Amberrrx0x3

I just try to be there for him but from a distance. Him and I both know he needs to help himself before he works on our relationship. This past 3 months have been the worse. Before that he never had such horrible thoughts. He doesn't depend on me to fix his problems he knows he has to face his demons himself. I am here as a friend right now and nothing more... I care and love him a lot but this is a losing situation for me. I can't fix him. I guess I should just be happy that I am healthy and that I don't have this horrible disease.

Amberrrx0x3

I thought over time it would get easy to get into this new routine of living back at home, and waking up alone and going to bed alone... but it seems as if it is getting harder. All day yesterday i found myself at home. I took some of your advice and let him know how unfair this is to me... him asking me to marry him, me planning a wedding, i really thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I just keep looking back at the amazing 6 years we had together, and think of how this year, how it went so wrong. He wont admit to me that he got addicted to another serious drug. He gives me hints like "i just need time to stay clean, i need time to focus on myself and get better" and his sister emails me all the time telling me that he is struggling and needs to get back to the old happy person he once was. He tells me, and everyone else, he still loves me but he needs this. Dealing with this broken heart is just really hard on me. Everyone's advice on here has been extremely helpful and getting me through this difficult time. I have taken little pieces of everyone's advice. I know i need to take care of myself, and i have been... but my heart is just so broken. It is the hardest thing to deal with a broken heart. I would rather deal with physical pain then emotional pain.

Fandy

it's not only unfair to you, it's extremely immature on his part. I stick with what I said before, you deserve an explanation! not a bunch of texts and emails telling you to be patient and "let him get clean", blahblahblah....talk is cheap.

His ACTIONS don't tell you the truth. if he were serious about his recovery he would own up to what he has done and tell you what his addiction actually is, what he did with your engagement ring and what he is doing to recover, get treatment or counseling. His family is keeping you dangling too...it is just so enabling of them to tell you this crap.

and that is what it is AN ADDICTION...( I do not subscribe to the disease theory, i'm the alcoholic, not a family member of one...I am 2+ years sober and happy).

How can you trust someone who has treated you like this, told you to leave your home, jerked you back and forth? Planning your wedding and being engaged should have been one of the happiest times of your life.

instead you are hurt, worried sick and constantly upset. Is there some counseling you are eligible for through your insurance? that might help you sort out your feelings too.

Renarde

I agree 100%. So sorry you are going through this. My wish for you is that you can break free from this relationship and be with a healthy person who treats you like a kind, beautiful, smart, and affectionate young woman deserves to be loved and treated. It sounds like he is absolutely not capable of that, at least at this time. I know you are feeling committed to see this through with him and I wish you the best with that too.

EndGameNYC

True, Fandy.

Sobriety is not what we say, it's what we do. Love is not what we say, it's what we do.

ReadyAtLast

I agree with the other recent posts. You deserve a real man who loves, cherishes and respects you and treats you properly. You will never find that man whilst you are wasting your life away on a man who is not worthy of you.

It really doesn't matter what you were like together as teenagers,peoplegrow apart and change. It's what matters now. You think you'll never have that 'love' again but you will. You'll look back in years to come when you meet someone who truly loves and cherishes you and be surprised at how much you put up with.

People only continue to treat us badly,without respect,kindness and thoughtfulness when we allow them to.He will continue to treat you with a total lack of respect and jumoing to his tune whenever he says so for as long as you allow him to

I hope you do not waste and throw away any more years of your life because you 'll look back when you're 40 and truly regret it.

robgt350

that is about the best thing you can do. i think you need to let him take himself where he wants to go because you cannot stop him. only he can. any why let him drag you to all these negative places. what happens if he get into trouble with the law,, you might find your self next to him. where i work i see that so many times, a love one sticking up for, or standing next too and they get caught up in trouble with. now they have a record for life.

that is what us addicts do. we destroy and place at risk all that we love, worked for, and care for for to feed our addiction. it seems like we do not care who we hurt or how bad. us addicts just want to feed out addiction at all cost, which sad to say includes to ones who loves us most.

if i was in your shoes, i would take a break from him for a certain amount of time, such as 2 or 3 months. this time i would focus on you and you only and try to solve the problems that he might have caused in you by his addiction. as you know part of some solution, come with new ideas and solutions.
you sound like a very caring, loving, and concerned loved on who want to continue loving your BF. i take my hat off for you on that. but your BF is the only one who can stop his addiction not you, NA, AA, not even prison.

LillianGish

Hi amber,
A sad heart takes time to heal. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you dodged a huge bullet by not marrying this man.

You've been handed a very big mess and it's unfair to you. If finding out the truth (if you are able to get it) helps you, go for it.

I think this whole situation is beneath you though. You are strong, smart and caring and you deserve someone better. He's shown you who he is now....believe him. Whatever the real story is...it isn't a good one. He's behaved like a drug addict....abusing drugs and abusing the people around him.

At the end of the day, that heart of yours is still going to be broken. So, the question is ~ what do YOU need to get unstuck and start moving forward to put your life back together on your own?

The man who deserves you, is out there in that big world. And when you meet him, you are going to be so thankful you said goodbye to this guy.

Big hugs.

hellomynameis

I might suggestion getting involved with al anon or nar anon family groups in your area. They can help you work your own program to get well from this.