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Old 07-23-2013, 05:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
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need advice and suggestions


Hi all, I just found out this past Sunday my husband has been using cocaine for the past 6 months, is what he tells me...how I found out is because he was arrested for his first dui and without that arrest I don't think he would have told me, matter of fact he told me he wouldn't have told me. He was arrested for drinking and driving, however he also had cocaine and marijuana in his system, which is why he didn't sign off on the blood test! He told all of this to me on Sunday because he knew with the upcoming court dates I would find out...but what a shock. I knew he drank while out with the guys, because I encourage him to maintain his friendships outside of our marriage and family so he can still enjoy his life, I never wanted to be or become that wife who can't trust her husband, or makes crazy demands of him not aloud to go out with the boys, I fully trusted him, at times he would come home more drunk than i would have liked and I started to get worried that he had a problem, but he never needed the alcohol, he always seemed in full control, its just those nights/times where he was enjoying himself a little too much, is what I thought...well after this Sunday while on a boys weekend, he told me he realizes he's an alcoholic and that he's been using coke...the cocaine admission is what has me thrown for a loop...after being with him for the past 15yrs, I've never once known him to use any drugs, he told me he doesn't understand why he has, after going through his teens and 20's clean, why now in his 30's? How did this happen? He swears he isn't addicted, but idk if I trust that, as the current problem we're having is that since Sunday he has been defensive towards me, won't talk about it and won't allow me to talk about it with him. As you can imagine, my mind is running a mile a minute, with questions, concerns, worries...to me, if he is sincere about wanting/needing to stop because the dui arrest was a wake up call, then why so defensive with me. Yes I'm angry, but I am more concerned and worried, I'm not angry where I'm going to scream and throw a huge fit, internally I am, but I know how to conduct myself in a rational way when we have disagreements so I'm not understanding why he is putting up this wall and shutting down each time I try to mention I'd like to discuss what's on my mind with him...

Can anyone throw me any advice, suggestions, anyone tell me what he may be going through, maybe this is normal in a guilt phase, or maybe he is truly addicted and his behavior right now is a sign of it...I don't know, all of this is new to me, I've never used any substance nor have been close to anyone who really has, so I have no idea what I'm dealing with...

all help, advice, comments will be very much appreciated...
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Old 07-23-2013, 05:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi delizah : I'm not sure , sounds more like guilt . How are finances ? If he was using coke , money would definitely be an issue. I've been addicted to coke for 25+ years and broke but not married .

You can probably get more advice here or posting in the friends & family forum. I don't think you'd want to type that all again ( lol ). Stick here see who else responds

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Old 07-23-2013, 05:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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ugh thats the thing, he's been out of a job for a little over a year due to a layoff, and he is the one that handles all the finances and bills so I am totally unaware of our financial situation because I trust him handling that while I handle other things that he is more comfortable with me being in charge of...so idk and without him willing to talk with me right now I wont get those answers to really know
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Old 07-23-2013, 07:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by delizah View Post
ugh thats the thing, he's been out of a job for a little over a year due to a layoff, and he is the one that handles all the finances and bills so I am totally unaware of our financial situation because I trust him handling that while I handle other things that he is more comfortable with me being in charge of...so idk and without him willing to talk with me right now I wont get those answers to really know
I am sorry that you are going through this. It is very important for him to talk with you about this. Have you told him that this situation needs to be addressed now?
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