letlifebegin

Hate the way I am feeling mentally. I've never had anxiety, panic or any other mental issues. I just don't feel normal anymore. I find myself constantly panicking, feeling afraid that I've got mental illness or something. It's so bad at times I start shaking and feel like I'm gonna loose it, but only mentally. I have talked to my mom and my wife about drinking again to regain my mental stability. I was always productive as an alcoholic and never had these kind of mental issues. I functioned better with alcohol, and that's an obvious fact. I went to the doctor and the prescribed 20mg daily of prozac which I started today simply because I couldn't stand the way I was feeling. I hate the way I feel now and am pretty certain if it doesn't go away soon I'm going back to the only medication I knew worked without and side effects. I just don't know what to do.. At this point it's alcohol or metal illness. So it seems.

ReadyAtLast

It takes longer than a month to get better both physically and mentally. It took years to get into the states we were in. In the first month I was aware of physical issues but into month 2 I was aware of mental issues.I was anxious, depressed,fearful and numb. But it did get better.

Being honest I'd always had mental issues that I'd numbed with alcoholc or not dealt with them but ignored them and drank instead. Now I'm working through things and it is getting better.

Going back to drinking is not the answer. It stops being effective and the side effects will appear and get worse.

letlifebegin

Thanks. I really don't want to go back. After two weeks I felt great and thought I was ok, week three, everything else started happening. It's just scary to feel like this and feeling like I have no control. The doc did say I may have had some issues and just never noticed them because the alcohol masked them. Going through this now, sometimes I just sit and cry, asking myself how I let me get here. It's just so hard knowing that I made what seemed like a great decision for me and my family and it's almost like it backfired. It's just depressing.

Tamerua

Congratulations letlife! Your name would suggest that you were doing anything not to and that's why you're here?

For some, it take a while to level out. And then some do need help from the doc. Give it more time. What kind of recovery program are you working?

letlifebegin

Well I thought me quitting was going to drastically change my life for the best. I'm assuming there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I just can't see any sign of it yet. As far as a recovery program, all I have been doing is spending slit of time around family and looking for support with them. Then when I need to talk about thing I think they may be uncomfortable with I come here. See, my family is very supportive but I feel like they say things they are "programmed to say". Like they are always saying how proud they are, I made the best decision for my family and they say it so much to the point where it feels generic. I don't know, I am just trying to stay away from beer and I play with my kids a lot more. They are truly my motivation.

least

One month is still early in recovery. It will take longer to 'balance out'. But if you go back to drinking you'll have that big ugly problem again. Give yourself more time. And relax. You're not going mental, your brain is just adjusting to a life without alcohol.

letlifebegin

I know least. It's just scary feeling like I'm loosing it. I know I'm not the only one who's dealing with this. I always feel so much more relaxed after posting here. Thanks

happyhour

i drank for a reason, usually to shut down some type of fear, anxiety, or emotional hurt/insecurity (insert thought, "this guy is a real mess" ). when i stopped, all these imperfections and my wonderful personality was soberly right in front of me, so now i am dealing with life with some arrested skills that have been in hibernation for 15 years It's like learning to ride a bike again- but eventually after you go over the handlebars a couple times, you'll find you can ride to a friends house, sometimes even with no hands and scream whhheeeeee!

don't worry - it'll get easier...congratulations on 1 month, that is fantastic

Received

I found walking a tremendous help. It's possibly the last thing you'd like to do but it really is incredibly beneficial to help slow down a mind that's racing.

Life gets better when we participate in it. I started with cleaning my apartment top to bottom. Rearranged furniture, cleaned out drawers and closets. Did a detailed cleaning inside and out of my old clunker of a car. Walked the dog's legs down to stubs (nah, kidding he already had short legs).

Don't sit around moping or waiting for a huge bright light to appear. Get up and get going.

FeenixxRising

Just keep at it letlife. Alcohol may help in the short term, but it won't help in the long run, you know that. And it certainly has side effects. Give the Prozac time, it takes up to a month for it to fully works, so don't give up on it after only a few days.

I also suggest vigorous daily exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough rest. Many people in recovery neglect this; they shouldn't because it does help.

letlifebegin

Thanks y'all. I am trying to get out of the house more often aside from work. I noticed I really only loose it at home. I'm here at my dads now about to shoot some hoops with my little brother. Hopefully that will help.

trudgingagain

Letlifebegin, your name, really says it all. You are beginning to FEEL....it IS tough...learning how to deal with feelings, emotions, anxiety, etc. etc. For me, once I got sober (many years ago...now new on day 18), and some time had passed, I was put on anti-anxiety/depression meds. I maintained my sobriety, but after a year or so, weaned myself off of the meds. I have read (somewhere) that an alcoholic brain is actually DIFFERENT than the non-alcoholic brain. So maybe there is a chemical imbalance? Just a thought....but drinking is not the answer...and deep down, you probably know that...just like we all do, or we would not be here. Hang in there, walk, relax...maybe learn how to meditate??? I can't do it, but I am trying CONGRATS ON A MONTH!!!! Great stuff!

Dee74

I'm glad you saw a Dr. Drinking is never a solution - if it was noone would ever join SR

Hopefully the Prozac will help - do keep in mind tho that based on my experience it may take a few weeks to kick in.

D

Mizzuno

Ya know, I too felt very mentally awkward for a time after I quit. I have had my moments where I thought I was going mad. Its all still questionable The thing is, is that I had to level off and readjust to my "new" life. Also, there just may be something that has to be addressed within you now that you no longer drink. And that is okay. It is perfectly acceptable to not be okay right now. We are programmed or told that we have to be strong yada yada.... Its BS. There is a reason why you are processing and it is of great importance to let it all out. You are doing great. Oh, and your family is saying that they are proud of you because they are proud of you. Believe it. You should be proud too.

Correy

All my life I believed I was a "highly functioning alcoholic" (HFA) for I've been quite well-known in one country, has been working without ever missing a deadlines and / or business meetings etc.. Moreover, I was quite well-off in another country where I made a lot of money. When I lost it, I lost it while I was sober.

That made me think I could, or even perhaps should, drink!? I'm a great as drunkard, funny, never aggressive, productive, so why not, went my thinking.

So I kept thinking how drinking - aside a little issue of feeling like crap for so many times - had nothing to do with my "success" and / or me being a HFA for, hell yes, I was functioning well above average, "better" as you said.

Than the other day I found several notes I wrote 10 years ago, when I had all the money in the world but was drinking, as a "successful" HFA.

I still don't know how I did not kill myself then - those several notes (and that wasn't written while drunk, or hungover, I wrote them over several months) were a scathing condemnation of the way I lived my "highly functional" life.

Alone. Depressed. Drunk. Pathetic...

Deception and self-deception is the name of the game.

Good luck.

SoberForMySon

Have you considered some outside support? There are many programs to choose from, not just AA, though I am working the steps with the hope they help me with my severe mental illness too. I drank to mask it. So I do understand.

anyistoomuch

Congrats letlife!

I'm only a few days in but I wanted to encourage you to see a therapist or a counselor. When we feel emotionally and mentally in disarray, it is hard to feel like we are connecting with anyone. I recognize this because I suffer a chronic low grade depression (something that is actually very common), sometimes have a hard time feeling like I am meaningfully connecting with people, and it is one of the reasons I constantly turn to drinking to "medicate", of course - turning into a really bad abusive habit. When I was diagnosed with my condition (dysthymia) and given a course of treatment, it was like night and day and I startted to feel better - but drinking was "in my blood" by then. I suggest a therapist or psychiatrist here because it must feel very lonely to not be able to talk to the people in your life about what you are going through, and it is important to feel supported.

Also -I am new to this site, but I am finding it very fortifying!

letlifebegin

I am very grateful for having such a supportive family. I want to thank everyone for their advice and input. I really hope to get to the bottom of all my issues and move forward. What I have been struggling with is figuring out weather my current problems are due to withdraw symptoms or possibly a mental illness. I never really had a lot of issues before I started drinking heavily but who knows. I really hope I am ok and just still experiencing withdraws.

Mizzuno

Yes, give it some time. Be gentle with you. Please know that there is a leveling that takes place. I would not spend too much time putting yourself in spin over head issues. Getting sober is hard work in the beginning. I have this feeling that you will be just fine.