Originally Posted by jstar

So my husband told me last night that we were going to a bbq today at one of his work friends house today. He said there would probably be alcohol at the bbq but we should go anyways. He said he was tired of feeling like our life is on hold and that I can't avoid situations where there is alcohol forever. I have 44 days sober today. I was nervous all last night and this morning anticipating having to be around alcohol today. Not that I thought I would grab a glass and drink it, but that it would screw with my head. Well it did screw with my head we were there 6 hours...way too long for my liking. Almost everyone was drinking except me, my husband and one other lady. And...several of the people were also smoking pot, right in the open in front of everyone. I guess I was the only one that was bothered by it. Anyways I guess I'm just feeling extremely discontented about the whole situation. I didn't drink but I sure wanted to the entire time. Sorry if this post is long, I'm just feeling super crazy and lonely right now. I feel like I couldn't have a good time sober and I couldn't get drunk either. So frustrated. I'm having that "why am I even doing all this recovery crap" conversation with myself. ..again, for the millionth time. Ugh...all I can do is cry

Originally Posted by Fandy

maybe the mentality of those at the party and nasty gossip bothered you most of all?
i don't know the age bracket or type of people, but it sounds boring and the hosts should consider all of their guests needs....the party seems to be centered around booze and pot...juvenile?
gossiping about someone who got help for a problem is just rude.

Originally Posted by hypochondriac

Y'know I am still not sure I have fully accepted mine either, but the thing is you don't have to to stay sober. I know that my acceptance has increased with more sober time though. I totally stand by the logic that sobriety is something you have to have in order to want it. Fake it til you make it and all that

You did well at the bbq under difficult circumstances Jstar so you should be congratulating yourself. Now you know how unpleasant things like that can be for you you can avoid them in future but then you also know that you can cope if you need to.

Originally Posted by EndGameNYC

If they were satisfied with their own drinking habits and weren't on some level concerned about their own drinking, this would never have occurred. People who can drink safely don't trash people who struggle with alcohol in this way. The exception to this is people who carry a diagnosis of "Big Jerk."

Originally Posted by Nighthawk8820

Yeah, you might have to divorce him and move on. It sounds like he is pretty self involved and has his own substance issues going on. You need to decide if you can honestly see a future with this person, and keep in mind the lack of support he is showing you. To me, viewing from the outside, the choice is clear........but only you can make that decision for yourself.

Originally Posted by jstar

It's so silly cause I went to make him happy and in turn I was miserable the whole time. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. I was actually surprised that he wanted to go in the first place, totally not like him at all. He is usually very supportive and if I had said I wanted to stay home he probably would have gone without me, but I was trying to please him ya know?

Originally Posted by LadyinBC

First good on you for not giving in and congrats on 44 days Jstar! That is awesome!

I am a people pleaser and everyone elses happiness and needs always came before my own. I'm no longer obligated to do things that make me feel uncomfortable or put me in a compromising situation when it comes to the alcohol.

My mind frame now is that nothing or no one can be more important than my sobriety. Because if I don't have that, I will have nothing.