cdonaldson

The last time I wrote myself off was Saturday night, 4 nights ago. The thought of never drinking alcohol again scares me to death. It's the only way I've ever known how to do what I thought was fun. It's going over and over in my head all day and all night about what I am going to do without it. I'm a very shy person and I enjoyed being the confident person I was while drinking, I'll never have that confidence again. My anxiety has gotten worse due to thinking about it over and over. I keep thinking everyone is against me and is looking down on me for making this choice. I feel weak that I can't handle alcohol when most people I know can. I'm glad the one person that is truly supportive is my husband to be. Why am I feeling so depressed and anxious knowing I can't drink again. I feel like I'm not me anymore. I feel like I know longer have a life. Depression has definitely kicked in.

Pondlady

I'm glad you have the support of your husband....that is huge. Talk things over with him, it might help.

I was confused in early sobriety....I knew I had to admit that I'd never drink again....but that made me upset. I used distraction a lot - walking, running errands etc....anything to get my mind off my routine of opening a bottle of wine around 4 pm.

It's been 16 months now, and I don't miss it at all. I'm comfortable with myself and my flaws. I still have anxiety and depression, but cope with it in different ways...not drinking. I'm not sure when this change happened....not all at one.......but yes, it does get easier

pinkdog

Hi cdonalson, welcome. YES. It does get better. Withdrawals are a time of anxiety. Your body is going thru alot getting the toxins out. Also changing your lifestyle takes time to adjust. Take it a day at a time as everyone will tell you. It is worth it. Best wishes.

Mirage74

What you are feeling is normal so early in sobriety. You are mourning the loss of your best friend, alcohol. All I can tell you is that it gets better. If you stick it out, you will be amazed how differently you feel in just a few weeks. Congrats on 4 days!

Amajorityofone

Friend-

Yes, it does get easier. This assumes, of course, that your thoughts continue to remain focused on the benefits of sobriety, and not the detriments of alcoholism.

My advice?
Do yourself a favor and confine your thoughts to the present. All we will ever have to do, is not drink today.

Good luck and God Bless

cdonaldson

All you people make me feel so much better about myself. Thank you my friends.

MidnightBlue

HI, there.

Absolutely. It does get easier. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't compare yourself to others. Focus on your sobriety - eventually everything will fall in its place, just give it some time.

aasharon90

Your quiet confidence will return because
thru a program of recovery you learn and
begin to incorporate tools and knowledge
of your addiction in ur everyday life, you
will, like many before you now have a purpose
in life.

That purpose will be an advocate sharing
your own experiences, strengths and hopes
with others that will follow, of what your
life was and is like before, during and after
alcohol or drugs.

In doing so, you will begin to know a freedom
and serenity like no other. An inner strength
and quiet confidence filled with graditude that
you can live alcohol free for many years to
come.

resolute50

You have the support of your husband and us here on SR.
Screw the rest of them.

FeelingGreat

Hi CD, it takes a while for the benefits to kick; you're only a baby right now, but you'll love sobriety once you realise how much better it is not to feel ashamed of yourself.
I'm just like you in that I loved drinking because it gave me self-confidence except it eventually became an addiction and almost all of my drinking was done alone.
Don't focus on the giving up forever; why not set yourself some goals that you can achieve quickly. My original goals were 1 week, six weeks, six months etc. By then I didn't want to go back to my old lifestyle.

Mentium

The thought of not ever drinking again scares you to death? Let me tell you that the thought of EVER drinking again is beginning to scare me to death!

It is addiction which makes you feel lie that pure and simple. Get out from under the pull of the drug that is alcohol and you really won't feel like that!

..and the depression will pass. Sadly it is par for the course.

serious

you fill find confidence in you not in glass of beer.
you will be free from obsessing over a drink.
you are going to get better on your own terms, not based on your addiction.

and never compare yourself to others. you really don't know their afflictions and struggles.
just try to be a little bit better today, than you were yesterday.

and YES it does get easier. life will still happen and you will learn to deal with things sober not under influence. have your been free from addiction? it's a very powerful feeling ... freedom.

stretch28

I no how u feel I feel the se way like I'm boring I can't have a conversation an I feel very depressed I'm only 4 days clean an I think about football this Sunday I always drink then I'm just hoping it gets better

cdonaldson

I'm going for a holiday in November which will be a struggle. I've always thought of holidays as in sun, relaxation and cocktails. I keep thinking to myself "I'm sure 1 or 2 won't hurt?", then I move on go thinking about Christmas and NYE and friends birthdays. It's so tiring thinking so hard about all of this. I wish I could just switch my brain off.

zoey09

Just a couple month ago I couldn't string together more than 2 weeks sober. I couldn't be in a group of people and feel comfortable without being drunk. I didn't do much without being drunk or high, it was what I did thru the good, the bad and the boring.

I have 50+ days sober today, and it feels amazing. But it also feels really awkward sometimes. And sober vacations and holidays are definitely daunting...

It's like I'm relearning to live again, and doing it without a drink in my hand. It's empowering though, knowing that I don't need that drink to talk to people, be around people or have fun. Truth is I'm having more fun now, a natural fun i I forgot existed.

Best of luck to you, this gets easier with time.

Anna

Try to shift your thinking to doing fun things that don't involve alcohol.

What kind of a holiday are you taking? Can you do lots of sight-seeing and walking, trying out new coffee shops, whatever would be fun for you?

FeelingGreat

I recently holidayed in Bali and discovered some awesome mocktails. It's not as hard as you think if you have a nice non-alcoholic drink on hand, and you'll feel much better afterwards.

CaliButterfly

I can relate to the thought of, oh really, never again? It used to scare me too. I'm also an introvert and the alcohol gave me confidence that I didn't know I had. But you know what? Alcohol enhances a personality you already have. You ARE a wonderful, confident person already and you don't need the reassurance of alcohol to confirm what you already know inside you. Believe in yourself and trust what your husband already knows to be true. As you continue to stay sober, you will realize that you don't need it to be happy. There will be good days and bad days, but you will be actually living, not numbing yourself to all the wonderful experiences that sobriety will allow you to have. Hang in there and live today. Don't stress about tomorrow because it hasn't happened yet. You can do this! :-)

cdonaldson

Wow just reading all these msgs have given me the strength to not go to the pub with my friends in my lunch break for a drink even though I was invited. Was very difficult but I felt good! When they came back I looked at my bank account and was proud. Little things like that feel good. Thank you everyone for your words x

SereneEdition

Welcome cd -

Congrats on making a good choice at lunch. First week was the hardest for me. Living sober brings a lot of little moments of feeling good. You'll be in a different place of by Nov, so I wouldn't worry about the holidays until they arrive. In the meantime, enjoy living day by day.