Backing away from the edge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 112
Backing away from the edge
So first post here and just under 24 hours without a drink. Had a couple of drinks yesterday and finished off the bottle of bourbon and instead of going straight out and buying another one I found this site and started reading.
I have drank heavily for about 20 years starting when I was 12-13. We have had a lot of heartache over the last 10 years with pregnancy loss and although I have struggled with depression since teenagehood this has really been the trigger for me as I have found out most recently.
I decided to do "dry July" and raise money to help our local hospital but a cancer chair for its patients although I struggled more than I ever have with anything I stayed dry. But turned up my intake of my other addiction, pot. I was feeling pretty good about finally having at least one thing slightly under control when we found out I was unexpectly pregnant with another ectopic and the next few weeks saw me in and out of hospital dosed up on endone and panadine forte. Once I was back home the first thing I did was open a bottle. And have not closed it since, my weed smoking has gone back to normal but only because my main addiction was back in high gear.
So had a break the other day and told hubby how bad I have let myself get, he will support me in anything I do, including letting me spend whatever I need to on drugs and alcohol. Which isn't always a good supportive method. I suggested that I would go I an aa meeting but living in a small country town got my fear to take over and instead of going I smoked a joint.
I don't know if I will ever be able to quit as I never seem to finish what I start and am already counting down the time until I finish work and can go straight to the bottlo.
Sorry for the long post, I tend to ramble a lot
I have drank heavily for about 20 years starting when I was 12-13. We have had a lot of heartache over the last 10 years with pregnancy loss and although I have struggled with depression since teenagehood this has really been the trigger for me as I have found out most recently.
I decided to do "dry July" and raise money to help our local hospital but a cancer chair for its patients although I struggled more than I ever have with anything I stayed dry. But turned up my intake of my other addiction, pot. I was feeling pretty good about finally having at least one thing slightly under control when we found out I was unexpectly pregnant with another ectopic and the next few weeks saw me in and out of hospital dosed up on endone and panadine forte. Once I was back home the first thing I did was open a bottle. And have not closed it since, my weed smoking has gone back to normal but only because my main addiction was back in high gear.
So had a break the other day and told hubby how bad I have let myself get, he will support me in anything I do, including letting me spend whatever I need to on drugs and alcohol. Which isn't always a good supportive method. I suggested that I would go I an aa meeting but living in a small country town got my fear to take over and instead of going I smoked a joint.
I don't know if I will ever be able to quit as I never seem to finish what I start and am already counting down the time until I finish work and can go straight to the bottlo.
Sorry for the long post, I tend to ramble a lot
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 223
Hey DarkFaith, welcome aboard. Please don't be too hard on yourself, you've come to the right place. There are lots of wonderful, brilliantly intelligent, compassionate, patient, kind and amazing people on these boards and they've pulled me out of desparate despair on more that a few occassions. Keep coming here, post, read, tell your story and listen to others, you will find a truth here you never thought possible. I am a mother of 3 young children and I went to my first AA meeting this week. I was terrified of going and of seeing someone there I knew. My husband has no idea of the extent of my problem and ultimately it was the fear of the future, not seeing my kids grow up and get married, not see them have their own children and generally the fear of being a hopeless shameful drunk who was either dead or at the very least useless to them that was my rock bottom. So it was the love of my children that carried me through the doors of AA and instead of it being that awful scary horrible experience, it was like coming home. Please consider going to a meeting, the people there will welcome you with open arms and hearts. You can do this, don't give up on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Welcome to SR darkfaith.
There are many here that have experienced that we drank partly because of depression, to find out the depression lifted a lot when we stopped drinking.
Take one day of the time and do not be hard on yourself.
You can quit, it is hard at times – it can be done. It is worth it.
There are many here that have experienced that we drank partly because of depression, to find out the depression lifted a lot when we stopped drinking.
Take one day of the time and do not be hard on yourself.
You can quit, it is hard at times – it can be done. It is worth it.
to SR! You've come to the right place for support when getting sober. Come here often and read and post. You can do this! Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome darkfaith, i didn't think i would be able to quit either, but i did. I have been sober for just over a year now. Taking it one day at a time helped me a lot in the beginning. Once you get through the tough early days it starts to get a little easier. There is tons of support here. You can do it. Glad you have joined us. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Quitting seems insurmountable at times, especially when one is in the midst of drinking. But you only have to spend half an hour here reading the stories of all the people who were in the same impossible seeming spot but who managed to get out from under it. That includes me!
Life really is much much better sober, no matter what your addiction will be telling you to the contrary You can do it if you put your mind to it!
Life really is much much better sober, no matter what your addiction will be telling you to the contrary You can do it if you put your mind to it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 112
Thanks so much for the replies and support, I managed to drive straight home from work and bypass the bottlo. Or my second home as my friends joke (if only they knew).
I've been in edge since getting home and can't seem to stay in one place for more than 5 mins without feeling like something is missing. But am determined to get through today. And will see how I go tomorrow.
Defiantly coming on here and reading posts and peoples stories is helping so much already.
I've been in edge since getting home and can't seem to stay in one place for more than 5 mins without feeling like something is missing. But am determined to get through today. And will see how I go tomorrow.
Defiantly coming on here and reading posts and peoples stories is helping so much already.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 99
Well done you! Good achievement driving straight home. I know how that feels (I drive a different way home now). Pat on the back and you will feel great tomorrow. Welcome and keep reading here. I have been over the last few days and it has been a great help. Everyone is so supportive. :-).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
Welcome darkfaith,
Well done on by passing the liquor store. I felt very anxious when I first stopped drinking ( June 2012) and had to change up my daily routine...which was cracking open a bottle of wine around 4 pm. I was agitated and had to keep moving....took long walks, ran errands.....cleaned the house. For me, if I could make it a couple of hours, I could settle down....watch tv etc......go to bed early, and anticipate a sober morning with coffee
This is just what helped me, so think about how you could change your routine a bit. Having the support of your husband is wonderful....have you tole him you'd like to stop?
Well done on by passing the liquor store. I felt very anxious when I first stopped drinking ( June 2012) and had to change up my daily routine...which was cracking open a bottle of wine around 4 pm. I was agitated and had to keep moving....took long walks, ran errands.....cleaned the house. For me, if I could make it a couple of hours, I could settle down....watch tv etc......go to bed early, and anticipate a sober morning with coffee
This is just what helped me, so think about how you could change your routine a bit. Having the support of your husband is wonderful....have you tole him you'd like to stop?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
darkfaith, good job coming straight home, what you are doing is so important. many here can relate to depression, but, contrary to our mixed up brains, drinking NEVER did help with our depression, it just prolonged it. welcome, keep posting! You can do this
may want to join the october class and since it is friday, and you are on day 2, the weekend thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...8-19-20-a.html
may want to join the october class and since it is friday, and you are on day 2, the weekend thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...8-19-20-a.html
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome and congratulations on your decision not to drink today. If you hang around SR for very long you will find that is possible to quit drinking and have a life better than anything you can imagine. The alternative is things just slowly but surely keep getting worse.
AA worked for me because it addressed the psychological, social, and spiritual aspects of my life that were lacking. All of the problems you mentioned alcohol is known to cause
Regardless of the path of recovery you choose doing it on your own is very difficult and in my case it was impossible. I had to have outside support.
The only thing you have to do is stay sober today
AA worked for me because it addressed the psychological, social, and spiritual aspects of my life that were lacking. All of the problems you mentioned alcohol is known to cause
Regardless of the path of recovery you choose doing it on your own is very difficult and in my case it was impossible. I had to have outside support.
The only thing you have to do is stay sober today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 112
Survived day 3 and my first sober weekend. Feels strange (but good ) to wake up on a Monday morning sober and not hungover.
I have 100% support from my husband which is a blessing, he has seen me at my worst and has still stuck by me. He is a social drinker and can choose when he wants to drink and when he's had enough and wants to stop. He doesn't completely understand why I can't control my drinking but he is behind me in whatever I want to do.
Here's to another 24 hours sober.
I have 100% support from my husband which is a blessing, he has seen me at my worst and has still stuck by me. He is a social drinker and can choose when he wants to drink and when he's had enough and wants to stop. He doesn't completely understand why I can't control my drinking but he is behind me in whatever I want to do.
Here's to another 24 hours sober.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi DarkFaith and welcome I can relate to a lot of what you have/are going through as have been through 2 pregnancy losses. The last one just this time last year. Drinking only delays the grieving and worsens the sadness. I am 81 days sober now, thanks to this forum (and my supportive husband). You can do this too! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I think I saw you on the Moms thread??? Stay close to SR and post a lot, especially when you are struggling. We all understand and are here for you. ((HUGS))
I can relate to a lot of what you have/are going through as have been through 2 pregnancy losses. The last one just this time last year. Drinking only delays the grieving and worsens the sadness. I am 81 days sober now, thanks to this forum (and my supportive husband). You can do this too! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I think I saw you on the Moms thread??? Stay close to SR and post a lot, especially when you are struggling. We all understand and are here for you. ((HUGS))
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