Blitz777

I don't even know when the drugs took over. I have had spinal fusion and have RA, every joint screams; I have been on narcotics for years, I don't know how to live with so much pain without them. I quit 4 days ago because I took too many, and can't get early refills. Now I'm paying for it. I guess i also wanted to see just how bad the pain could be - do I really need this crap? I know I'm out of control. I take twice what I'm prescribed, I love being out of pain! It is such a relief I could bawl when the pain melts away. That nerve pain starts leaving with every heartbeat - it is amazing - but I know I got other problems. I also found that if I take more, I get a buzz with it too. And of course I do that too now. I have the best intentions of not doing that any more and only using it for the pain, (Opana) but I don't do that. I don't know what to do. I am seeing a new RA doc to see what IVs I can get on to address that issue - had to get off the last medicine because it was destroying my body (it shuts down your immune system) all RA drugs do that. Now it's time to get back on something because my joints are horrible. I really don't know what to do. My husband hates me because I hurt so bad right now I can't stand myself. He says I'm an addict, I guess I am? After reading some stories on here I can see me in that category - easy. What do people with chronic pain do though? I hve no idea, no plan.

Blitz777

I try to explain to people I did NOT give up riding my beautiful black stallion, gardening, exercise, ALL the things I love to become an addict! I gave it up because the pain is so bad, I cannot do it anymore. It makes me sick, I am so lucky to have the most amazing, beautiful horse ever, and I will never, ever be able to ride again. Nobody sees that part tho, they just see the addict that started out in pain, then turned into an addict.

finaltime

Blitz, I understand where you are coming from. There are lots of other options about there available, talking with your doctor is the best way to go about it. I also had chronic pain (I thought) for years, then found out after I detoxed, then waited a few months that my back was better then ever. My back was way worse on them, however I didn't have a spinal fusion, just a torn disk, then ripped the same one later on (competitive volleyball player). Just don't quit asking and looking for answers. The life you are living now where you are finishing your pills early, is sooooo difficult. I did that for so long, the last of my usage I would finish them after the first week then buy from my friend. I pissed away my retirement 38k (I am only 35) and it was just awful.

Is your husband supportive? Would he be willing to go to a meeting with you? Getting your body back together is number one priority. If you must take the pills, can someone else hold them so you don't run out early or abuse them? That is also an option. Hang in there.

Blitz777

He has his own issues so no not really. He calls me horrid names that I am so stupid to take them then can't go to work or really move much. Ive recently applied for a medical-been at the gov for 34+ yrs. I'm old. I'm tired. I hurt. I have so much pressure to work. Clean. Cook. Laundry every single night. The yard. The animals. My husband works 4 hrs a day then goes to the bar for 4 -7 hrs then comes hope. He takes pills to party himself it's just he only takes them at night to party. He don't use them for pain issues. I know there's no alternative for my pain. I would put a bullet in my head if I had to hurt like this everyday forever. I got off everything a year ago for a month. Couldn't even bathe myself or anything else. I don't know what the answer is. I prob came to the wrong place maybe. Not that I don't have an issue but I don't see a way out. The pain trap don't Abd won't work for me

Dee74

Hi Blitz

Living with chronic pain is hard.

Work with your Dr - for most conditions, there are many alternatives for pain, alternatives that will help without making you want more.

If your Dr doesn't know much about that maybe you need to visit a pain clinic or something.

There is always a solution - sometimes it takes a little looking for, and a little time and patience too.

I'm sorry for the situation with your husband too. Sounds like you deserve better there as well.

D