Fishy

I have decided I need to really face hard truths if I am going to succeed at life sober.

Number 1 is that all my friends drink too much or have too much drama. I love a good debate but it is not good for me. I have deleted facebook and my other social networking sites. I need to put myself first and so now I am.

I have really complicated relationship situation. I have 2 boyfriends. One who is not good for me and really messed up. I have been with him for years and he is the sexiest man alive. The other one is just so sweet and perfect and I know I have to cut the one I have been with for 2 years out of my life. I spend time with one then stress, if I spend time with the other I stress and then I drink to stop the stress. This needs to change.

I need to address the fact that I am not cool. Everyone says I am. I pretend and put on a front for my personality. I am very shy and I hate crowds and groups so I have been faking it so long pretending to be the life of the party. I pretend that I love crazy arse sex and being really outspoken and fast living to cover the fact I am a scared little person who feels like hiding in the bathroom everyday.

I am rejoining my online communities for my special needs again and coming here for support and some limited social contact.

I also need to be honest with myself that as much as I am terrified of AA and crowds, I need to join a supportive group so I am going today. I need to not make excuses.

I am also going to the bank and putting a stop on me accessing funds for alcohol. If I have no money or cash I can't pay for it.

least

Sounds like you've got a good plan. All the best to you in making it work for you.

Fishy

It is a poor plan but it will hopefully keep me sober.

Hopefully I will also be able to keep this one sweet man who saw me at the lowest. I am never going to be able to forgive myself for it.

I love him but now he will be gone.

FourSeasons

Good for you! Go for it!!!

Fishy

Off to my first ever AA meeting. I do not want to go and just curl up in a ball and ignore the fact I have this issue. However I can't. I have hit rock bottom and I know this is a huge issue. I am powerless over alcohol and if i can't just admit it to myself, i will never get better.

I know it is a huge issue so i am finally being honest with myself. I can't help it so i need to go.