Anna

I hope you do the right thing for you and your children. That has to be your priority.

Your husband will need to seek help for his addiction when he is ready to do so.

longbeachone

Notsoperfect, I'm nearly speechless, which is saying a lot for me. In your posts, I learned a lot about your husband, who may be brilliant but sounds quite frankly, like he is off his rocker. The only thing I learned about you is that you are scared to death of leaving this man. Maybe Co-Dependent?
I'll say what I'm saying as a mom who has raised five children, I've no other credentials: Get your kids out of this situation immediately. Your husband is shooting morphine! Who cares if he goes to their games!

You are worth more than this. You deserve a husband who puts you first. Who loves you and wants to spend time with you. Alright, so if you can't leave him for good, leave with your kids until he completes a detox and inpatient rehab. Do you allow him to drive with your kids in the car? You say he has an unending supply of these drugs, but I doubt that he is acquiring them legally. Are you prepared for his eventual arrest for buying or stealing drugs? Because it's just a matter of time. Are you ready to lose everything paying for lawyers, paying malpractice judgements? I want you to start thinking about your future, and your kids futures too. It's time to be smart, not sentimental.

EndGameNYC

True. If it's surgery.

Physicians should never do surgery on family members, except in a dire emergency. Nor should psychotherapists work with family members in psychotherapy. There's just too much "stuff" between them, much of which remains hidden on both sides.

joygirl

Hi, notsoperfect! Welcome to SR.

What a spot you're in. I'm a mom, and a recovering opiate addict. I have three children.
I'm only speaking from my experience here. After 11 years, he's not only doing the drugs at night, or at home. They are in his system all the time. I'd be in withdrawal in the mornings if I didn't take my pills. And in the afternoon. And nighttime, and weekends.
They will show up in any drug detection test for days to weeks. The drugs are always in his system. Even when he is at work. And when he operates. And when he operates on you.
Also, you didn't state your children's ages, but unless they have never left your house, they know something is amiss with daddy. They may not speak of it, because children internalize things. And they often blame themselves. They see how other daddies behave and will wonder why their daddy is different, and is it their fault? And they respond to this different ways. My children always tried to be "good". One developed anxiety and depression. Another became a perfectionist, always trying to please me. We have gotten them professional help and they are doing well. But, look what my addiction did to them! Look what I did to them. We are recovering because I chose recovery. I forever have to live with guilt and regret. But I'm learning to do that.
Put your children first. Think of their needs before your husband's comfort and desires. And put yourself before him, too. I hope your family is okay. You need help.

Nuudawn

This is a heartbreaking post. You have been under extreme emotional duress for a long time. I am reminded of the frog in hot water story. You put a frog in hot water...he will immediately jump out. But you put that frog in cool water and slowly turn up the heat, he will acclimatize and boil to death. Damage has been done to your psyche and likely your self worth/esteem. You need to find support (both peer and professional in my mind) and in doing so will find the strength to extricate yourself and your kids from this situation. Addiction has hijacked love, respect and normalcy here. It is no secret that children tend to recreate their family situations when they go out in the world...this is the model they are seeing? It is not a healthy one or one you would likely want them to endure when they grow up and make their own romantic choices.

You need to leave him to figure his own self out. And you need to save yourself and your children.

Deckard

Completely agree. Even simply prescribing medication to a family member is inappropriate. Surgery is essentially unthinkable. If true, this is evidence of some seriously flawed judgement, perhaps also now affecting the professional realm.