Toomutch

My soon to be ex husband texted me this morning telling me he was in a bad accident and was t boned. He is in the emergency room having cat scans, mri etc. I felt worried so I texted my boyfriend and told him that my ex was in a terrible accident, now he wont respond to my texts or phone calls and I know it's because I was worried about my ex.

Turns out my ex got out of his truck and walked from the truck, which was hit on the passenger rear side. He called my step son to pick him up. My step son said everything is fine with the exception of bruising on his side.

So I fell for his crap of wanting sympathy and now my boyfriend won't even speak to me, return texts etc.... I have so much trouble with panic attacks already and now I'm sweating, my heart is racing and of course I'm feeling like drinking. Just to escape this terrible feeling.

Why do I allow people to play these little games with me. I don't even feel like I did anything wrong and yet I'm feeling so guilty.

SkyeSea

Not sure how to put this, but why is your bf worried about you being concerned about your ex? Also, are you SURE that's why he's not responding? I ask because when I get wound up / panicky, I tend to 'jump to conclusions'

Threshold

Hugs, your day certainly has been an emotional roller coaster.

I'm glad he's fine, sorry he used it as an opportunity to "play" you.

Everyone has their sensitive days and areas and sounds like BF is having one of those. I can get unreasonably jealous or insecure when my BF talks about his ex GF. I try not to take it out on him, but...

I'm glad you posted here instead of drinking. Chances are good that BF will be fine in a few hours.

Maybe try some breathing exercises to help beat the panic attack and out of control feeling. What helps me a LOT is to go online and find photos of the big wide world or watch a nature documentary on youtube...to remind me that there is a huge world out there and put me back into perspective. Panic and relationship issues send me into tunnel vision.

I think your reaction to the news of the crash was normal and natural. You can't be responsible for how it affects your BF

Nuudawn

Sounds like your the emotional pawn in both scenarios. He is your ex and he is a human being who shared part of your journey. Of course, you would be concerned and of course, in your concern you would want to "share" your anxiety or distress with your significant other.

If your BF is in fact being a bit pouty, well that's his deal to work through. But as Skye says..maybe he is just indisposed and you are jumping to conclusions (I too tend to do that).

You did NOTHING wrong. If your BF is having an "emotional issue" about it, I do hope he is able to articulate that to you (and own it) so you guys can work it out in a mature manner. He has a right to his feelings...he does not have a right to "punish" you over HIS feelings though.

resolute50

Sounds like you fall for men that act like children.
No need to drink because of their stupidity.
Just let it play out. I would be changing my number so X can't be getting a hold of me unless it's a REAL emergency regarding the divorce.

SkyeSea

^^^^ what he said!!

PS One other thing I've been known to do, looking back, was imagine drama, where there was none, as an excuse to drink. Sometimes when the AV is sitting on your shoulder and whispering in your ear, it confuses a whole lot of things. x

Toomutch

Yep, he left that phone in the truck. I feel like an idiot... I called, him and texted him over and over. He couldn't believe I was freaking out so bad.

I feel so relieved now but realize how insecure and anxiety ridden I am a lot of the time, my emotions are everywhere. I am like a light switch.

SkyeSea

Hey, you're human, that's all x Glad things have resolved x x

Toomutch

I told him 3 weeks ago that I would only talk to him about the divorce, bankruptsy and the house.This was one of his many ways that he has tried to get me to respond to him about other matters and I keep falling for it.

DoubleDragons

I do the same thing, TooMutch, always jumping to the worst conclusion. I got a priority package from the Federal Government today, and right away panicked, felt the pit in my stomach, etc. etc. It turned out to be my renewed passport. (guess some functions of the gov are still working) Anyway, we need to start retraining ourselves to expect the best!

resolute50

Fool me once,shame on you.
Fool me twice,shame on me.

Toomutch

I agree... Shame on me, because I have allowed it to happen more than once.

least

You've certainly had a busy day. I hope the anxiety calms down soon.

Notmyrealname

If you picked up you'd just have one more thing on your plate to worry about. Keep it simple, stay sober.

Toomutch

I agree with you, and some days I do. Hopefully today will be one of those days. It's hard to know if these mood fluctuations are due to hormones, my being bi polar and perhaps needing my meds changed or becoming sober. Could be all of the above, wish I knew.

MythOfSisyphus

Getting divorced and getting sober have a lot of parallels. In both, the early days are the most dangerous. The lure of the old is very strong and it's easy to slip back into familiar patterns. Years ago when I was getting divorced my ex and I would have big fights and not speak for a while, then she'd call me crying or show up at my job. Really hard to deal with. Eventually I decided to move. I had my stuff packed and was backing out of the driveway when she pulled in and asked me why I was going...blew a gasket when I told her I was moving 350 miles to get away from the drama.

That was back before cell phones, so at least I didn't have to face the drama of constant texts, Facebook stalking, etc.

Funny, now 20-odd years later we're friends. Just takes time to heal and space to make your own life.