walkingwithgod

I have been going to AA meetings during the job search. How do I choose or find a sponsor?

Eleni58

Good question. Every AA meeting I go to, I tell the people I carpool with that I don't have a sponsor yet and they just say "Ya, you need to get one, but you need someone who has been sober longer than me." I think at next Tuesday's meeting, I am going to flat out ask for one at the beginning of the meeting.

walkingwithgod

Exactly, all I hear is choose one.

Fandy

there is a very informative thread in another section where this is being discussed and argued about.
You might want to read it....it made me cringe, but I don't follow AA.

btw, you are doing great, I wanted to tell you that when our HR does background checks, it is before we offer the position, but it takes 3 weeks. (state govt).

maybe there are some projects around the house you can do while you are home to give you a sense of purpose?

walkingwithgod

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I think maybe this tough time happened for a reason. So glad that I've been going to AA.

sugarbear1

ask your higher power to put your sponsor in your life.....

yukonm

Hi WWG, hopefully the following information will help you. I recently relocated to a new area and wanted to find a local sponsor. I attended several women's meetings and watched and listened to what was shared by different ones. I spotted a lady that had the qualifications I was looking for. She has been sober 18 years and seems to truly live the principles of AA, she always asked to read the promises because she says they came true for her. At the end of the meeting they would ask those willing to sponsor to raise their hands.......she never raised hers. At one meeting she shared that she felt she needed to do more service work, put herself out there to help those new and/or struggling. At the end of that meeting I walked up to her and said "I need a sponsor"---she motioned to one of the other ladies and I said "What abput you?" A big smile came to her face and she said 'OK'. We have been working together now for a few months. I will be sober 6 years on the 21st of this month and we have said we will go through the steps again with her sponsor in regards to relationship issues. She has shared what a blessing sponsorship is to her and said that we are learning from each other through this experience. Following is some general information regarding sponsorship. Good luck!!

WHAT DOES A SPONSOR DO?

A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the 12 Steps

A sponsor helps us work the 12 Steps by providing explanation, guidance and encouragement.
A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members.
A sponsor is a safe person whom we can learn to trust.
A sponsor can answer the many questions that we can have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers."
A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require.
A sponsor encourages us to read the basic text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work.
A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate and generally help us stay on the recovery path.
A sponsor confronts our behavior, not our being, and he or she does it with compassion.
A sponsor reminds us to apply 12 Step principles in our lives.
A sponsor models the 12 Step program of recovery.
Our sponsor is available in times of crisis.
A sponsor provides practice in building relationships.

WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO:

A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery.
A sponsor is not our therapist
A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence.
A sponsor should not take advantage of us our exploit us in any way.

SOME FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR:

Has what we want
Lives in the solution
Walks the talk
Has a sponsor
Emphasizes the steps
Has more time in recovery than we do
Has worked more steps than we have
Is available for telephone calls and meetings
Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program
Gender is the same as ours*
* This, as with all the suggestions here, is a general guideline. This may not be appropriate for recovering folk who identify as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender. Additionally, in many communities, some trusted "old-timers" may sponsor people of another gender.


IF A POTENTIAL SPONSOR SAYS NO:

Some reasons are:

-The person is currently sponsoring as many people as he or she can handle. A sponsor who takes on too many sponsees does each of them (and himself or herself) a disservice.
-The person is not taking on new sponsees because of a heavy travel schedule, a planned move, or some other reason based on where he or she is in life or the program.
-After discussing the potential sponsorship, the person realizes the match would not be a good one. That conclusion is as much about the potential sponsor as it is about us.
-When potential sponsors reject our request for sponsorship, it is usually about them.
It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery.

LadyinBC

You definately want to find someone you click with and you want someone who has done the steps and has been in the program for quite awhile.

I think it is also important that you both sit down and talk about what their expectations are and what yours are. That way you are both on the same page and there are no surprises. There are things a sponsor can do for you and things they can't. It's important to figure this out in the beginning.

DisplacedGRITS

for me, i was approached by a group of women at my first meeting at a new place. they asked me if i had a sponsor. i said that i kind of did but she never took my calls, called me back or asked to meet with me. that got some raised eyebrows. so i look at them and asked if they knew of someone who could sponsor me. one of the gals (younger than me!) had over 11 years of sobriety and said she'd do it. keep asking around groups of people you can relate too. eventually, God will put someone in your path but you've got to keep your eyes out for when it happens.

wakko

everything Yukon said plus

• someone was happy with themselves and life in general
• someone who has time for you I find retirees are especially good
• someone who is active in AA and has large support group
• someone who is knowledgeable about the big book

Melbell

You need to find someone who's story you hear is similiar to your own. Someone you can relate to. You can always ask someone to be your temporary sponsor if you think you may click, go for coffee and see what comes of it. Nice thing about a temporary sponsor is if down the road you meet someone you click with more, you can ask them and thank your temp. sponsor and move ahead and not feeling guilty about "dumping" someone. Just my thoughts.

Good luck!

wakko

someone who is willing to challenge you if you start spouting alcoholic BS

Grungehead

I did what sugarbear suggested and I had a new sponsor within a few days.

Ptcapote

I waited until I heard someone share at a meeting several times that I felt "had what I wanted." I know that is cliche but every time she spoke, what she said made absolute sense to me and was practical and no BS/sugarcoating things.

I think some people have luck with sponsors who are similar to them and others do better with someone completely different. I agree with wakko's advice, though. You don't want a bully (at least I didn't) but you also want someone who has enough time to be able to provide firm guidance and push back if needed.

Overall, I think the best advice is to do it when it feels right to you and you meet someone whose program or personality seems to fit your needs. When I have seen people rush into it, it normally doesn't turn out well (i.e. "the get a sponsor immediately just because you're supposed to" route).

Remember, ideally you are going to be sharing some pretty deep stuff with this person as you go through the steps so you definitely want someone you are going to trust and feel comfortable with.

Good luck to you!