LuLu13

I know this thinking is warped and have read it before but I am having cravings tonight. I keep reading about people relapsing and then getting sober right away again. I keep thinking, hey, I can do that. I will just drink tonight and that is it, no one will know. All I have to do is drive up to the store. I am heading to a meeting in a half hour or so and pray I can finally connect at this meeting as it has not happened yet.

Eleni58

Why would you want to start all over again? Please stay strong! Do whatever it takes to not drink! You will thank yourself profusely tomorrow!

Hollyanne

Yes LuLu,
It only took me 18 months to quit again once I had that harmless "one".

More likely,
"Ah well, I have blown it now, might as well be shot for a sheep as a lamb!"

Don't.
NO.
Do not.

No one will know but you.
You are the only one that will regret it enormously.

LuLu13

I know, this is not my first rodeo. Hopefully I can drive past all the stores on my way to and from the meeting. I also just try to remember how absolutely horrific and frightening my detox was, never want to go through that again!

forabetterlife

Lulu, I know what you mean..sometimes reading about relapses gets me started thinking that maybe they are ok, they go with the territory..blah blah blah. But if you really think about it and remember how we FEEL after a relapse, maybe that will help you reconsider. Don't go there. Go to your meeting and get through the night. Tomorrow you will be so glad you did.

Dee74

If your heads telling you it's easy to come back from a relapse, it's lying to you.
whether you're back the next day or not, it's *rough*.

I went out for one last night...didn't come 'back' for over two years.

D

LuLu13

Thanks, Dee, my intelligent mind is telling me exactly that but the AV is strong tonight. This is my third attempt so I know what just one night of drinking can lead to...

silentrun

The old "just tonight" trick. Good for you seeing it for what it is "warped." Even if no on else knows it will interrupt your healing. You can't hide from that even if it is just one. Think of your addiction as a spoiled child. Say no..no..no..but say yes just once and see how it pesters you.

LuLu13

Good analogy, Silentrun, I have learned a bit more with each bout of sobriety. I have to make this one work or will lose everything I have worked so hard for, I also hope AA finally clicks for me.

Ngokpa

They said "90 meetings in 90 days." I just heard 90 days, and went to lots more meetings than that. Meanwhile, I had cravings, and my mind said lots of things, and I learned to talk about it at meetings and to not drink no matter what.

I wasn't sure I was an alcoholic, so I saw it as a science experiment. After 90 days I could do whatever I wanted; but meanwhile I wasn't going to drink. The thing is early sobriety isn't much fun, but it goes somewhere. Drinking goes somewhere I don't want to go, and I hear about it at meetings.

least

And you don't want to go there either. That's why you're posting instead of drinking.

LuLu13

Ngokpa, I know, I got yelled at by an old woman for not doing 90 in 90. I just have not felt very welcome at the meetings I have attended but pray this one will be different.

Mangoes

Lulu, it's not exactly no one will know. YOU will know, and you deserve better than that. You're the most important person in any room . Certainly more important than a voice with no body of its own!

You're doing great to identify it, and to post here.

LuLu13

Thanks, Mangos, heading out to that meeting now. I know drinking is not the answer but the problem. Wish there weren't so many dang stores around here that sold booze!

veryready

Hang tough LuLu. I think that every time you can manage to beat your cravings, the next time it is easier. I managed to quit for 7 years and now I have 8 months. Not a good trade. Don't give in. Not worth it.

Anna

Lulu, I still remember my last detox after all these years and I know that I was lucky to live through it. Don't underestimate this disease we have.

I hope your meeting goes well for you.

Mangoes

Have a great meeting- hopefully something clicks / connects for you

Michael66

Hey Lulu,

It can be tough can't it? I sympathize. But why have to go through those early days and weeks again? I'm glad you're off to a meeting - the craving will pass.

God bless you +

Serenity1972

LuLu I am w you. There are too many freakin obstacles when driving from point A To freakin point B. I hate it. I am damned determined this time to not let this crap stay in my life until I freakin die. I am so damn done! Does it mess with my mind....heck ya. I am hoping to lay down soon and hope for the best. Stay positive..I know that is the only thing that has kept me going. Might All....I need to learn how to relax and sleep again on the weekends....crap! Don't be surprised if I come back on cuz I can't freakin sleep. Saying the Serenity Prayer over and over...God Bless!

soberclover

It isn't that AA needs to click with you....it's you that needs to click with you. YOU need to make a committment to sobriety and YOU need to be willing to do whatever you need to do to maintain your sobriety. Cravings suck but they don't last forever. Mine is over now and all I kept thinking about was how much clarity I have in my life now and how I don't want to lose that. Do let us know how you are...because we do care