When coming back over and over does you in.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Of course you can keep coming back. Fall down 100 times; get up 101 times.
I'm 30 days back. When I picked up again a few months ago, it was partly because my AV was telling me the exact same thing -- that I was going to drink on my holiday anyway. I did drink on my holiday and it was awful. I thought that my drinking couldn't get any worse but it did. You do not have to go through what I went through.
You're not an idiot. You're an alcoholic. I only stopped embracing my AV when I really thought about whether or not I genuinely wanted to be sober. I did, so from that point on I promised myself that I would accept that any desire to drink was my AV and not what I actually wanted.
I also promised myself to accept that my AV is always wrong, whatever it says. Whatever it says. No exceptions..
Next time you see your AV, tell it that it's wrong instead of embracing it. Make yourself do this every single time until you instinctively know and believe that it's wrong and that it doesn't want the same things that the real you wants.
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow 
.
I just don't know what to do. Be stronger I guess and want it more - I've been telling myself, you're going to drink on your hols in August anyway so whats the point. I see that AV and I embrace it and make it my best friend. Idiot
I just don't know what to do. Be stronger I guess and want it more - I've been telling myself, you're going to drink on your hols in August anyway so whats the point. I see that AV and I embrace it and make it my best friend. Idiot
You're not an idiot. You're an alcoholic. I only stopped embracing my AV when I really thought about whether or not I genuinely wanted to be sober. I did, so from that point on I promised myself that I would accept that any desire to drink was my AV and not what I actually wanted.
I also promised myself to accept that my AV is always wrong, whatever it says. Whatever it says. No exceptions..
Next time you see your AV, tell it that it's wrong instead of embracing it. Make yourself do this every single time until you instinctively know and believe that it's wrong and that it doesn't want the same things that the real you wants.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
THANK YOU! Very powerful, attention grabbing and so accurate. A problem with many alcoholics is many have been damaged mentally/emotionally by the drug that has us captive. Too many of us compare and say I'm not that bad (YET), OR "when I get that bad I'll stop." Wonderful, that means our reasoning power will be improved! OK BE WELL
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Speaking for myself, I didn't fight against alcohol being pleasurable for me, and in not fighting against those feelings, I was able to appreciate the depths of my alcoholic addiction. I was able to realise how little regard I had for myself and others while I drank. It really came home to me how my life revolved around my chronic drinking and my self-seeking and selfish rewards I felt with my drinking because it became increasingly obvious what I was carelessly throwing away to keep drinking.
The final writing on the wall for me was the continuing shift of how even horrible consequences could be justified as unimportant in an unimportant life -- Jail. Mental hospital. Street life. Alone and severely isolated -- I kept drinking nonetheless. Emotional mental physical pains eventually became blurred with being satisfied by my hurts and hatreds. As I sunk to new lows, with myself and with others in impossible situations, I much didn't care if I could at least stay drunk.
For me, it really became suicidal to keep drinking. Dying drunk was not a question of if but entirely one of when and sooner than later.
Not drinking didn't really matter to me as much as not dying as a drunk meant to me - I couldn't drink "enough" to stay drunk - I would quickly blackout more and more and go thru DT's again and again because I could no longer drink and just keep a buzz going - I was just too far gone - my addiction owned me.
Since I was suicidal, this all amounted to a sick pleasure too, as bad as that may sound. So yeah, so-called pleasure with drinking can become way twisted and surreal when one keeps drinking hopelessly.
Well, the good news is I did eventually successfully quit because here I am clean n' sober! YOU can quit too MyTimeNow - even though right now you don't believe you can, I believe YOU CAN, and I'm not alone in that believe as this thread shows.
Forget how "pleasurable" it is with your drinking - because likely sooner or later it won't make any difference, and that day will be a day of impossible misery that never entirely quits hurting no matter how much you might drink. That is, unless you successfully and eventually quit drinking. Anyways, this was my experience speaking for myself, like I've said. What are the chances you'll experience the same?!!
It's never too soon to quit.
The final writing on the wall for me was the continuing shift of how even horrible consequences could be justified as unimportant in an unimportant life -- Jail. Mental hospital. Street life. Alone and severely isolated -- I kept drinking nonetheless. Emotional mental physical pains eventually became blurred with being satisfied by my hurts and hatreds. As I sunk to new lows, with myself and with others in impossible situations, I much didn't care if I could at least stay drunk.
For me, it really became suicidal to keep drinking. Dying drunk was not a question of if but entirely one of when and sooner than later.
Not drinking didn't really matter to me as much as not dying as a drunk meant to me - I couldn't drink "enough" to stay drunk - I would quickly blackout more and more and go thru DT's again and again because I could no longer drink and just keep a buzz going - I was just too far gone - my addiction owned me.
Since I was suicidal, this all amounted to a sick pleasure too, as bad as that may sound. So yeah, so-called pleasure with drinking can become way twisted and surreal when one keeps drinking hopelessly.
Well, the good news is I did eventually successfully quit because here I am clean n' sober! YOU can quit too MyTimeNow - even though right now you don't believe you can, I believe YOU CAN, and I'm not alone in that believe as this thread shows.
Forget how "pleasurable" it is with your drinking - because likely sooner or later it won't make any difference, and that day will be a day of impossible misery that never entirely quits hurting no matter how much you might drink. That is, unless you successfully and eventually quit drinking. Anyways, this was my experience speaking for myself, like I've said. What are the chances you'll experience the same?!!
It's never too soon to quit.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
You can keep coming back. after years of stuggling I made it out. I guess I went through a long period of trying hard and not so hard, despair, torment and struggle. Over time I came to see the "enjoyment" as briefer periods of respite from the trap I was living in with drinking. I did not know how to stop.
In time getting sober I came to see that my entire emotional expereince was highjacked by alcohol- there were no more simple pleasures of life left- now two years on they are in abundance. I know the pleasure of drinking but I am thankful for the richness and freedom of a sober life.
Keep coming.
In time getting sober I came to see that my entire emotional expereince was highjacked by alcohol- there were no more simple pleasures of life left- now two years on they are in abundance. I know the pleasure of drinking but I am thankful for the richness and freedom of a sober life.
Keep coming.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 66
You have complete free will choice bro. Desire alone has no means of fulfilling itself. Think of it this way. If you had a desire to start a million dollar business, that desire is not self-fulfilling unless you do business plans and do work to make a million bucks.
You would have to be the one to operate your body and mind to do what it takes.
Likewise, if you had a desire to drink, an "urge", that desire is not self-fulfilling, you have to at the very least lift a glass to your mouth and take a sip.
For me, sometimes I have a desire to smoke marijuana. But that desire alone won't get me high. I have to pack a bowl, get my lighter, go somewhere I can smoke, then light the weed, smoke, inhale. It's not until all those steps that I'm high. The desire to be high isn't self-fulfilling. I wish the desire itself would be just absent, but I know that in life, I'll face that desire from within, and also face people tempting me in real-time (ie a good friend showing up in the area, "wanna roll a J?")
The internal desire is easy to say no to most of the time. The external desire, like parties, smoking friends, that's where I kind of "hide" from the world as of now. Because I'm just on step 1 - I haven't fully admitted to myself or decided that smoking weed is bad! And I don't want to admit to myself that smoking weed has done and can continue to do damage to my central nervous system! Because I like the sense of well-being from getting high and sometimes I think it's necessary in moderation!
I can't imagine how I'd feel after a year of sobriety. I can't imagine I'd be proud of myself. I imagine myself right now feeling dissapointed, at all the smoke sessions I missed out on!! Maybe glad that I gave my brain a full year to re-stock on dopamine and serotonin, to burn it out again?
It's hard for me to let go of marijuana, but I have had a glimpse or two that maybe marijuana is just holding me back altogether... Still don't wanna admit it though... So on step 1
You would have to be the one to operate your body and mind to do what it takes.
Likewise, if you had a desire to drink, an "urge", that desire is not self-fulfilling, you have to at the very least lift a glass to your mouth and take a sip.
For me, sometimes I have a desire to smoke marijuana. But that desire alone won't get me high. I have to pack a bowl, get my lighter, go somewhere I can smoke, then light the weed, smoke, inhale. It's not until all those steps that I'm high. The desire to be high isn't self-fulfilling. I wish the desire itself would be just absent, but I know that in life, I'll face that desire from within, and also face people tempting me in real-time (ie a good friend showing up in the area, "wanna roll a J?")
The internal desire is easy to say no to most of the time. The external desire, like parties, smoking friends, that's where I kind of "hide" from the world as of now. Because I'm just on step 1 - I haven't fully admitted to myself or decided that smoking weed is bad! And I don't want to admit to myself that smoking weed has done and can continue to do damage to my central nervous system! Because I like the sense of well-being from getting high and sometimes I think it's necessary in moderation!
I can't imagine how I'd feel after a year of sobriety. I can't imagine I'd be proud of myself. I imagine myself right now feeling dissapointed, at all the smoke sessions I missed out on!! Maybe glad that I gave my brain a full year to re-stock on dopamine and serotonin, to burn it out again?
It's hard for me to let go of marijuana, but I have had a glimpse or two that maybe marijuana is just holding me back altogether... Still don't wanna admit it though... So on step 1
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi mytimenow, You are trying and questioning. That's why you came here. Which is a good thing. It's a journey to sobriety. You are taking steps. You can do this. Why tell yourself "its more of a pleasure". Maybe you should re-evaluate that. Sometimes we get caught up in the same old thinking. Think about what you really want. I choose sobriety. It's so much easier in the longrun. 
Give yourself credit for facing this. Good job.
Give yourself credit for facing this. Good job.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
I'm so sorry, I haven't even read all of your replies yet, I will do.
I've just messaged my Mum who knows everything, but thought I was ok - I'm not Mum, please take youngest for just one night so I can get through the worst.
She's not replied yet, this is me bashing everything out very quickly knowing it needs to stop now.
I've fallen into the trap of drinking to stave off the after affects of drinking. Nothing major or bad has happened, but I know I'm neglecting my youngest and that kills me, I'm drinking to wake myself up and have fun with her and we do - feckin twisted!
I've always had a self destructive streak and whilst hanging out the washing knowing I was going to buy more vodka it was - are you trying to kill yourself? Do you really want to die? On some sad level the answer was yes.
I don't though!
There is more to me than this.
Sorry *tears*
I'll go back and read through and probably sob at how lovely, generous and giving you all are.
I've missed you all.
I've just messaged my Mum who knows everything, but thought I was ok - I'm not Mum, please take youngest for just one night so I can get through the worst.
She's not replied yet, this is me bashing everything out very quickly knowing it needs to stop now.
I've fallen into the trap of drinking to stave off the after affects of drinking. Nothing major or bad has happened, but I know I'm neglecting my youngest and that kills me, I'm drinking to wake myself up and have fun with her and we do - feckin twisted!
I've always had a self destructive streak and whilst hanging out the washing knowing I was going to buy more vodka it was - are you trying to kill yourself? Do you really want to die? On some sad level the answer was yes.
I don't though!
There is more to me than this.
Sorry *tears*
I'll go back and read through and probably sob at how lovely, generous and giving you all are.
I've missed you all.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Bottom line MTN, you need to make the decision to quit, and make it now like your username suggests. We can find millions of things to blame our drinking on and use them all as excuses to keep doing it. I know exactly what you mean by "drinking to stave off the effects of drinking" too. That was what did it for me, I finally realized the insanity and decided that enough was enough.
Hopefully your mom can help out, but even if she can't you can do this. Anyone can - if they want it enough.
Hopefully your mom can help out, but even if she can't you can do this. Anyone can - if they want it enough.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Steve Jobs, as most know or will recall was Apple's now-deceased CEO, gave the 2005 commencement speech at Stanford University. It was both inspired and inspiring. I thought he was speaking to me.
At one point -- it may have been at the beginning, but I don't recall -- he said the following:
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, some day you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
His speech is a treat on so many levels.
You can watch the whole thing here:
Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech 2005 high definition.flv - YouTube
At one point -- it may have been at the beginning, but I don't recall -- he said the following:
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, some day you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
His speech is a treat on so many levels.
You can watch the whole thing here:
Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech 2005 high definition.flv - YouTube
I still don't own anything apple though... can't afford it
Seriously, I will watch it again properly and keep it with me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
Great to see you-I've missed you
Course you CAN come back,however many times it takes. Be proud of yourself for not giving up
There are so many people here rooting for you and so much support. If RR helps maybe read it again, It helped me more second time round. xx
Course you CAN come back,however many times it takes. Be proud of yourself for not giving up
There are so many people here rooting for you and so much support. If RR helps maybe read it again, It helped me more second time round. xx
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
Speaking for myself, I didn't fight against alcohol being pleasurable for me, and in not fighting against those feelings, I was able to appreciate the depths of my alcoholic addiction. I was able to realise how little regard I had for myself and others while I drank. It really came home to me how my life revolved around my chronic drinking and my self-seeking and selfish rewards I felt with my drinking because it became increasingly obvious what I was carelessly throwing away to keep drinking.
The final writing on the wall for me was the continuing shift of how even horrible consequences could be justified as unimportant in an unimportant life -- Jail. Mental hospital. Street life. Alone and severely isolated -- I kept drinking nonetheless. Emotional mental physical pains eventually became blurred with being satisfied by my hurts and hatreds. As I sunk to new lows, with myself and with others in impossible situations, I much didn't care if I could at least stay drunk.
For me, it really became suicidal to keep drinking. Dying drunk was not a question of if but entirely one of when and sooner than later.
Not drinking didn't really matter to me as much as not dying as a drunk meant to me - I couldn't drink "enough" to stay drunk - I would quickly blackout more and more and go thru DT's again and again because I could no longer drink and just keep a buzz going - I was just too far gone - my addiction owned me.
Since I was suicidal, this all amounted to a sick pleasure too, as bad as that may sound. So yeah, so-called pleasure with drinking can become way twisted and surreal when one keeps drinking hopelessly.
Well, the good news is I did eventually successfully quit because here I am clean n' sober! YOU can quit too MyTimeNow - even though right now you don't believe you can, I believe YOU CAN, and I'm not alone in that believe as this thread shows.
Forget how "pleasurable" it is with your drinking - because likely sooner or later it won't make any difference, and that day will be a day of impossible misery that never entirely quits hurting no matter how much you might drink. That is, unless you successfully and eventually quit drinking. Anyways, this was my experience speaking for myself, like I've said. What are the chances you'll experience the same?!!
It's never too soon to quit.
The final writing on the wall for me was the continuing shift of how even horrible consequences could be justified as unimportant in an unimportant life -- Jail. Mental hospital. Street life. Alone and severely isolated -- I kept drinking nonetheless. Emotional mental physical pains eventually became blurred with being satisfied by my hurts and hatreds. As I sunk to new lows, with myself and with others in impossible situations, I much didn't care if I could at least stay drunk.
For me, it really became suicidal to keep drinking. Dying drunk was not a question of if but entirely one of when and sooner than later.
Not drinking didn't really matter to me as much as not dying as a drunk meant to me - I couldn't drink "enough" to stay drunk - I would quickly blackout more and more and go thru DT's again and again because I could no longer drink and just keep a buzz going - I was just too far gone - my addiction owned me.
Since I was suicidal, this all amounted to a sick pleasure too, as bad as that may sound. So yeah, so-called pleasure with drinking can become way twisted and surreal when one keeps drinking hopelessly.
Well, the good news is I did eventually successfully quit because here I am clean n' sober! YOU can quit too MyTimeNow - even though right now you don't believe you can, I believe YOU CAN, and I'm not alone in that believe as this thread shows.
Forget how "pleasurable" it is with your drinking - because likely sooner or later it won't make any difference, and that day will be a day of impossible misery that never entirely quits hurting no matter how much you might drink. That is, unless you successfully and eventually quit drinking. Anyways, this was my experience speaking for myself, like I've said. What are the chances you'll experience the same?!!
It's never too soon to quit.
I know I'm pushing it. My ex is back on the scene and I did the 'adult' thing and let him take DD out - first time in a year!!
I'm making excuses, but also think I'm drinking now to function. I've asked Mum to have youngest, she's not seen message - in bed. I need to come down out of this.
My sides ache, my face is full of pinprick red marks, I feel like poo.
Sorry struggling to reply to your post as well... pished.
It's not life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Bottom line MTN, you need to make the decision to quit, and make it now like your username suggests. We can find millions of things to blame our drinking on and use them all as excuses to keep doing it. I know exactly what you mean by "drinking to stave off the effects of drinking" too. That was what did it for me, I finally realized the insanity and decided that enough was enough.
Hopefully your mom can help out, but even if she can't you can do this. Anyone can - if they want it enough.
Hopefully your mom can help out, but even if she can't you can do this. Anyone can - if they want it enough.
I know enough is enough. I've known it a hundred times. I have no excuses, I am choosing to drink. I only needed to stave off the effects for a couple of hours more and early bedtime.
I know. I know.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hiya MTN
You sound so desperately unhappy but I'm so very glad you are back here. It seems as though you really do want to stop drinking as you know how unhappy and how miserable it is making you.
Whilst there may be other issues you will be able to deal with these so much more clearly when you stop drinking. I know you've stopped a few times and got to a few weeks/month etc,then to go back. I do understand as have been there many many times. I posted a thread yesterday about struggling at a few weeks and hoping it helps people. Please read it as it may be helpful. I know our stories are pretty similar and you are struggling to get beyond a few weeks.
As Dee always says maybe it's time for you to try something new. I've just started with WFS and whilst in the very early stages many of the statements really jump out at me and make sense,I need to do something extra now to develop more as a person and deal with being healthy,nutrition etc.It seems to have a CBT approach and is just for women. I really think this is going to be a great help to me-not instead of SR or course,just in addition to. Maybe have a look. What harm can it do you?
I'm worried about you as you sound so rock bottom. You deserve so much more than this and a better life.once you stop drinking it really does get better. I don't mean that to sound trite but it's true.Nothing will change if you keep drinking but it will get worse.You can do this, looking at it now in fog of hangover you probably think you can't but you do get stronger each day you abstain.
It's great to see you and we are all here for you.Love & Hugs. A.x
You sound so desperately unhappy but I'm so very glad you are back here. It seems as though you really do want to stop drinking as you know how unhappy and how miserable it is making you.
Whilst there may be other issues you will be able to deal with these so much more clearly when you stop drinking. I know you've stopped a few times and got to a few weeks/month etc,then to go back. I do understand as have been there many many times. I posted a thread yesterday about struggling at a few weeks and hoping it helps people. Please read it as it may be helpful. I know our stories are pretty similar and you are struggling to get beyond a few weeks.
As Dee always says maybe it's time for you to try something new. I've just started with WFS and whilst in the very early stages many of the statements really jump out at me and make sense,I need to do something extra now to develop more as a person and deal with being healthy,nutrition etc.It seems to have a CBT approach and is just for women. I really think this is going to be a great help to me-not instead of SR or course,just in addition to. Maybe have a look. What harm can it do you?
I'm worried about you as you sound so rock bottom. You deserve so much more than this and a better life.once you stop drinking it really does get better. I don't mean that to sound trite but it's true.Nothing will change if you keep drinking but it will get worse.You can do this, looking at it now in fog of hangover you probably think you can't but you do get stronger each day you abstain.
It's great to see you and we are all here for you.Love & Hugs. A.x
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
I've fallen into the trap of drinking to stave off the after affects of drinking. Nothing major or bad has happened, but I know I'm neglecting my youngest and that kills me, I'm drinking to wake myself up and have fun with her and we do - feckin twisted!
I've always had a self destructive streak and whilst hanging out the washing knowing I was going to buy more vodka it was - are you trying to kill yourself? Do you really want to die? On some sad level the answer was yes.
I've always had a self destructive streak and whilst hanging out the washing knowing I was going to buy more vodka it was - are you trying to kill yourself? Do you really want to die? On some sad level the answer was yes.
Please don't think I'm judging you - I'm not. My comments come purely from a place of concern. You think things won't get any worse - they will if social services become involved in your life. People do have their children removed from their care for alcohol problems. It's only a few weeks before school starts again and teachers will have no hestitation in getting the authorities involved if they smell drink on you. I thought I could hide it with perfume, mouthwash etc but we can't hide it.
If your drinking is escalating things can get worse very quickly. Youand your children deserve more than this and you can have a better life. I hope you don't take offense at my comments but realize they come from a friendly place
xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
MTN. I too am really worried about you and agree with RAL. I think at this point iit is impossible for you to be able to distinguish between depression and alcohol withdrawal.
I hope you are able to get your Mum on board to take your daughter for a while.
Then, please go and see your doctor. Be honest. I think medical assistance will help.
We are all here and willing you on. Whichever recovery method you choose is dependent on you feeling strong enough and in the right frame of mind to go for it.
Keep it really simple today. Go seek some help, and do not drink. That will do for today.
Keep posting xxx
I hope you are able to get your Mum on board to take your daughter for a while.
Then, please go and see your doctor. Be honest. I think medical assistance will help.
We are all here and willing you on. Whichever recovery method you choose is dependent on you feeling strong enough and in the right frame of mind to go for it.
Keep it really simple today. Go seek some help, and do not drink. That will do for today.
Keep posting xxx
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi MTN,
Yes, you're so right: drinking is no life.
In all of us, some more than others I believe, is the capacity to endure and survive no matter what life brings our way. Drinking screws up all the potential inside us and leaves us wasted and undone, unfulfilled, and wanting. We attempt to gain a measure of control and comfort while drinking, and we of course fail, and in our failures we find remorse and guilt aplenty. We take all this very personally, and try even harder to make that next drink the one that proves we can drink responsibly.
I feel for you, MTN. It takes courage to face our demons when neither drunkenness or abstinence quells the monsters inside us. YOU have that courage, MTN. I've recognized such in many of your earlier posts on SR.
Quitting is not something we do to be right and correct with the world, our family, friends and whomever else -- quitting is what we do to be right with ourselves -- and we quit because we understand the truth drinking will never ever give back to us what we need to survive and be happy with who we really are with or without the booze in our lives.
We all have past times when our drinking looked like it could go on forever. Obviously for us, those times are well past and done. We are now called to be responsible to a different life-style sans-alcohol going forward.
Don't sweat the demons and the failures of drunkenness, MTN. Quitting will also work for YOU TOO!! Forget about what you fail at (your drinking) and make sense out of what you can really do for yourself (quitting your drinking) and allow yourself every chance at being happy and successful. You owe this to yourself, MTN.
Yes, you're so right: drinking is no life.
In all of us, some more than others I believe, is the capacity to endure and survive no matter what life brings our way. Drinking screws up all the potential inside us and leaves us wasted and undone, unfulfilled, and wanting. We attempt to gain a measure of control and comfort while drinking, and we of course fail, and in our failures we find remorse and guilt aplenty. We take all this very personally, and try even harder to make that next drink the one that proves we can drink responsibly.
I feel for you, MTN. It takes courage to face our demons when neither drunkenness or abstinence quells the monsters inside us. YOU have that courage, MTN. I've recognized such in many of your earlier posts on SR.
Quitting is not something we do to be right and correct with the world, our family, friends and whomever else -- quitting is what we do to be right with ourselves -- and we quit because we understand the truth drinking will never ever give back to us what we need to survive and be happy with who we really are with or without the booze in our lives.
We all have past times when our drinking looked like it could go on forever. Obviously for us, those times are well past and done. We are now called to be responsible to a different life-style sans-alcohol going forward.
Don't sweat the demons and the failures of drunkenness, MTN. Quitting will also work for YOU TOO!! Forget about what you fail at (your drinking) and make sense out of what you can really do for yourself (quitting your drinking) and allow yourself every chance at being happy and successful. You owe this to yourself, MTN.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Hi MTN-
First let me say I am glad you keep coming back.... I like having you around.
Second, you already know that the ambivalence is you fighting your beast. It is making you think you two are friends but, REALLY ?!?!?! It is a friend who is like "hey lets go absolutely destroy ourselves? What do you say?" Damn lying ass beast.... See it for what it is.... NOT YOU... It is not you. You want to be better, it wants to stay sick.
Lastly, stay strong and stay safe.
Jess
First let me say I am glad you keep coming back.... I like having you around.
Second, you already know that the ambivalence is you fighting your beast. It is making you think you two are friends but, REALLY ?!?!?! It is a friend who is like "hey lets go absolutely destroy ourselves? What do you say?" Damn lying ass beast.... See it for what it is.... NOT YOU... It is not you. You want to be better, it wants to stay sick.
Lastly, stay strong and stay safe.
Jess
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Never give up hope MTN. I've read countless inspirational stories on SR of people who tried many many times.
They never gave up and went on to lead happy lives.
That can be your story too.
Stay with us. We care very much xxx
They never gave up and went on to lead happy lives.
That can be your story too.
Stay with us. We care very much xxx
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