Elseware

I am 62 years old. I spent a lifetime drinking WAY too much until I finally had to quit about 6 years ago. My life was disintegrating. I immediately took up Vicodin. I thought I had found heaven. Not so. I am trying to taper down from 10 pills a day to nothing and find out what it's really like to be sober for the first time since I was 15. This is turning out to be very hard in many ways. One thing I have not seen mentioned is the fact that when you spend your life trying to get pills, thinking about pills, rationing pills, eating pills, there is going to be a big adjustment. I am afraid I won't know what to do with myself when there are no more pills. And that alone will be a big factor for me in going back to the pills. It is scaring me to think of a life without pills. I've already relapsed once, but my source has dried up now and I have no choice but to keep up the taper or go cold turkey. I feel a little panic stricken about being alone with no pills. I'm afraid I will go back to alcohol or do something unsafe. My sister died from an overdose of oxy. You think Imwould have learned something from that. Thanks for listening.

kadidee

Hi Elseware! You'll find a lot of support here.

ZoeM

Hi Elseware I don't know much about those, other than they're banned in France, but you have definitely come to the right place for help x

Dee74

Welcome elseware.

I personally have no experience with Vikes but I know you'll find support here

D

Hevyn

Welcome Elseware. I hope you'll feel less alone by being here with us. We understand you like most people can't.

I didn't do pills - but I felt the same way about alcohol. I was terrified to let go of it. I'd fallen back on it to cope my whole life. I didn't know how I'd face reality without any kind of buffer. In the end, I was so sick and miserable from drinking that I figured there had to be a better way - even if it took a huge adjustment. I decided facing things 'alone' would be a big improvement over the pathetic life I was leading. I was right. You can do this Elseware - I'm glad you made the decision to let go of that sick old way of life.

Mountainmanbob

least

to SR! I'm glad you joined this supportive community.

Love38

Welcome to this beautiful community. I don't have experience with pills, but feel the same way about booze. I'm taking it a minute at a time and reminding myself that that poison will not help me reach my goals in life, only bring me more misery. I've given it enough of my life.

Good luck and welcome.

Anna

Welcome!

Have faith that you will be able to figure out how to live your life as a sober person.

Elseware

Thank you for giving a place to go. I don't feel so alone now. Elseware.

longbeachone

Hi Elsewhere,
I think that you are hearing the same voice in your head that we drinkers call our Alcoholic voice (yours is your addictive voice). Your AV says anything and everything it can to make you doubt yourself and run back to your drink/drug of choice. It sounds like your AV is working overtime!

Tapering sucks, but I understand that want to avoid opiate withdrawal, so if you have to do it, try to get through as fast as possible. Withdrawal isn't such a bad thing though. Once through it, never going through it again is a big motivator for staying sober!

I just finished a long and horrible taper to come off a prescription drug called Lyrica. It was pushed hard by my Dr for my RSD condition, and I was told that it wasn't narcotic (true) and had no withdrawal issues (FALSE). It took me six months to taper off that poison. Many people now say that Lyrica withdrawal is harder than opiate withdrawal. I don't know about that, but it knocked me to my knees. But I did it, and along the way I learned a to of stuff about all kinds of withdrawals, looking for help to get me through.

You have probably heard of the Thomas recipe, but if not, go online and start doing some research. Also read up on loperimide, an over the counter drug for opiate withdrawal. Of course you could also go through the suboxone route, if you go to your Doctor.

Please don't despair...and for heaven sake don't worry about how you'll keep busy after you quit. As my husband always says "we'll chew that food when we come to it. Take care1

Elseware

Thank you for your advice. I sort of forgot "One Day at a Time". I think I need to go to a 12 step program. I used to go to Al-Anon because my family holds many drug addicts and alcoholics. Some have died. Some are recovering. I never thought I'd be one with them. Pride goeth before the fall as it is said. As I look back, I see that I have been drinking and taking drugs for many many years. Always denying it. I am down to less than half of my regular Vicodin dose and feeling pretty bad. Not drinking, either. Still trying to taper down and keeping to my schedule. But I am sick. Feels like an awful virus or something. But I'm still able to do things if I take it slow. I'm trying to show myself the compassion I'd show someone else. I learned compassion from Al-Anon. Elseware

finaltime

I wanted to read your store elseware, since what you have written to me on our other thread has meant a lot! How are you doing with everything? I know you know my story from the other thread. I also read that your sister died of an overdose of oxy Oh wow that is so scary and I am so sorry to hear that. I also read that you said, you think you would learn from that. I feel the same way about my incident this summer where I overdosed and either had a seizure or fainted and hit my head so hard I bit my tongue in two places. it was awful, and I was alone with my daughter. Thank god the hotel maid found me I was in a different country too. I was taking too much tramadol I guess. I never took tram to make me high, but I guess I was trying to see if more and more would work. I don't know, but even retelling the story on here scares me. However, with all of this I still mess around with pills, booze, coke, its so sad I want to do better. I am trying. I am trying my very best.

Just wanted to find out your story, Since I am trying to get clean/stay clean, i am staying close to SR. Thanks for listening.

CaiHong

Hi Elsewhere,
I have no experience with pills but its an addiction like alcohol. The 12 step program and SR saved me from a life tied to alcohol. I am coming up to 60 yo
And life could not be better. There is lots to do in life but when we are addicted we don't feel like doing those things. Throw yourself fully into recovery and life will start to have meaning and purpose.
You can do this.


All the best
CaiHong

Elseware

Finaltime, thanks for your post. That is a scary story about that Tramadol. I knew that drug lowered the seizure threshold but it's really scary to hear about some

Elseware

Sorry hit the wrong button! It's scary to hear about someone actually having one. A word of caution: Tramadol is a BAD drug for you. About my sister. She had been a heroin addict for some years and as far as I know she had stopped using it. Then one day I got a call. She had died all alone on a cold day in December. Her teenage son found her there. The medical examiner told us she had died from an overdose of OxyContin. It's my belief it was an accident. She just accidentally took too much and stopped breathing. I have never gotten over her death. It was just so tragic. She was just 48. From there my drinking got way out of hand. I really came apart. I stopped the drinking but picked up the pills instead thinking I could handle them. Of course, I couldn't and now here I am. Actually, my life has become very empty because I was so caught in the pill rat race. That's what I'm finding to be the hardest thing for me. I have all this time now that used to be filled with addict behavior. Now I'm really at loose ends. I feel sort of paralyzed and unable to get started with everything. This seems to be my hardest challenge.

CaiHong

Hi Elsewhere,
Just think about today or the next hour. Do you exercise? Perhaps go for a walk. meet some people face to face who are recovering from pills, go to an NA meeting. Recovery needs action and although you feel overwhelmed small steps will take you there.

It is a tragedy about your sister, it was her tragedy, don't make it yours. You have many years left to turn things around.

Recovery is not easy but believe me it certainly has its rewards.

I wish you all the strength to get to the point where recovery is your absolute focus.

CaiHong

Bruce292

Thank you for your post. I twice fell into the opiate/opioid trap. At first it seems like a miracle. You no longer have to drink, you can generally function, and the day takes on a sleepy glow. As you've found it's a trap. At one time I thought "I can't live without my pills, powders, and tinctures". I found out I was wrong. I've been through withdrawal twice. The first time it was bad. The second was a nightmare I will never repeat. I'm NOT saying cold turkey is a good idea. It's what I did and if I were in the same position again I'd get some help from a doctor. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there IS life after opiates/opioids and it's real nice. Those chemical lie. You can be happy and fulfilled without them.

I'm rambling as usual. Hope there's a kernel of something useful.

Be well. Take care.