warrens

Am cheering you on, Suzette. Our anger towards others is really disgust with ourselves, I think.

Cunning, baffling, powerful. How we in AA refer to our disease. It never stops while we are sober, only the symptoms do.

Let's pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and do it all over again. Only this time armed with a bit more knowledge of the beast.

warren

Ludo

I can't believe how any people are sharing that they had literally "years" under their belts but tried to moderate and slipped and burned... It's so scary how gripping this awful alcoholism is and how it's dressed up in pretty bottles with funny adverts, made to look fun and sophisticated and happy and relaxing and sometimes it tastes so good but it's just evil disguised...

Day 2 for me, not drinking but not feeling very strong either, I wish alcohol was not invented and not available : ((((

Lenina

((((toomutch))))

I've so often thought about you and how you might be getting along! I went out after eleven years, this is a tricky and life long disease. I now am sober over five years, coming up on six! you can recover! Stick close to us. I'm so glad to know you found new love!

much love from Lenina

hypochondriac

Glad you came back TM Where there things that helped you stay sober before? 5 years is an amazing achievement and it is sounds like this could just be a minor blip x

IOAA2

TM I'm truly saddened by your struggle with this disease but thank you for posting as it shows us that with time under belts we're still not immune to alcohol. I know it's easy, at the far end of a wire to make suggestions. I think you know what's needed and hope you are able to get ahold of what you had again. BE WELL

Badga

Abstinent for 14 years, 'hooked' eight years, abstinent 6 months, hooked 6 months, found SR....hoorah! Have stopped, albeit only since 1 September (6 days), but loving SR, which is really helping me. I don't want to slip back as I recognise that sobriety is such a precious thing.

You are in the right place here.

CuteNGayYay

Welcome back

Marcher13

Toomutch thank you for your post. Five years of sobriety seems so huge as I move towards six months, yet your post reminds me that this isn't a "for a while" thing, this is for life. Welcome back to SR and good on you for your bravely honest post.

Emily2002

Never thought of it this way.

instant

TM glad you have the courage to address this now- and that you are back with us

afloatsober

We can support you.
Nobody here can do it for you.
My loved ones begged me, nagged me, loved me,left me, praised me, thanked me, said they hated me, screamed at me, told me i was making them ill (this was true in some cases),hit me, hugged me, threatened me. TO GET ME SOBER.

All i cared bout was my alcohol when push came to shove.

Nothing was ever going to work until i decided that i had had enough of the hell that i was living in.

I put the cork in the bottle to save my life and just for today am surrounded by hope and smiles.

I don't intend to drink again.

Do it for you before it is too late.

GX

flutter

Hey stranger! I've been wondering about you! Knowing your history I want to congratulate you on the strength to get out of that stinkin' marriage..that was so unhealthy for you (I hope you don't feel I'm out of line!). That sucks that you picked back up, but you know how to get back on track, I know you do. Let me know if I can do anything to help!

DylanS

Welcome back, TM. Man, thanks to everyone who posted about relapse after being sober for a while. I, too, have had to make that journey (12 years sober in AA, lasted 2 more years on my own, then started to question my belief that I was alcoholic. I was going to try drinking and go right back to AA if my experiment didn't work. I was 'out there' for 13 years and am just now closing in on 30 days sober/clean.

I'm reminded of something from the AA text: 'There must be no lurking notion that we will someday be immune to alcohol...' (that's a total paraphrase, not a direct quote). Sure enough, after a period of time, my brain serves up that 'lurking notion'.

"The idea that he will somehow, someday control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." I always thought that 'obsession' meant that I was thinking about it all the time, but as it turns out, it was hidden...and I fell victim to that belief.

I agree: cunning, baffling, powerful. It is, indeed, a subtle foe.

Thanks again, and welcome back again, TM.

Bird615

I remember hearing in my early sobriety about an old-timer that went back out after 20-something years, and how quickly he went downhill. I also remember feeling some sort of awe that someone with that much sobriety could go back like that.

And then what do you know, years later, I go and do the same thing! I can't say I 'slipped', though. I contemplated it for about 5 years before I did it, and having no more support system through meetings or sober friends contributed greatly to that.

It's so true: "Cunning, baffling and powerful" and how patiently the addiction will wait.

360shoes

Me too TM.

Had it, gave it up, picked it back up, gave it up again. A lot of things can be better the next time around. If nothing else, I learned that I never have to question which life is better. I know for a fact which one is now.

No time like the present to be our best selves!

Welcome back.

warrens

Let this be a lesson to all newly sober. The disease never stops! Oh, the cravings stop, the obsession can and does stop. When it does, however, is a MOST CRITICAL time! For it is then we can be fooled into thinking that surely we can drink like a normal person.

The real alcoholic (in this case, me) will find out soon or find out later, that we can never change the end of the movie!! We can try to change the director, the cinematographer, the costume designer, but the ending is ALWAYS tragic!

I have finally accepted this. Not only have I accepted this immutable fact, I no longer feel sorry for myself that I can't enjoy a drinking normally. If that is the tradeoff I make to live this joyous life, BIG DEAL! Warren is through putting his hand on the stove and expecting it to feel good this time.

Find the joy in the moment,

Warren