Devil vs. Angel shoulder debate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Titusville, Florida
Posts: 4
Devil vs. Angel shoulder debate
Hi!
I am so glad I found this site today! I've been drinking for about 20 years of and on. The past year my "on" has been auto pilot and I crashed. I haven't had a drink in 13 days and aside from some headaches,some desires for a cold one (which always leads to 12 or more) and some grouchy attitudes, I'm hanging in there. I've been taking it one day at a time, which can seem like an awfully long day sometimes! Today was the hardest day so far. My husband is still drinking and the sight of beer brought back old desires. I thought I was going to go insane! I was trying to distract myself and was going to leave the house to walk around antique shops but my gut told me to stay put and fight it, to many local watering holes on the way. I paced around with what seemed to be my whole body shaking and stressed and me getting very agitated with myself wondering why I couldn't drink just a couple and be done with them like other people do. I was really wanting to sit out by that pool with him like I used to and share an icy beer, but I knew at this turning point in my life it is and will be detrimental. I knew I needed to talk to someone who would understand, but I haven't been to AA, yet. I got on the computer and punched in 'how to stay sober' into the search and found this site. I have read alot of the forums and I have sat here laughing, crying and connecting and realized I had found not someone to talk to but a whole bunch of someone's! My desire has subsided, my pounding chest is not in my throat anymore and I am re-directed in thought. I'm not pacing but doing a happy dance in my heart now that I have found a place where I can fit in and others will be there to understand and help. I know that my decision to change will be hard, but I know in my soul it will be worth it! Thanks for being here!
Jana
I am so glad I found this site today! I've been drinking for about 20 years of and on. The past year my "on" has been auto pilot and I crashed. I haven't had a drink in 13 days and aside from some headaches,some desires for a cold one (which always leads to 12 or more) and some grouchy attitudes, I'm hanging in there. I've been taking it one day at a time, which can seem like an awfully long day sometimes! Today was the hardest day so far. My husband is still drinking and the sight of beer brought back old desires. I thought I was going to go insane! I was trying to distract myself and was going to leave the house to walk around antique shops but my gut told me to stay put and fight it, to many local watering holes on the way. I paced around with what seemed to be my whole body shaking and stressed and me getting very agitated with myself wondering why I couldn't drink just a couple and be done with them like other people do. I was really wanting to sit out by that pool with him like I used to and share an icy beer, but I knew at this turning point in my life it is and will be detrimental. I knew I needed to talk to someone who would understand, but I haven't been to AA, yet. I got on the computer and punched in 'how to stay sober' into the search and found this site. I have read alot of the forums and I have sat here laughing, crying and connecting and realized I had found not someone to talk to but a whole bunch of someone's! My desire has subsided, my pounding chest is not in my throat anymore and I am re-directed in thought. I'm not pacing but doing a happy dance in my heart now that I have found a place where I can fit in and others will be there to understand and help. I know that my decision to change will be hard, but I know in my soul it will be worth it! Thanks for being here!
Jana
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Welcome Jana.
Whole bunch of us someones here.
We were waiting for you. 13 days? Magical. We'll make it another 24 hours if you want. AA is but one avenue for recovery programs. It works for me. But there is so much more out there now.
I hear others coming to say hi...
Cool you're here
Whole bunch of us someones here.
We were waiting for you. 13 days? Magical. We'll make it another 24 hours if you want. AA is but one avenue for recovery programs. It works for me. But there is so much more out there now.
I hear others coming to say hi...
Cool you're here
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Jana,
Welcome to SR. This is really a great place for support. We are a bunch of friends who try to be there for each other. And, you're right, the posts really do cover the spectrum of emotions! Hang around and get to know us.
Love, Anna
Welcome to SR. This is really a great place for support. We are a bunch of friends who try to be there for each other. And, you're right, the posts really do cover the spectrum of emotions! Hang around and get to know us.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi Jana
I love your user name..pathfinder...the sooner you get on the right path the better. So happy you've found us, the gang here are the best, you just have to listen, let it sink in.
Well I have to tell you I can relate to what you've said. I wish I had of done something about this ten years ago when I desperately wanted to, but hubs wouldn't hear of me calling AA, stupid on my part, one more time I shouldn't have listened to him, I would have saved myself ten extra years of extra grief, and the longer you go the harder it is to STOP, trust me on this, it's no way to live, you get your foot caught in that trap, and you keep trying to get out, it won't let you, 30 years of drinking for me, off and on. I'm happy I had the good sense not to drink while I was pregnant, it's to bad I didn't stop after I had my babies, cause the guilt with that now can be over powering, blah to that part, and not a thing in the world I can do to change that. If I had one wish, boy oh boy.
I hope you know, you'll need outside help, it's to hard when you live with a person who drinks, way to hard, the tempation is always staring you in the face, so I hope you look for some kind of outside help, unless you have enough strength in you to beat this alone...I used to think I could, I'm still not sure who I was trying to kid on that one, haha, miss smarty pants here, belly flop after belly flop, and some of them hurt real bad, mentally, physically, and spriitually, and the longer you continue with this, the worse it will get, a slow suicide is how I see it.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble, AGAIN, please seek help, do what you have to do, I recently went back to AA, and it's working for me, parts of it I still find hard, asking for help, that's a biggy.
Take care of you Jana, I'm wishing you all the best on your recovery, and I'm so happy your looking for sobriety, you know it feels pretty good, but that demon always loves to whisper to us, so time we stomped that buggar down for good.
Love and hugs.....Denise
Well I have to tell you I can relate to what you've said. I wish I had of done something about this ten years ago when I desperately wanted to, but hubs wouldn't hear of me calling AA, stupid on my part, one more time I shouldn't have listened to him, I would have saved myself ten extra years of extra grief, and the longer you go the harder it is to STOP, trust me on this, it's no way to live, you get your foot caught in that trap, and you keep trying to get out, it won't let you, 30 years of drinking for me, off and on. I'm happy I had the good sense not to drink while I was pregnant, it's to bad I didn't stop after I had my babies, cause the guilt with that now can be over powering, blah to that part, and not a thing in the world I can do to change that. If I had one wish, boy oh boy.
I hope you know, you'll need outside help, it's to hard when you live with a person who drinks, way to hard, the tempation is always staring you in the face, so I hope you look for some kind of outside help, unless you have enough strength in you to beat this alone...I used to think I could, I'm still not sure who I was trying to kid on that one, haha, miss smarty pants here, belly flop after belly flop, and some of them hurt real bad, mentally, physically, and spriitually, and the longer you continue with this, the worse it will get, a slow suicide is how I see it.
Anyway I'm starting to ramble, AGAIN, please seek help, do what you have to do, I recently went back to AA, and it's working for me, parts of it I still find hard, asking for help, that's a biggy.
Take care of you Jana, I'm wishing you all the best on your recovery, and I'm so happy your looking for sobriety, you know it feels pretty good, but that demon always loves to whisper to us, so time we stomped that buggar down for good.
Love and hugs.....Denise
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
hi jana
glad you are here. With all my old 'support group'[drinkin buddies] i pretty well had to go find a different circle of friends- for me, that has turned out to be AA [i also do NA]- regardless, the decision to get sober was one i will never ever regret- was one of the really good things i have done for ME .
hang in there-lots of support here-
mackat
glad you are here. With all my old 'support group'[drinkin buddies] i pretty well had to go find a different circle of friends- for me, that has turned out to be AA [i also do NA]- regardless, the decision to get sober was one i will never ever regret- was one of the really good things i have done for ME .
hang in there-lots of support here-
mackat
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Jana,
Welcome, at 13 days myself. I could not have done it without this site.
13 days by yourself. You are an amazing gutsy person. Hang tough and hang around here. It's a great place to be
---J
Welcome, at 13 days myself. I could not have done it without this site.
13 days by yourself. You are an amazing gutsy person. Hang tough and hang around here. It's a great place to be
---J
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
Originally Posted by pathfinder
Hi! I'm not pacing but doing a happy dance in my heart now that I have found a place where I can fit in and others will be there to understand and help. I know that my decision to change will be hard, but I know in my soul it will be worth it! Thanks for being here! Jana
Happy dance everyone, cmon, you know the steps
:band
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Hi Jana,
Ann here, alcoholic and drug addict. I'm finding peace and freedom from addiction thru AA.
Welcome to SR........ we're a good bunch. Pull up a chair and stick around.
How many days is it now?
Ann here, alcoholic and drug addict. I'm finding peace and freedom from addiction thru AA.
Welcome to SR........ we're a good bunch. Pull up a chair and stick around.
How many days is it now?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Titusville, Florida
Posts: 4
Hi All!
Well, I'm finishing up my 19th day. Thanks for the warm welcomes. I've been keeping busy and catching up on alot of things that I had neglected in the past year or more, doctors, dentists, family etc. I've re-discovered alot of simple things in life that can light your day up. It's sad when I think of how much I was missing because I was in a blur most of the time. It's getting easier. I honestly think that there is a huge miracle going on in my life right now and I am grateful and amazed every moment of the day. There was no way in the past that I could have just stopped drinking cold turkey but that's what I have done this time. But this time I keep an awareness that I am not in this alone. The help I needed was there all along, I just needed to reach my hand out and surrender. My eyes have been opened to the way I was (which wasn't real attractive) but also to the way it can be. I found a picture of myself while on vacation recently while I was drinking heavy, not a pretty sight. I keep that picture readily available to look at when I need a rude reminder. I also have a few memories to jerk me back into the realization of why I cannot drink. It's really something when I bounce out of bed now ready to see what the day will bring because I know what I am leaving behind.
I will be hanging out with all of you and looking forward to each day! Thanks for new found friends!
Jana
Well, I'm finishing up my 19th day. Thanks for the warm welcomes. I've been keeping busy and catching up on alot of things that I had neglected in the past year or more, doctors, dentists, family etc. I've re-discovered alot of simple things in life that can light your day up. It's sad when I think of how much I was missing because I was in a blur most of the time. It's getting easier. I honestly think that there is a huge miracle going on in my life right now and I am grateful and amazed every moment of the day. There was no way in the past that I could have just stopped drinking cold turkey but that's what I have done this time. But this time I keep an awareness that I am not in this alone. The help I needed was there all along, I just needed to reach my hand out and surrender. My eyes have been opened to the way I was (which wasn't real attractive) but also to the way it can be. I found a picture of myself while on vacation recently while I was drinking heavy, not a pretty sight. I keep that picture readily available to look at when I need a rude reminder. I also have a few memories to jerk me back into the realization of why I cannot drink. It's really something when I bounce out of bed now ready to see what the day will bring because I know what I am leaving behind.
I will be hanging out with all of you and looking forward to each day! Thanks for new found friends!
Jana
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
jana, thanks for being so positive. this is day 20 for that is so great i am feeling a wave of strength from your thread. a miracle is happening to you and you are making the miracle happen. a day at a time. jana thanks for the post glad to hear from you, keep us all posted.
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