Leana

Yup, 5 years, 3 months sober today and I want a drink. I am so sick and tired of being the person who is responsible. Let someone else deal with the problems for once.

trudgingagain

I drank because I wanted someone else to be in control. I drank because I wanted to escape....after years of sobriety *1st 8, then 3, then 4...each one followed by a relapse...I know I can NEVER drink again....hang in there....this too shall pass....

IOAA2

Hi Leana and thanks for posting your feelings. I don't know if you go to meetings so if you do I'd share there and stay close. During moments of desperation I need to stop and look at the slogans to help me at that moment, like REMEMBER WHEN. For me that didn't bring on thoughts of being happy joyous and free. Acceptance in all my affairs was/is one I don't always like but it's a fact. Postpone that drink always to tomorrow helps many. My favorite is "if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober AGAIN." I try to remember that we deal with alcohol which is cunning, baffling and insidious.

BE WELL

RobbyRobot

You know, wanting different expectations can change how we deal with our responsibilities. I'm sure after 5 years of no alcohol, drinking is not what you really want as an answer to changing out where the buck stops. Our choices define our responsibilities, and we can always simplify our lives when we give ourselves a chance to honestly examine what is what with our lifestyle.

What is it about responsibilities that has you dismayed and in despair? When people start saying let someone else deal with the problems it usually means the person talking feels they are doing more then their share, and someone else is not doing nearly enough...

Hope things work out better for you today.

doggonecarl

I have no platitudes for you Leana.

You didn't stay sober over five years by accident. You know the score. Without knowing the exact situation, I will make an assumption. Responsibility is the mantle you've assumed. That's who Leana is. If you drink, you will still be the responsible one. The problem solver. With an extra problem to deal with.

If you no longer want to be that person, the responsible one, find a more lasting solution than alcohol.

In the short term, find some other way to escape from the pressure, some way to treat you like the special person you are.

heath480

Congratulations on your sober time,don't throw it away for a lousy drink.

I am sure you won't because you have posted here,it is just a thought and it will pass.

DoubleDragons

Lean, I pray that the urge to drink passes for you, but I have to thank you for your post. I have spent the last 34 days just focusing on not drinking. I have not given much thought as to why I drank nor why I drank to excess. I now get it! This has been such an A-ha moment for me. I have spent my whole life being the responsible one, the caretaker to all. I wanted a break from it all but I did not go about it in a healthy way. I always say that I attract needy people, but the common denominator is me! I now can't wait to address this problem in a healthy manner, alcohol free, because I am stronger and clearer without it. I don't deserve self destruction and nor do you. We have to learn to give to ourselves but in life enhancing ways.

Twofish

Dear Leana, wow that's a long time to be sober! I don't drink, never did, but I have 2 ADs who are recovering and I pray they won't ever want to use again. Considering the wonderful accomplishment you have achieved so far, I'm hoping that this thought of having a drink will pass. Can you have a diet coke on the rocks and think you had a drink, get over the overwhelming thought, smile and get on with your day?. Think hard about all the work you have done! Let the thought, urge or craving pass, let it go just for today, tomorrow will look different. Please try? Hugs from a mom, TF
Also I'm not the most responsible person in the world, don't or try not to take on all the responsibility of the world. Today, give yourself a day off.

firstymer

I am sorry, Leana. You will get through this. Just like you have been doing for the last five years and three months. You have your life as it is now. And you have available your life as it was five years and three months ago. Ask yourself which of the two is better. I think you know what the answer is. If you need to make some changes, maybe shed some responsibility, do it. But do it with a clear head. Being drunk won't help. You will simply replace guilt, anxiety, hangovers, etc. etc. for the temporary frustration you are experiencing. Good luck. And thank you for posting.

pinkdog

Hi Leana, it's really about accepting that you cannot drink. I don't think drinking will be an escape. I think it will bring more problems. Stay sober. You rock!!

Leana

Thank you everyone. I went to Barnes and Noble and got a double chocolate chip frappachino and wandered aimlessly through the store (I love books). The urge has passed but I' can say, it scared the S*&t out of me as to how fast that urge came over me. I'll make to 1919- and tomorrow is another day. THANKS AGAIN for your support.

least

So glad you didn't give in to the urge.

neferkamichael

Leana, 5 years 3 months is FANTASTIC. Your thread makes me wonder what I'm gonna be thinking at 5 years 3 months. No matter how tough the going gets, drinking would just make it worse, so please, just tough it out, suffer throw it. Rootin for ya.

Dee74

when I get like that I just don't be responsible for a while


it's ok to take a day off or have a you day - I'm glad you got out and had some fun leana

ACT10Npack

What kind of problems are you having to deal with? Being responsible does not always have to be you solving other people problems.

Zebra1275

I'm glad you didn't give into the urge to drink.

Whatever issues you are facing in life, they would still be there tomorrow even if you drank. Except that you would be hungover, and your self esteem would be in the toilet because you got drunk.

And then, if you are like me you might say "screw it" and get drunk a second night, and then maybe a third . . .

Leana

My mom died in June, leaving my dad (they were married for 55 years) alone. He is trying to cope the best he can but needs help (he is 85) and I'm the closest (2 hrs away). My sister is sick and needs help. My husband is having issues with his parents needing (but not wanting) to be put in a nursing home. And I miss my mom.

360shoes

Oh Leana,
That's me too. My Mom died 5 weeks ago from Alzheimer's. My dad is 81 with dementia. They were married 56 years. I was the only one that helped them and now I am all my Dad has.

There have been days I just fell to my knees from the weight of the responsibility.

If you can find some type of caregiver support, I would suggest it. It helps talking with other people who are caregivers for their elderly parents.

I know this is so hard. I know.

Take care of yourself please and (((hug)))

Copycat512

Leana sending so much love your way. Congratulations on pushing through.

Dee74

I think caregivers have the hardest job in the world.

Is there anyone else who can help you out and give you a break - family, friends or local organisations?

D