AugustWest11

Just can't seem to focus . Figured I would post seeing as I have a great urge to go grab a few. Turned into a nice sunny day. A beer or 2 wouldn't hurt. What a shame though it wouldn't be just 2 .. Strangely I am saddened by that fact; that I can't just have a couple to take the edge off.
AW

ScottFromWI

I had concentration issues like that for quite a while when I first quit too. It would be like I'd real a paragraph and then suddenly i'd realize I didn't even remember what I just read.

It takes time AW - but it gets better. The absolute worst thing you can do is drink though...it "resets" any progress you've made instantly back to square one. Sometimes even worse than square one.

Do some busy work, take a walk, organize some books, whatever - just don't drink.

IOAA2

If it were me I'd say my insanity is talking to me. "Just say NO" BE WELL

ZoeM

I'm starting to wonder if there's something in the air, or if it's a full moon or something, as a fair few of us are struggling today.
I understand what you mean about feeling sad that you can't have a couple.. but if you think of it as a breakup - even a breakup following a BAD relationship, stings for a while.
It helps me to think of it like that, hope it helps you too.

lorelei

Hi aw, good idea to post, keep busy, sadly we can't just have 2..would be nice, but isn't possible for us, is there anything else you can plan to do a nice non alc treat? X

DayTrader

Not strange at all. Quite normal for an alkie. Booze becomes a love....and we have a love affair with it. It becomes a solution to a lot of problems and a way of life. Giving it up is scary.....and it's ok to grieve it.

Like any dysfunctional relationship though, if it doesn't change, it continues as it is.....causing damage and havoc all over the place.

jaynie04

Zoe, maybe it is a full moon....I don't know. I feel stuck. I am just unmotivated. I am not about to pick up but I just feel blah. I have even just sat in my blahness for the last few days and let it wash over me.

The good thing is I'm not craving a drink. The bad thing is, I don't know what I'm craving. My daughter goes back to school tomorrow, so I kind of feel like I am in a self imposed holding pattern. I am just restless.

AugustWest11

I'm fighting it; and it is a long walk to the Packie to get some beers anyway so that is a plus lol But the urge is just nagging me .. I should be doing things around here but my head is so clustered w\ other issues it freezes me up .. and I just sit here feeling sorry for myself drinking coffee .. Not to mention being a procrastinator does not help at all .. I am trying to "relearn" or should I say LEARN the right way to be a grown man; since I been pretty much drunk\stoned\wasted since I was 13; and it is a rough road I am on right now things the way they are here .. Just 2 would be nice though *sigh*

ZoeM

Jaynie - that's exactly how I was - 'restless'. Have had a long bubble bath and something to eat and a lot better now. Relieved I didn't cave in.
Hang in there

ScottFromWI

You know that's a load of BS. You won't have two, and it won't be nice.

A while back you mentioned you were going to see a counselor - did you go? We all have underlying issues that we need to confront once we get sober. Perhaps working through some of those issues will help in other areas of your life.

AugustWest11

Thanx Scott; I know it is BS .. I do, hence I have not made a move out of my PC chair to go get "just 2" lol I can't see a counsler unless I pay out of pocket for it until My Insurance here is Ok'ed .. There is a review for it once a year and that just happens to be now .. But I should be hearing something very soon .. It has been a couple weeks .. Last time though it took 2 months cause they "lost" the paper work .. But am calling by the end of the week b\c I have proof when they got my forms and all cause My Ex. is a smart cookie and sent it registered mail so someone there would HAVE to sign for it lol

DayTrader

My last day drinking was 3 or 4 beers purposely spread over about 3 hours. I made the deal with myself that I'd drink at exactly the same pace as a guy I knew was a "normal drinker."

I can only share what "just two" (or three or four spread out over a long time so you don't get annnnny buzz or feeling from them at all) feels like: it's like having sex - but you only get two pumps. Then you walk away. Satisfying.......? hell no.

Your alcoholism knows you though. It knows that if it can convince you to drink two, it's probably got a 90% chance at getting you to do a whole lot more. Don't ignore it.....don't try to stuff the voice. Listen to it. Not take it's advice...lol....but hear it. Listen to how it wispers, how it sweet-talks, how it sounds so soothing...... Know thy enemy. Get to know how it comes to you, how it talks to you, how it tries to work it's demands into your life.

AugustWest11

Ohhh I know me well enough like Scott said; Just 2 is BS so I am not caving just biding my time till my "window" closes lol Just trying to get my butt up an motivated to do SOMETHING right now is hard ...

ScottFromWI

So in the meantime, have you tried AA or or any of the secular/self paced methods? Those things are all free and cost nothing out of your pocket other than a little time.

AugustWest11

And it involves dealing w\ people lol ... I am a freak Scott lol I don't like groups of more then 2 .. I get real bad anxiety attacks and start to hyperventilate. 1 of the major concerns I want to speak to a Counsler about. It's funny when I got beer I freaked the whole time till I got in the store cause they "knew" me; but if other customers came in I hid in the back til it was just me in there. 1 of the main reasons I walk home 3 miles evey morning; so I don't have to deal with people on the bus. He11 I just had to call my Doc. Billing department on the phone & started bugging . Taking deep breaths now just to type this. I am a basket case .. But, must stay sober & confront, conquer, & over come the last 29 years of NOT growing up\maturing probably. ? Thanx a lot Scott felt empowering in a small way to get that out.

ScottFromWI

AVRT and many of the secular methods are self-paced and individually managed, so you don't need to worry about dealing with people at all. It is good though that you see the need to work on that ( dealing with people ) as it will help with all facets of life.

But the bottom line i'm trying to get is that you need to try SOMETHING. Each suggestion for help I've given has been met with a reason why it WONT work for you. ( lack of funds, lack of dealing with people, lack of motivation, etc. ). It's not gonna work if you just sit home and simply try to "not drink".

Nuudawn

I wonder how many of us feel so darn "conspicuous" in this world that alcohol helps us hide. One of the worst cravings I endured was walking alone in a resort village where I was to attend a music event. I felt like I was walking around with a giant "loser" sign on my forehead...like everyone knew I was "alone". Later, I realized...with a bit of a chuckle...how freaking self-involved I was. Like anybody noticed me? Like my presence is just so awesome that I was on everybody's radar and they were all pointing and laughing to themselves...look at that woman..all alone...she probably has no friends..poor thing. Ya..NO...I'm just not that freakin' noticeable. And for pete's sakes..like how would anybody know I didn't have a family back in the room and I was just stepping out to one of the stores? Yup..I was the star of a giant old major motion picture in my own head.

The truth is, I doubt anyone even noticed me in the throngs of folks walking about in their own mental motion pictures. Humbling actually.

AugustWest11

I hear ya, I have been reading odds & ends as well .. Will try & focus on AVRT . I have just isolated myself for so long, I think I DO need a friend or someone to at least bounce things off of. Hence I do enjoy your replies cause I know they are all the straight "dope" so to say .. thanx Scott.

13unluckyforsom

I had a cpn once who said exactly the same thing to me about my anxiety she was like 'Emily dont take this the wrong way but do you really think your that important that everyone's looking and talking about you' lol at first I though your a bit of a cheeky cow but in reality - walking down the street - in shops - anywhere - rarely do people even give a second glance or thought to you never mind waste time thinking about you lol

AugustWest11

I know I think that all the time; but I still start to freak Never happened to all the Dead shows I went to though :p Strange I know cause there were 50,000+ people there and it never phased me; but now I have isolated myself so much and all; I am just freaked by people .. That is why I work nights ..