, or switch from hard liquor to beer or wine. At least, we tried to limit the amount, so we would not get too disastrously tight. Or we tried to hide how much we drank.

But all these measures got more and more difficult. Occasionally, we went on the wagon, and did not drink at all for a while.

Eventually, we would go back to drinking — just one drink.

Instead of trying to figure out how many we could handle — four? — six? — a dozen? — we remember, "Just don;t pick up that first drink." It is so much simpler. The habit of thinking this way has helped hundreds of thousands of us stay sober for years.

deeker

Maybe you can, but since you don't know Is it worth taking the chance?

gaudi

Deeker - so true!

Vedette

I never met a substance I did not like. Lucky for me I quit pot when my wife was expecting our 1st child (28 years ago) and I never got into other drugs. Wanted to be able to look my kids in the eye and say I do not use drugs. They know now that I'm a drunk. Ironic. I started with beer and switched to vodka thinking it was lower in calories.
Used to drink just a pint each night. Then found a pint was not enough so I would add a 100 proof nip or two. Then I'd buy 750ml bottle thinking it would last me a couple of days. Wrong. I don't buy bigger bottles because I'm afraid I would drink it all in one night.

ScottFromWI

No one here is going to tell you if you are an alcoholic or not. It doesn't matter how many times you ask the question or how you word it. It doesn't even matter if you call yourself an alcohlic or not. Even at an AA meeting the only requirement is a desire to quit drinking.

You have shared many facts and behaviors that would indicate that you have a problem with alcohol. Is your motive to quit drinking or get support, or somehow rationalize to yourself that you are not an alcohlic? You need to decide one way or the other.

lojoe

You know, I gotta be honest, I have no idea why I obsess over this. It's never ending. It's like I just HAVE to know. Do I need to go out and do controlled drinking? I don't think so. I already know that I don't want to live with the problems associated with alcohol anymore. But the obsessive part of me is like "you'll never know for sure unless you do it" but I just don't think that voice is wise. I apologize for my reaching externally for a diagnosis that needs to come from personal acceptance. I wish I could just be done with it.

gaudi

You can be done with it. You only have to stop drinking.

ScottFromWI

What exactly are you suggesting by "unless you do it"? You've already attempted uncontrolled drinking and it didn't work. Or am I missing something?

lojoe

I mean I tell myself that I will only know for sure, 100%, that I'm an alcoholic if I go out and try controlled drinking and see if I drink more than planned...that's what Im referring to. I think this is the voice of the disease talking. Not sure.

gaudi

I'm with ScottFrom WI on this one.

Doesn't the fact that you are on this site mean that you are an alcoholic?

And a normal drinker doesn't need to consider "controlled drinking". They just don't think about it. They certainly never do all this soul searching.

I think you should just get on with quitting.

ScottFromWI

It's definitely the disease talking. You already admitted you sometimes drink more than you plan on, and you drive after drinking when you shouldn't. That's the definition of uncontrolled drinking.

My disease told me the same thing for years. Having a few more won't hurt. I won't drink as many this time. I'll just have one more and then quit. Tomorrow i'll quit. I'm not as bad as other people I know, they are way worse alcoholics, and on and on and on and on.....

It's all a steaming load of you-know-what. The key is listening to your voice of reason rather than the disease.

dwtbd

It's like in high school science class when the teacher would give us all materials to conduct an 'experiment'. The one with the test tube to collect hydrogen and a wooden stick to light the gas in the tube to see if it exploded. I always thought it was silly to call it an experiment, we weren't testing to see if there was a reaction, we already knew it would explode. They should have termed it a demonstration.

gaudi

And recognise that you are in denial, which is a huge side-affect of being an alcoholic.

All the questioning and reasoning you are doing with yourself is exhausting.

Cut out the middle man and go straight to giving up. It'll save time and more mental ping pong. And before you know it you'll be a year in on your sobriety.

I love being sober! So I can highly recommend it. Reading you brings back knackering memories. I thank God that it's over for me.

dwtbd

If you are looking for advice , I would suggest researching the term 'addiction ambivalence' to see if it resonates with an honest appraisal of your own thinking.

jdooner

The question comes down to whether you want to stop it or you want someone else or something else to stop your drinking. It will stop but might kill you to do so.

Alcoholism has very little to do with the actual ingestion of alcohol, in my opinion. In fact usually its a symptom of a bigger issue - not always but most.

Our minds are different from people without this disease. We can be high functioning and often will rationalize our disease by the things we attain or degrees or titles. But the mind of an alcoholic obsesses, kind of like you are doing about whether you are an alcoholic or not.

This obsessive compulsive behavior continues in an alcoholic even when they are dry (dry drunk). That is why we tend to get addicted to other things, exercise, sobriety, drugs, music, skydiving....the list is endless. The problem with this is we are not fixing the underlying issue by just giving up the drink. So what happens if your fix is exercise and then you get hurt - risk of relapse, right?

It has been said by many that this disease is a result of broken spirit. Therefore, awakening the spiritual side of our minds and realizing we are not so unique and special, as we once thought and we are not god or better than others (i.e., pride) provides humility and removes the obsession. The is the sparkle in the eyes of truly recovered alcoholics.

The good news is there is a cure but the bad news is the path to get there starts by realizing you have lost the battle.

Good luck with the fight there is a lot of good advice on this Board much of which you have been given.

lojoe

You guys have all saved my ass today. Thank you!!!!!

jdooner

Lojoe - we have all been exactly where you are - just look at my early posts. My guess is I probably wrote the same words. This is what is neat that you will find with alcoholics, its like the land of misfit toys we are not alone.

Funny, when someone shares at AA a crazy story and say who does that, I am often caught thinking how much what that person just said made sense...we just seem to get each other. Stick around, read the posts, if you relate then you probably fit and we welcome you with open arms.

ScottFromWI

Don't sell yourself short either. You took the initiative to come here and ask for help - that means a lot. Keep doing it and look for ( and accept ) help wherever you can. You can beat this thing.

advbike

Speaking of understanding each other, I found this to be a very insightful and concise summarization of the issue. Thanks JD, you're doing good work

Dee74

A little late - but my 2 cents

I was like that too - sometimes I could manage to not drink at all, sometimes I'd manage only to have a couple...and sometimes (a lot more times) I went on weeks long benders.

Action is more important than the label to me - we can argue forever on gradations and levels of alcoholism, but really?

If alcohol is causing you problems and you decide you need to stop, that's the bottom line for me.

I'd obsess about it too. Apparently normal folk don't do that lol

I think by the time the vast majority of us get to SR we've tried the controlled drinking thing.

You're not drinking at the moment - you have good reason for that.
I think you already know, Joe.

I'm really glad you came here to talk it out

D