Victoria74

Yesterday I got caught by my boyfriend when secretely drinking vodka straight from the bottle. We talked about it and he is worried about me but doesn´t really see the whole problem. I am so ashamed and scared that he will leave me. He has no idea how much I actually drank yesterday, I did not tell him. However he will probably realize it was more than one zip when looking at the bottle the next time I guess.. I however said that I will take a break from alcohol and that I would appreciate his help. He thinks this is a good idea although says he doesn´t think it is necessary...
So here I go again, this time I HAVE to make it, the stakes are too high.

KyrieEleison

Oh, I pray you get a break from the grips of the power booze has over us.

I know what that is like to have to have that vodka.

Thank God for his mercy that I was able to break free again.

I pray I'll never drink again.

I hope if you need to stop, that you are able to find a path to sobriety.

I follow the AA program. I read my book and it helps me. I pray and ask God for help.

I wish you the best.

You never have to take another drink. This may be your window of opportunity and clarity.

Seize it. You can do it.

Victoria74

Yes it feels like a window, a chance to talk about the problem and get support at home, was always so afraid of that before.

not2late

I drank yesterday too after 5 clean days and i feel so guilty. I'm starting over too. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have to do this for myself and so can you.

ReadyAtLast

hello victoria
do you have a plan to stay sober? For me, I removed all alcohol from the house, read Rational Recovery, stocked up on treat foods and lots of non alcoholic drinks, stayed home for a few days and was almost permanently on SR to get through the first few days.

Victoria74

ReadyAtLast, I have removed all alcohol and plan to go shopping for non alcoholic drinks and candy as soon as I can drive...I ordered some books and signed up for a jogging event in about 7 weeks, I used to excersice a lot before and really liked the person I was the so I will start walking/jogging in the evenings. But I think the most important thing for e istelling my boyfriend and family that I am taking a break. I am not ready to say I quit for life, even if this is my plan. I am afraid of the discussions and peoples opinions.

Dee74

welcome back Victoria

I think the stakes are always high - remember that you're doing this for you.

The really high stakes are not actually what your boyfriend thinks, but what you want your future to look like?

D

Victoria74

The first days are always really hard.. (yes, I have tred before...), I feel so bad about all the stuff I did when drunk and strangely that can drive me to drinking. I can´t get the embarrasing stuff undone, but how do you live with yourself?

sugarbear1

Please see a doctor for a proper detox

misterritter

One thing I keep in mind is that, while the past can't be undone, the future hasn't happened yet. In order not to keep adding to the pile of embarrassing stuff, the easiest thing is not to drink. I literally wrote myself notes left around the house to remind me not to do certain things when I was drinking. And it pretty much worked- I did not do those things, but found new and different embarrassing things to do.

ImperfectlyMe

The 2 most valuable things that have kept me from drinking ( only a small part of recovery) are
1. Accountability
Having your boyfriend witness what we do when we think no one is looking ( chugging straight from a bottle) when I was actively drinking I often thought if no one knows its not really happening. We can't stay blinded for ever, we hold all of our own ACCOUNTABILITY.

2. Options
If we give ourself the option of alcohol, as alcoholics 9 times out if 10 we are going to take that option. That option of drinking can no longer be an option. It sucks when we finally have to come to terms with it. But once we do the internal struggle eases.

doggonecarl

A break, huh? Leaves a lot of wiggle room to return to drinking.

Victoria74

I took the decision, and I have told my sister. But for some reason I am afraid of telling my boyfriend, and admitting the size of the problem. My plan is to tell him after a while that not drinking makes me feel so good I decided to quit for life. Maybe not the best plan as of course it makes iteasierto start again..

ReadyAtLast

The most important person you have to tell you won't drink again is yourself. It doesn't really matter what others think of us.They do not justify our actions and we don't have to convince them.We do have to convince ourselves and believe in ourselves though.If you know you're quitting drinking your bf wil see in time by your actions, that you are serious about it

EndGameNYC

True. You can't unhurt someone. So the choice becomes either continuing to drink while further drawing out my history of doing damage to myself and others, or put down the drink and learn to be helpful instead of hurtful. If the wreckage of my past fuels future drinking and future hurts, then there is only one way out.