alphaomega

I sincerely am bat **** crazy scared about how I'm going to make it through the next week without drinking myself into a coma.

I have to spend (No, I can not NOT GO) the next week with my family in confined quarters for a family reunion.

To say that my mother is my biggest trigger might be the understatement of the century.

But if I don't make it, chances are I will have a stroke, seizure, heart attack, or perhaps all three.

Help.

quitforme79

I understand the family trigger. I went to visit family a couple weeks ago and did have a strong urge to drink. I dealt with that by calling my sober friends and hitting AA meetings. It really really helped to have an hour in my day where I could sit with other alcoholics.

Dee74

Ok, if you've determined you have no choice but to go, I'd be making plans AO...
lot of plans...for dealing with the kinds of situations you know will pop up.

think about what to say when people offer you a drink, think about what to do when people ask why you're not drinking, think about how to handle stress...think about what to do when you think that one won't hurt, or that it's easier just to go with the flow.

It won't be easy..you've really painted yourself in a corner here, and not given yourself much time for plans...

but it's not impossible either - if you're determined.

D

silentrun

I'm sorry you are going through this alpha. Like Dee said make plans if you feel you absolutely must go. Maybe though your brain is telling you that you are just not ready for that yet. Nobody can blame you for making your sobriety #1 priority. I remember you had some good time in and that girls night out got you.
Hugs to you buddy
Kim

alphaomega

Quit- thank you. I actually know that there are meetings where I'm going because I looked them up a few years back. I haven't been involved in AA for quite some time but perhaps this might be a safe haven.

Dee- I think I was in denial. Hoping that it just wouldn't come and maybe get cancelled from an illness, or work commitment, or hurricane.

Silent- yeah, this experience will make the girls night look like a preschool party. I try o like my mom, but I don't. She's mean. And mean people suck.

quitforme79

It was actually really cool to be a visitor in a different state...people were really welcoming Even though I knew no one, I felt that ahhhhh deep breath feeling. Like "people get me here", I can just be for a bit. Also post on here, let us know how you are doing. This could be such an awesome learning experience for you...use every tool you have got and then some.

EndGameNYC

My family's always been very supportive, but I've never been able to take them for anything more than small doses, drunk or sober. None of them even comes close to drinking the way I did. They're all good people, and my Mom is sober for thirty three years, so not a problem there.

I rarely stay over when invited.

Some families do everything together; others do everything separately. It isn't a mental health issue. Unless it.

Soberpotamus

You really don't have to go, right? I wouldn't go. But that's just me. Family is my biggest trigger I think.

alphaomega

SJ - I'm kinda hosting. I say kinda because there a few staying here, and there and what have you. My trigger, I mean mother, will be staying with me. And that's always been a "can I make it until 4:00 without wanting to jump out of my skin". (Pummeling an 80 year old is probably frowned upon in most places. But maybe not, if they knew her.)

So it's like this, I either feel like I'm going to stroke out just being in her energy space, or I blotto-out and hope that the booze doesn't kill me.

How's that for sick ?

misterritter

That sounds really tough. I want to say that logically there is another option which doesn't involve dying or drinking but we all experience the world in our own way. I have never had that reaction to family, but realize there are plenty of people who do.

I hope you can figure out that third option.

I think Dee's plan to think through the situations before experiencing them and work through a way to deal with them would be my best bet to make it through.

Good luck to you.

Fallow

Hi AO

I love the title of your thread. It pretty much sums up sobriety/recovery in general from my perspective.

I think that when I made it through each moment or event of concern like this I became so much stronger in recovery just knowing that yes I can make it through this. Just imagine how great you will feel when this whole thing is over and you didn't pick up! Its a beautiful feeling.

You can make it through this sober. Your mother may be the biggest 'trigger' you can think of but she cannot make you drink.

Dee74

What about a third way?
you can't change your mother, but you can change how you react to her and how much power you give her to affect your day?

D

Ptcapote

Hi AO, boy oh boy do I feel you on this one. My mother is also my biggest trigger and I have managed to avoid seeing her since I got sober simply for the reason that matricide by throttling would so look like s*it on my record right now...

(Kidding, sort of)

Luckily, she lives in another state so I can keep avoiding it for awhile but eventually I am going to have to deal with her as well.

I think Dee's advice here is golden. I also think as much outside support as you can get (can you slip online with us if you're feeling really tempted?) will be key.

If there is absolutely no possible way to avoid it, make sure you get yourself as Zen as possible before her arrival and try to see it as not allowing her to have any power over you or your sobriety.

This may sound a little cold but just because they're our parents doesn't give them a right to screw up our lives after a certain age, ya know? You wouldn't let some ass on the street mess with your sobriety or your health...why let her?

Hugs to you tonight and please let us know how it goes!

alphaomega

The last time we were together I fought and fought and fought to stay sober. I never drink after 7:00 pm if I haven already started at 4:00. I used every single trick in my arsenal of sobriety save getting up and going to bed. Or asking her to leave.

I abhor playing the role of victim

Junegirl

AO,

We all have power in some way or another, so use yours to protect yourself and your sobriety. Sometimes just standing up and walking away from someone when they're doing something hurtful is enough. I like the part about going to bed. Why not?
I hope you stay strong during this visit. We'll be here to listen if you need to vent.

June

escapist

I stayed away from everyone for a good four months. I wanted to make it. I can handle my nerves now. I am almost steel!

Anna

No, you won't, and you will probably have a much better chance at staying sober. Put yourself and your sobriety first.