BabyJane

... How I can be so broke even though I'm sober. I know no one gets paid to stay clean and not get wasted (we wish!) but I am absolutely drowning right now and last week I find out my pay is getting cut AGAIN. I'm getting calls from places I owe money almost every day. Mostly student loans and medical bills. I still pay my rent, pay my car payment and afford food. Otherwise I don't do much. I barely leave my house for fear I will end up spending money on anything - even a bottled water. I need another job but I can't get one when I'm literally having a baby ANY DAY now. How did I get myself into this mess? The freaking stress is killing me. I have heart palpitations and headaches and I cry a lot lately just stressing over how the hell I will make it. I feel like a horrible parent and a looser in general. Also I can't figure out how I used to maintain a hundred dollar per day drug and alcohol habit but here I am almost a year later and sober; where is my money? I really don't spend that much! I just pay bills and bills and more bills. I'm obviously doing this wrong.

Frustrated. Tired. Depressed. Hoping to gain some new perspective. I'm planning on returning to work ASAP - not going to have the luxury of much maternity leave but then I will have daycare expenses! Will it ever end? I didn't plan this pregnancy, btw, and I was taking preventative measures so please don't judge. My only choice was abortion and I could not do it.

Ok off my pity pot. Needed to vent. Thank you everyone.

doggonecarl

I understand your anxiety. I think financial worries top most people's lists.

Any way to get services from the state that will help with expenses or supplement your income? WIC once you have the baby?

As for loans and medical bills, I understand it's best to contact them and explain why you aren't able to pay and try to work out a solution.

Dorris

I can understand your frustration after a year sober and still not being any better off financially. Glad you came here to rant, I suppose the only sliver lining is your not in any further debt by continuing your 100 dollar a day spending

I'm feeling the same, stressed about my financial situation and was only hoping I could fast forward a year to see the rewards.

I guess all we can do is just pray thing will work out ok for us in the end.

Take care x

wpainterw

Hang in there, Baby Jane. Don't give in. It's tough indeed but tell the bill collectors that you're going to start earning money in the near future. They'll make all kinds of threats but they'll really know that it's to their best interests to wait until you have your baby and start earning money. Despite what they say and threaten they know that. So just stay cool and things will start to get better when you start working again. We're rooting for you! Keep posting.

W.

Itchy

Alcohol got us all there. When will it end? Hopefully not for a very long time. Remember, life doesn't get better, we do. Life can still suck, but it sucks less sober. Your budget issues and dependents alone are the result of bad choices. None of us would be here had we not made a lot of bad choices too. Work hard, hope harder, and maybe you will be blessed with a long hardworking, rewarding life.

I hope your delivery is smooth and your baby healthy. Everything else you can tackle in time.

wakko

Try a gratitude list. Things may not be great but you have many blessings. Many would give anything to be where you are

bigsombrero

I am sorry you're frustrated! I can only imagine that since you are expecting soon it must only compound things. Yuck. The rest of your story sounds familiar to me, as I am working but constantly poor and also have been getting some calls lately. I recently made a payment to a company and while doing so I updated my phone number - now they're calling me twice per day!

I have been up and down both sides of wealth and poverty throughout my adult life. For the most part, I was miserable regardless. Today I am becoming happier because of my sobriety and thanks to my new outlook on life. You sound like you have a pretty solid foundation to build on, and your new addition to the family will be a great start. You'll be fine, just take it one step at a time!

EndGameNYC

Hi BabyJane.

Getting sober makes up for a lot of sins, but doesn't solve all our problems. We often need additional help.

Schedule an appointment to see a credit counselor. The initial session is usually free of charge. You need another pair of eyes -- a trained pair of eyes -- to take a look at your finances.

I've met so many people in recovery with the problems you've described. A couple have been successful with outside help, cleaning up their financial mess in a relatively short time, while the majority decided they could fix their finances on their own, spending the next several years of their lives (or the rest of their lives) buried under their indebtedness, and doing little else besides digging themselves out of a very deep hole. Nice life.

Most of us like to believe that we know what will make us happy, we know what's best for us and that nobody can know more about me (and my finances) than I can. So we never seek the help we need. After completing my three-year relapse, I was forced to asked myself, "If I'm so smart, what am I doing here (in detox)?"

Each time we ask for help, our commitment to sobriety and to living a better life is thereby strengthened.

whiskeyman

just dont drink.

i remember 500.00 a month on booze. I have no clue how i did that cuz i sure dont have it now to spend

BabyJane

Thank you. I have been meaning to apply for WIC (my pride gets in the way, which is ridiculous. I pay taxes and right now I really DO need help) so I will set a goal to absolutely have that application in by this Friday. No more procrastinating. And seeing a financial advisor or credit counselor is a great idea. I will do this too. I thought it was expensive. Good to know I can see someone for almost nothing. I don't want to be so stubborn that I screw myself out of getting this under control. My fiancée makes decent money I just never ask for help because I am very ashamed. Maybe it's time for us both to sit down and talk about how we can help each other. Also, I used to do a gratitude list every day and I just stopped so time to get in the right frame of mind. Being exhausted is not helping but I can do it. Thanks for the replies and to everyone who is in this struggle - you are not alone. I'm fairly intelligent. I work hard often with little to show for it, but it won't be better if I'm using or drunk, not in the long run anyway.... Oh adulthood you are so fun! Lol

Thanks again.

wakko

Who needs food medical care a dentist gifts for loved ones oil changes insurance..... as long as you have booze life is good

BabyJane

Oh I should add I just applied for a consolidation on the student loans. Glad I did this. If you have them and can't pay the payments or keep track of what you owe I would recommend that. If I get approved I will have payments that are about 1/3 of what they are asking for now. Just something I learned researching. As for medical bills... I have some that I just can not pay so I told them they can call me all they want but I'm not paying them until I get other stuff taken care of. I'm going to let that one go for a bit. Doing my best.

EndGameNYC

Absolutely.

Most couples never get around to doing this, preferring instead to believe that "Everything will work itself out." So doing nothing is preferable to putting in the work that every good relationship requires.

This kind of thinking keeps divorce lawyers and therapists in business.

doggonecarl

Yes you are! It's amazing how much more effective action is opposed to reaction when it comes to dealing with adversity.