Flying4Life

I am really excited to be on day 59 but I am struggling a lot. Not so much with actual cravings right now but the feelings that would typically lead me to drink. I am completely exhausted, I have missed 3 days of classes and I am still so tired. I feel like I have lost my drive and focus. School is very demanding right now and I feel like I am failing (but I am not).

2 people that I know died this week, one was my great-great aunt and the other one was my grandma's best friend. I don't think that should be impacting me but maybe it is. The weather is terrible today grey, cold, and rainy.

I had plans to spend time with my dad tonight handing out candy but I had to cancel them because I feel like crap and I have so much school work to get done.

Yesterday, I ordered something online with my sobriety date on it. It could take up to 6 weeks to get here, I hope that I wasn't tempting fate. I wish I didn't feel so crappy. I just want to get thru today.

autan

Congratulations on 59 days sober.

I think the best advice is you need to do something different today. You need to spoil yourself. Are you close to any day spa's or swimming pools and saunas where you can pamper yourself. The last thing you want to be doing is sitting around at home, thinking about drinking or not, thats rubbish, I know I have spent hours doing it myself.

Even go to the cinema or go for a jog, anythings better than torturing yourself.

Threshold

Hugs. Whew! I feel tired just reading your list.

But you, me, the door knob and the trick or treaters know that drinking won't make you feel better, and it won't fix or solve anything. It will just set you back...soooo what is the line of thinking that is making drinking look like a good idea?

I find reality checks like that help keep me from getting stupid again.

When I feel overwhelmed, getting at least one thing done makes me feel more hopeful and happy that I've accomplished something, a better alternative to "look! I got drunk!"

But, I have to be willing to look at what I am doing instead of focusing on what hasn't yet gotten done.

I'm am SO glad you posted here instead of went out to get some booze. Smart! You DO know what is good for you.

For what it's worth. I found the days around 30,60, and 90 crappy for some reason too.

You won't feel like this forever. hugs

doggonecarl

Are you going to accomplish any school work? Honestly? Or are you going to mentally fret away any productivity by brooding over how crappy you feel?

If you are going to work...WORK. It will keep your mind off this quit-normal dip in your emotions.

However, if you aren't going to really get any school work done, then I say spend the time with your dad. Pass out candy. Look at the faces of the children and see their enjoyment. Use your family for support. More importantly, support your dad. The people you lost are the people he lost too. You will be giving him comfort by being there.

You can get through this.

hayley86

I'm really sorry to hear about the people you have lost. You must feel very overwhelmed. I think it's good that you can recognize the feelings that may typically lead you to drink. That means that you can prevent it from happening. If you are tired can you try and get some rest or do something to relax?. Drinking will only create added pressure and stress and ruin all your hard work. Congrats on 59 days. How you are feeling right now will pass. Stay strong.

Flying4Life

Thank you for all of the support and good ideas! Also, thank you, thank you for telling me that this is normal because I felt like I was losing it.

Mizzuno

Hey. I have a huge amount of school work to do today also. Lets just do it. One foot in front of the other. Get up and get moving. Let the day take care of itself. You may feel better later, and then you can go spend time with your Dad. If you have class, go to class. You are not alone here. Congrats on your time!!!!

(I am sorry to hear of your loss. It is always hard. You are doing well despite it all. Keep walking forward. The best thing that you can do is to be gentle with you, and know that we all go through times that are not optimal. You are dealing with this clear headed and right now the emotions are supposed to be there. The above post is to let you know that walking forward is the best possible solution. I hope I did not convey insensitivity)

least

I say pass out candy for the kids. It'll take your mind off yourself and give you something positive to do.

Threshold

Something that REALLY helped me let go and live sober was ^^^(what you say above)...it's normal.

Feelings are NORMAL! Normal people feel all kinds of stuff. Having bad days, happy days, sick days, "I can't handle it" days are part of the human experience. They are not the result of drinking, not drinking, failure as a human being...they just are part of the ride we call life.

When I was able to realize that not everything I think, feel, do, don't do, or that happens to me is related to booze or lack of booze, I relaxed and started living, accepting, having a normal relationship with myself and my life.

People who never touched a drink, haven't had any recent losses and arent' behind in job or school sometimes wake up feeling exactly like you do...and it passes. Or if it doesn't they see a dr, or take a break.

I had gotten SO used to looking at myself under a microscope with the "pathetic alcoholic" lens that I lost sight of the fact that there was more to me and more to life.

I truly believe that THAT was a huge key to me quitting for good, acknowledging there was more to life than booze, and more to me than the adjective alcoholic/addict.

AlefVavResh

Nah. You're just reminding fate where you're headed.

ACH32

Just to maybe help you out.... I too had some rough spots around 60 days. Exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed. I'm on day 88 and things are much better. I'm still tired and pushing through somedays but like everyone said in previous posts, if you have a plan when these times hit, you'll get through them! I come straight here because I know I'll have a ton of support (just as you will). I just keep remembering, "this too shall pass". As for me now, I'm a little bit moody and irritable but starting to get my "sober feet". Hang in there and get through today. Then you get to wake up tomorrow sober and pat yourself on the back! You can do it! Congrats on 59 days

CaiHong

Congrats on the 60 days,
if you feel exhausted, rest if you can. The number one priority is to stay sober and if that means going to bed for 24 hours and putting the world on hold so be it.
caiHong

ZeldaFan

Had I not slipped for a few days weeks ago, I would be on day 60 myself. I slipped in the 30s on my day count and I can already tell this weekend is going to be a challenge. We can do it, though! My plan is to change up my weekend routine and get some stuff done, go to the movies and hopefully spend some time outdoors if the weather is nice enough. That 30, 60, 90 thing is a bear but nothing that can't be beat!

LadyBlue0527

First, congrats on 59 days!!!

Is how you're feeling normal? You're singing a tune we all know too well. It does pass. There's a lot of ups and downs but oh so worth it.

Stop and give yourself credit for what you've accomplished. You made a life changing decision and you've stuck by it for 59 days. That's huge! Give yourself a break

Another thing is that it's also common around a milestone to develop some cravings. Every time I hit a 30 day period it seemed to occur. This too, along with the urges dissipate.

It gets better and when you're feeling like you are the best place to come is here (or work on your recovery program). There's nothing like being around people who get exactly what you're going through.

Flying4Life

Thanks everyone! I did make it thru today. I eased off on myself, un-cancelled my plans with my Dad, did some school work, watched a scary movie, and now I feel so much better.

I am not totally caught up with my assignments but I took care of the things that really mattered and I am still gratefully sober!!

Mizzuno

I like this a lot. I am glad that you made it to your Dad's. A day can turn itself around in a matter of minutes. This is very good to hear from you.

Elysium

Yes, I have the same problem with milestone days. I think it's Satan trying to bring us down. He doesn't want to see us victorious.

So if it helps, think of it as a battle with Satan, but you have God and the power of prayer and the good people on this board! I will pray for you. Congrats on what I hope today is 60 days!

So sorry about the losses that effected you. It can be a profound presence in your life, because you are learning to deal with things sober, not numbed. Your emotions are raw, and you start to feel things deeply. It will take some time to be able to figure out what to do with all that emotion.

wpainterw

Keep posting here. We're here for you. Depression comes with the territory but it usually lets up. Hope the weather improves soon. And congratulations on that sobriety time. You've given yourself a great big present! An asset which grows more and more valuable with time.

W.