This is hard. Really REALLY hard.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
hi AO...
i just got to this thread, and i read the whole thing with white knuckles and on the edge of my seat. i'm SO extremely glad you made it!!! well done, my friend...
as for those at the gathering who didn't ask how you were doing... i don't know. maybe they aren't alcoholics and have zero idea of what you barrelled through tonight? maybe they thought saying something would shine a light on it and make it worse? i have no idea... and i wish someone there would have given you some strength or care.
but, you're right... SR to the rescue!!! how freaking awesome is that? and... how freaking awesome are you for reaching out for help in the first place?
recovery at its absolute finest!!!
eat some chocolate or get some sleep, AO (or do one of your favorite things to relax)... you done good!!!!
i just got to this thread, and i read the whole thing with white knuckles and on the edge of my seat. i'm SO extremely glad you made it!!! well done, my friend...
as for those at the gathering who didn't ask how you were doing... i don't know. maybe they aren't alcoholics and have zero idea of what you barrelled through tonight? maybe they thought saying something would shine a light on it and make it worse? i have no idea... and i wish someone there would have given you some strength or care.
but, you're right... SR to the rescue!!! how freaking awesome is that? and... how freaking awesome are you for reaching out for help in the first place?
recovery at its absolute finest!!!
eat some chocolate or get some sleep, AO (or do one of your favorite things to relax)... you done good!!!!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
You know what, you are absolutely right. It's wrong of me to think along those lines. And thank you for pointing that out because I was getting progressively Angrier and angrier. But it was at my inability to do what everyone was else did, which is have a few and stop . I was kinda withdrawn for a bit. Definitely not my drunken silly self. Mature. Sober.
I didn't realize I was biting my lip so hard until it started to bleed.
4 weeks today. Got er done.
I didn't realize I was biting my lip so hard until it started to bleed.
4 weeks today. Got er done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Whew...like EM above, I was reading this through thinking, "Oh sh!t, please don't let her cave!!" and then thinking, "WHY is she in that situation?"
I know you've got a family AO and have those sorts of obligations and that I am sort of lucky that way since I can turn a lot more things down because it's only me saying no.
But sister of mine...BE CAREFUL! I went to my first party last night with old friends where I knew there was going to be a lot of booze and pot smoking going on. I was nervous as all get out about it but I made sure I had a time limit in my head---no matter what---of two hours. I also drove, got there before people got too wasted, and took a sober friend who knew what was going on with me. I wasn't tempted but I also know myself well enough to know that if I didn't have all that stuff in place, I could have been swayed. I am also six and a half months into this. I could have never, ever done that in super early on in sobriety.
You gotta look out for you first. And if your family and friends don't "get it" then too bad. Seriously. I am against being a selfish person in 99% of life but in this one area? Be selfish. This is your life, your health, your mental well-being. If someone gets their panties in a twist because you missed a BBQ? Eff it. The world will still turn, I promise.
And as much as they may empathize, non-drunks do not understand drunks. Well, maybe Al-Anons do but, on the whole, people who have a normal relationship with alcohol or no relationship with alcohol will never get it. I spent a good, long time being fairly ticked off at some friends and family members who didn't "get" what I was going through. "I'm freaking DYING over here? Can't you see that?!!" I wanted to scream. And they'd look at me like I was an alien.
Because, to them, I am.
We always have your back but please, please be very careful about putting yourself in those situations in the future. It's not weakness, it is self-preservation.
Glad you made it through and giving you a big virtual hug right now...now don't worry me like that again
Love ya.
I know you've got a family AO and have those sorts of obligations and that I am sort of lucky that way since I can turn a lot more things down because it's only me saying no.
But sister of mine...BE CAREFUL! I went to my first party last night with old friends where I knew there was going to be a lot of booze and pot smoking going on. I was nervous as all get out about it but I made sure I had a time limit in my head---no matter what---of two hours. I also drove, got there before people got too wasted, and took a sober friend who knew what was going on with me. I wasn't tempted but I also know myself well enough to know that if I didn't have all that stuff in place, I could have been swayed. I am also six and a half months into this. I could have never, ever done that in super early on in sobriety.
You gotta look out for you first. And if your family and friends don't "get it" then too bad. Seriously. I am against being a selfish person in 99% of life but in this one area? Be selfish. This is your life, your health, your mental well-being. If someone gets their panties in a twist because you missed a BBQ? Eff it. The world will still turn, I promise.
And as much as they may empathize, non-drunks do not understand drunks. Well, maybe Al-Anons do but, on the whole, people who have a normal relationship with alcohol or no relationship with alcohol will never get it. I spent a good, long time being fairly ticked off at some friends and family members who didn't "get" what I was going through. "I'm freaking DYING over here? Can't you see that?!!" I wanted to scream. And they'd look at me like I was an alien.
Because, to them, I am.
We always have your back but please, please be very careful about putting yourself in those situations in the future. It's not weakness, it is self-preservation.
Glad you made it through and giving you a big virtual hug right now...now don't worry me like that again
Love ya.
Last edited by Ptcapote; 09-01-2013 at 08:12 PM. Reason: Typo
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
You guys got me crying. I can't believe how much support there is here. How we touch each others hearts, crawl into each others souls and shoes, and arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder, forward we go (to quote the angel 
I'm so exhausted.
But it's so important for me to convey to all, how deeply grateful I am for you. Each and every one of you that energetically fought this sh!thole of a battle with me.
Recovering Alcoholics (1)
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XO. AO
I'm so exhausted.
But it's so important for me to convey to all, how deeply grateful I am for you. Each and every one of you that energetically fought this sh!thole of a battle with me.
Recovering Alcoholics (1)
Triggers (0)
XO. AO
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
How strange and curious it is that I had complete strangers taking time out of their lives, to send me warrior energy and help me fight through this. Yet not a single friend or family member, (and I've alcoholically come out to all of them) asked me how I was, offered me a water, etc.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
So glad you made 'er through Alpha. I remember the first time I posted here when I was really nervous bout slippin'...geez I was just gobsmacked by the cavalry of responses I received. I was really emotionally touched and well, fortified that I could maybe really do this with the help of all these strangers spread out over the globe!!...telling me to hang in there. It was an awesome thing. Glad you posted.
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